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willowspirit -> RE: wot no cumming ? ! (10/3/2007 11:34:23 AM)
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First, I commend you for your positive attitude. This is a fairly long forum entry so please forgive me?
I was close to 30 years old before I could cum. My Ex husband wouldn't allow toys OR any oral sex, and I became darn near suicidal ! I was the epitome of Frustration ! Getting aroused was no problem. Thinking sexually was easy.
My doctor said, "You're not even 30 yet. Don't worry about it. It will happen when it's time." But then, my mother is in her mid-seventies and has never had an orgasm ... [but the woman IS married to my father.... ]
In the encyclopedia, under human sexuality I read, paraphrasing, "... It seems women have to learn how to orgasm, because once they start having them, they have them in increasing frequency."
Then I read The Hite Report and read MANY other women's accounts of what they had to do physically, emotionally and mentally. Then it hit me! I finally became determined NOT to give up on myself! I was going to cum by my own fingers, and eventually find a way to tell my then husband how I did it.
I also realized that every time I quit and gave up, all that did was teach by body to hold off even longer. Which was another reason for my determination.
One afternoon, when I felt a monthly hormonal surge, I got lube and started exploring my clit and it's responses. I found I had to "hunt" for that "sweet spot". and once I found it I stayed with it. I discovered my preferences for speed, and pressure, and lube.
For me, the slimier the better.
Next I learned that if I held my body muscles more rigid in the area, instead of being "limp" I could sustain the clitoral high longer.
Then I had to experiment with where to "hold my head" -- the mental aspects of do I relax? Or do I get angry? Or do I make myself scared?
I learned that "relaxing" mentally didn't work... No matter what "people" said.
Without knowing then what I know now -- I had accidentally discovered my kink -- and that "relaxing" wasn't the same as "submissive head space".
It took me 45 minutes to cum that first time. My fingers and arms ached. I had a puddle of KY on the bed. But I won! I did it!
After a few weeks and after getting it down to about half and hour, I told my husband. Even the part about how I refused to give up on myself. He took over from there and it went back up to 45 or 50 minutes. Years later, before he and I divorced, it was down to sometimes as fast as a minute and a half under his fingers. (still no other method was allowed).
I also read and heard that once a woman has had a baby or two, the blood vessels there expand -- permanently. This increases the amount of blood flow to the area, which is extremely important.
Maybe "vacuum cupping" play will help with this over time. Anyone else have an opinion on cupping?
I hope I helped somehow.
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