Preparing for first time...

Preparing for first time... (Full Version)

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artistbrandi -> Preparing for first time... (10/3/2007 4:36:42 AM)
Hello all... I just wanted to get a little imput...I've been reading a lot of the posts/threads here; all very good information! Tonight (if we're still on) will be my first time taking a vanilla relationship to the next level. He is someone I trust and I know respects me, and we've had several discussions regarding all of this (limits, safe word, safety, yada yada.) I am so excited I can hardly sleep...but I'm also VERY TERRIFIED! I've never done anything beyond the standard fuzzy cuffs of most typical bedrooms. I know he'll take it real easy on me-babysteps- but I guess my biggest fear is not anything he'll do to me, but moreso, that I'll react badly to it. What if I think I can handle it, and I can't? I don't want to disapoint him. (though I know that should be the last of my concerns past my own safety and wellbeing- but as a sub I want it to be enjoyable for him too!). All in all, I do feel comfortable in it all, and I know I have the control to stop it should it go sour. The unknown and mystery of what it will feel like is exhilarating. Did anyone else get a bit of cold feet or nervousness their first time?

TNstepsout -> RE: Preparing for first time... (10/3/2007 4:47:13 AM)
Why yes, yes I did. Nerves are part of it and part of what make the first time so memorable. You'll never have the same kind of fear a 2nd time. As far as wondering if you think you can handle it, and then you can't, that's what communication is for. You said you have the control to stop it if it should go sour. As far as disappointing him? Well if you can't handle something you thought you could (which probably won't happen) if you have him stop or go a little slower, you are more likely to come back for more fun another time. If it goes badly and you don't say anything just so he is not disappointed, then you are likely not to come back and I assure you, that would be a greater disappointment. For both of you. So speak up.

Celeste43 -> RE: Preparing for first time... (10/3/2007 5:35:29 AM)
Just remember, this isn't an exam. You aren't able to fail. It's an exploration, to see what you like or don't like. Just keep the communication flowing and you should be fine. I don't think I was as nervous but I had negotiated more about what our first time would involve. It was only stuff I knew I would like and that he also enjoyed. We left trying new stuff for a later date after we were comfortable playing with each other.

SirMichealspeach -> RE: Preparing for first time... (10/3/2007 5:50:09 AM)
Master and I start our 3rd year together this November, I still get nervous and anxious when We try new things. I am always afraid of "what if I say I want to do that and then hate it or can't handle the intesity of it?" Master always tells me to be honest about it and don't let things go so far that I am really uncomfortable.you never know if your gonna like something until you try it butif you don't communicate how you feel exactly He may assume you enjoyed it and impliment it more. Master has always told me that NOT telling Him is far worse and will get me into much deeper trouble. So the best advice I can give is to be very sure the communication lines are open and don't hesitate or be afraid to speak up if something doesn't sit quite right with you, its the only way they know if what they are doing will keep you coming back for more. Sir Micheals peach

artistbrandi -> RE: Preparing for first time... (10/3/2007 6:28:33 AM)
Thanks, that made me feel much better! Another thing I think I have a little anxiety about is the "personality change" so to speak. This sort of play is private to him- he only talked about it because I brought it up first. He's a gentle, easygoing guy (as I'm sure everyone here is too; not assuming that if you're dom you're the agressive sort). Agressiveness is definitely a turn on too- but there's a point at which it could be truely scary. So it should be interesting! I'm sure I'm worried about nothing- if I were more uneasy then I wouldn't be going through with it. He knows what is off limits, and he knows what I might be willing to try later on. So we have a good foundation. Thanks again for your encouragement!

chellekitty -> RE: Preparing for first time... (10/3/2007 6:57:51 AM)
first time? heck i still get nervous...i am actually, as i am typing this, sitting here worrying myself silly over something thats already happened actually...(i played with someone at a national event and we are "debriefing" by email because i needed that long to come down...and i could not do it while we were still there...and he has that kind of aura that makes me go kind of stupid -well, non-verbal- in his presense lol)...and not to toot my own horn, but i've been doing this for 6 years and i've done it with lots and lots of people...had aprox 10 people i've played with on a regular basis, 4 in a collar type relationship, whether there was a collar present or not (just for distinction) and then 6 more that were "regulars"....and then i don't know how many one timers (yes i play casually, quite a bit) so...worst case senario, you get 5 minutes in, panic, call stop however you have set up, he stops and it ends, and when you're ready you try again... if he's worth his salt...and i suspect he is or you wouldn't be with him...he will not be dissapointed...frustrated at the time cause he's all horny and adrenaline is going...but not dissapointed...you haven't done all this work to try it one time, panic, and then never try it again...there will be a next time, right? progress, not perfection... courage is not the absence of fear, but to keep going in the presence of fear...but don't mistake stupidity for courage....harming yourself mentally because you don't want to "dissapoint him" would piss him off, no? at least thats the way it worked with anyone i knew that i thought should not be locked up forever... smiles i'd tell you not to worry, but you will anyway...try to do other productive things...it usually helps the time pass faster....and for God's sake, don't watch the clock....lol... good luck....give us an update tomorrow [;)] chelle

bipolarber -> RE: Preparing for first time... (10/3/2007 7:21:47 AM)
Okay, I don't know if this is too late a post or not, but the three most important things to remember are: communication...communication...communication! You talk about it. (Which it sounds like you've been doing.) You talk about it in detail beforehand, agreeing to a general menu for your first time out. (Example: appetizer will be some bondage, with the first course of some light to moderate flogging.... up through a full seven course meal if you like, or feel free to pig out if you so desire.) Next, be sure to communicate during the scene... your Dom "checking in" with you on occasion, you giving him respectful feedback when needed ("Sir, Ouch! OW! UGH! Stop, stop, STOP! [no I'm not calling "safeword"]..Ow! uh... a little to the left.") Then communicate in the aftercare phase as well. This is not so much a question of "was it good for you?" as it is "what worked for you, what didn't? Where can we improve?" And as far as disappointing him? I doubt that's possible. If he knows this is your first real foray into a BDSM scene, he's probably well aware of how special this scene will be to you, and how honored he is to be a part of it. I think, although he probably hasn't told you, he's written you a "free pass" for the evening. Just do your best. That's all any Dom can ask.

DocRudy -> RE: Preparing for first time... (10/3/2007 7:53:29 AM)
It's sex, not a midterm exam. Have fun. -DR

Maya2001 -> RE: Preparing for first time... (10/3/2007 7:59:46 AM)
I think you will really enjoy , some of that anxiety helps to build some intensity in the scene play and adds to the enjoyment just remember to try to stay relaxed, and remember you are not helpless but are the one in control of the scene and that if you find it becomes too intense for you, that you can stop it, for me that was what I really needed to focus on during the second session so that I could relax, the first one I had suffered a flashback from the past instead so had to stop the scene but it was than also that I did learn and trust that is was okay and I would not be viewed as being weak for having stopped it, sounds like your partner is a lot like my firsttime partner was, so I truly believe you will enjoy the experience

artistbrandi -> RE: Preparing for first time... (10/3/2007 8:18:22 AM)
Thanks for all the replies...if it's not fun then it's not worth doing...I'm concerned about flashbacks as well, but he knows what to avoid, so I think I'll be okay- if not, then he'll be understanding. It IS SEX! Whoo...I'm excited about that much. If nothing else....that I know I like!

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