Greetings from a new member (Full Version)

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EvilTwin -> Greetings from a new member (7/25/2005 12:58:15 PM)

Hello to everyone.
I joined here because there seems to be a large knowlege base and a
lot of people who dont mind answering questions.

I have a girlfriend who I have been seeing going on a year, who is a
submissive. She was trained by her original dominant until the situation became such that she had to terminate it.

We had been seeing each other for a while when she brought up her past
in the lifestyle and asked if I had ever looked into it.
The answer of course was no, but I listened to her.
She confessed to me that based on my personality, bearing, and
interactions with people she felt I would be a natural for her to
resume her role as a submissive with.
At first I really didnt know what to think, I only knew what the
general public knows... and thinks about it and was quite frankly
almost insulted.
I learned from her that it isnt about abuse and torture, but about
trust and giving. I have been looking into various views on the
lifestyle and incorperating parts into our daily lives. This isnt a
night time or weekend play session, this is her life and how she wants
to live it.
She has given me the gift of exploring it with her.
Every week I see that what started out as me "helping her with a
fantasy", is becoming a part of my everyday life more and more.
My confidance in daily matters has grown, as has hers.

I am curious as to how many people live the lifestyle daily.
We are not at the point of restraints, bindings, extreme physical
punishment, or anything like that... and I really dont know if I ever
see that becoming a part of it, as disapproval of her words or deeds
seems to be more crushing than any physical response could be. It
seems that she lives only to please, I am trying to
learn the line between giving what is needed and exploiting her solely
for my own gains. I know in this situation either is possible.

I want to be what she needs, and am trying. It has started becoming
natural, a way of life. I guess this is where it stops being role
playing and becomes "real".

If you have any comments or advise I would appreciate your input.


Jim






ShiftedJewel -> RE: Greetings from a new member (7/25/2005 3:01:12 PM)

Communicate....... constantly. Talk about everything and never react in anger... when you do that it makes others less likely to be open and honest with you.

Aside from that, it sounds like you are going about it the right way. Get to know what each other likes and dislikes and take your time... there is no time limit so no need to rush. Just read, ask questions and learn how to sort through all the input and apply it to your lives.

Jewel



Hissweetshiv -> RE: Greetings from a new member (7/25/2005 4:17:06 PM)

Congratulations, it's official. You are an open-minded, well balanced, and loving partner for your lady. Keep up the good work. If you're looking for reading material, Master swears by "Different Loving" , and Claudia Varrin has at least two good books on the lifestyle in print. (sighs.. i miss my library)
At any rate, you asked about how people live the lifestyle daily. Since we have a minor in the house, we mostly don't. When we can we slip little things into the daily routine ( i untie His boots when He comes home from work, bring Him a drink, things like that) but for the most part we're just a normal couple. This answer is going to vary wildly according to who you ask, however. Everyone lives the lifestyle differently, and the way you should live it is the way that makes you and your lady happy.
Good luck and happiness on your journey together.
~shiv



EvilTwin -> RE: Greetings from a new member (7/25/2005 5:08:52 PM)

Thank you for the responses.
There is a minor in our household also, sometimes more than one so seeing that it is possible to continue on a more subtle level is an answer to a question I had not even asked yet.
So far the worst punishment she recieves is within herself when she feels she has not pleased me satisfactorily or to the standards she thinks I should hold for her.
This is a case of the submissive teaching the Dominant.
I intend to learn from her and the others who will share with me their experiances and wisdom.

Thank you once again.


Jim



EvilTwin -> RE: Greetings from a new member (7/25/2005 8:21:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

Communicate....... constantly. Talk about everything and never react in anger... when you do that it makes others less likely to be open and honest with you.

Aside from that, it sounds like you are going about it the right way. Get to know what each other likes and dislikes and take your time... there is no time limit so no need to rush. Just read, ask questions and learn how to sort through all the input and apply it to your lives.

Jewel


I have no fear about reacting with anger, I took a few years only with myself to focus solely on personal control. One of the wisest decisions I have ever made.
I believe that communication is the basis of all relationships of any kind.
I will pass on the hottest most passionate relationship a person has ever known if there is not adequate communication.
Having and controling a persons body is not a challenge and really has no reward to me, The reward... the quest is the mind.
The Mind, the Heart, and the Soul.
Treat them as they desire and deserve, and you experiance thing that most cant even imagine.


Jim



anopheles -> RE: Greetings from a new member (7/26/2005 2:07:18 PM)

I am pretty much a newbie, but in my opinion, you sound like a good Dominant, because it sounds like you care for this person and want to give to her what she needs, as much as she wants to give to you. I would encourage you to do these 2 things.


1. Read, read, read. Learn as much about this type of lifestyle as you can. It is just as much of a leap of faith for the Dom as it is for the sub. It will probably take you sometime to learn if it works for you. While you're doing that, move on to...

2. Get in the habit of talking very candidly with your partner. VERY candidly. For a D/s relationship to work, you both need to be able to respond with what you feel, and not what you think she wants to hear. If she is the sub for you, then she will love every word that you say to her. If you are a true Dom, you will do the same. She will love and respect your guidelines, crave your attention, and you won't have a second thought about giving her what she needs.

And even if you decide that this just isn't for you...imagine how your relationship will grow. You will be able to relate to her, and you will be able to talk about your deepest intimacies without hesitation.

To me, sounds like you can't lose.



MstrHellsFury -> RE: Greetings from a new member (7/26/2005 7:38:01 PM)

one thing is missing in the responses you've gotten so far...adapt this lifestyle to the needs of both of you...though I rarely say never...in this case I say...NEVER do what you think is correct by others standards...each and every one of use has in even the suttlest of degrees...differences that make every relationship unique to those involved...find what does and doesn't float your boats and keep talking...( I'm only silent when I'm giving a punishment excerise..hehe)...and above all..since you're just beginning...open your eyes and ears...watch closely and you'll see those little things...her look you may know..but what about the different ways she stands or holds her shoulders during different acts...or the way she may heisate or quickly answer...and if she's not feeling well..how do you know if she doesn't say something(after all she may still be going through her regular routine)...know her better than you know yourself and the rest is just living as best you can...


Fury



EvilTwin -> RE: Greetings from a new member (7/26/2005 8:45:12 PM)

Fury, you have a very valid point.
I have been curious as to the actions of others... but only to use it as a shopping list to choose from.
My actions with my little girl will be pretty much between me and her, not to be broadcast to the cast of thousands.
The days I do not see her phone conversation dominates our time. In this way its a total cerebral time between us and we learn a lot more than we would while talking in person.
Posture and body language are very evident to a person willing to look for it.
I already have her speach cadence, breath patterns, and voice inflections down.
A person is like a book to the right person... you just have to learn to read.


Jim



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