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Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 4:04:24 PM

fourpeas

Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline

It's not a new discovery for me that I really enjoy, crave, and NEED solitude.

It is not a break from service. It is not an excuse to run away from problems or from my partner. I have just really been thinking about the way that I handle things is usually best when I am alone and when I have time to go in my room and close the door.

How do other subs/slaves feel about this? Are there many of you who like spending a good dose of time in solitude? Are there many of you who have to deal with your emotions in a certain way?

...

(Look for more crazy and extra-insightful posts from FOURPEAS as she is in a period of bereavement. Ha ha ha)

Post #: 1

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 4:24:39 PM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

I have found that I need that also. I need time to mull over a situation or a problem before I can tackle it. My thoughts in my head start coming at me too fast for me to logically deal with them so I take the time to figure them out, put them in some kind of order and then I can handle it from there.

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 2

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 4:30:17 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

How do other subs/slaves feel about this? Are there many of you who like spending a good dose of time in solitude? Are there many of you who have to deal with your emotions in a certain way?

All of my life I have needed time to reflect upon the day. Usually I call it my de-stressing time. The time right after I get home from work during the day. Usually about an hour's time frame.
To me there is nothing better than sitting in the middle of nature doing absolutely nothing but listening and thinking. Seeing what all god has created for us.
When we can sell both of the houses we own. We have already decided he gets his own room and I get mine. Aside from the one we will share together. Mine will be a sewing room and his will be his own computer room. When we need that quiet time.

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 3

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 4:34:46 PM

dominmd

Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Everyone needs this time, even Doms. Alone time is great therapy for the mind.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 4

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 5:05:37 PM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

I am in total agreement..we all need time to ourselves...just look at it as a mother who finally gets to take the child off her hip and sit down to rest her feet...at that moment is there any greater relief...

Fury

(in reply to dominmd)

Post #: 5

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 5:12:00 PM

wednesday

Posts: 93
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

I like alone time. It is really important to me. Luckily in my relationship I can say straight out "I need 2 hours to myself" and he will happily grant them. Granted we aren't in a TPE but it's so easy to spend every minute together if one of us doesn't specify.

One thing I am lucky to have in my relationship (that I wish everyone COULD have) is the opportunity to do my own thing even when we're together. If I want to sit and write for an hour, or read, or wash dishes (which has zenlike quality to me), or whatever it is... I can do that in the same room as him, without either of us disturbing the other. So I have the solitary activity, but not necessarily the isolation. I treasure that a great deal.

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 6

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 5:19:56 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

Imperative!
For anyone wanting to maintain good mental health
and relationships.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

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(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 7

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 5:57:38 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

crowds shake me, so yes solitiude, but the *right* solititude is what makes it.
preferably somewhere rural, water, a horse (they listen really well)
if i cant find that, then i use music to drown out the noise so i can clear my head.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to brightspot)

Post #: 8

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 6:29:38 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Solitary confinement...really freaked me out....
I need crowds and noise and people around me all of the time.
I'm ashamed to say a cockroach was my friend for 30 days.
But, it was a pretty roach and I don't hold a grudge for that 8 legged bug two timing me.
I couldn't please.
Oh well, back to the noise...let's party.

Oh yeah, I was in solitary confinement for .......... breaking in to a bank.

But the piggy bank belonged to my ex wife....and I would have paid it all back...I swear.

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 9

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 6:49:18 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

oh yes, i do love my alone time.

and i live alone. sometimes, though, i will not see the light of day for 36 hours, and i am fine. it is so good to relax, and not be obligated to be anywhere, but here.

well, and wherever Master wants me to be when He is looking for me. *l*

wait, there are obligations to DomCats, but they are fuzzy and snuggle well.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 10

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 7:07:06 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fourpeas

How do other subs/slaves feel about this? Are there many of you who like spending a good dose of time in solitude? Are there many of you who have to deal with your emotions in a certain way?

Absolutely. In fact it was quite a shock for me to realize that I need to be with my loved ones AND I also really need to have time alone. If those things are out of balance, then I am not in a happy place.

In fact as a poly thing I think it's key for everyone to know the value of alone time, to treasure it and need it in their lives. All of my partners recognize that they just need time to themselves as well.

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 11

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 7:10:08 PM

tigress31047

Posts: 98
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

my alone time is best when its in the flower garden. especially creating a new one.. put the headphones on and just chill to tunes and create a brand new beautiful place to sit and gaze at..i could spend hours outside "playing in the dirt" as Master calls it ...He actually has to remind me its time to come in sometimes (lol)

(in reply to sanita)

Post #: 12

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 7:30:16 PM

dominmd

Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

My personal alone time involves time in the woods. Nature and me and nothing else.

(in reply to tigress31047)

Post #: 13

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 7:30:27 PM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

When getting with my Owner, He knew I was for the most part anti- social. Although ther are times he demands that I be social, he encourages my alone time.

During my along time I write, take bike rides, run, simply take a long hot shower, or simply sit outside under the stars for awhile. He also demands I meditate for 30 minutes a day, during that time I am typically alone. It give me time to decompress, to refocus, and to get my head and emotions in line. It allows me to keep a healthy state of mind.

nika, Phoenix's deviant slave

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to tigress31047)

Post #: 14

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/25/2005 8:09:33 PM

mossy

Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

fourpeas.....i really liked the way you introduced this thread, explaining that this solitude was not running away time. Because when you're in a relationship with someone who is insecure, or egotistical, (those are the only ones i can think of at the moment), often thats exactly what they will say! They equate you wanting space....as you deserting them. Often then it will become a matter of "you are running away". i need space to think too i agree with what was said.

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 15

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/26/2005 9:23:53 AM

sultryvoice

Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline

I have found I need this "alone" time. I have a 20 year old daughter and I cherish time alone to do crafts, sew and whatever I need to. I have my room and the sewing/computer room. I have also found that being alone is not being lonely. This is my mental health time and to recharge.

Respectfully,
sultry

(in reply to mossy)

Post #: 16

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/26/2005 12:45:57 PM

shaohua

Posts: 21
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline

i find that there are times when i too need solitude. my "private time" (if it can be called that) is when i take a bath. Yes, i am still available to my Master for anything he needs, and the door is open..but it's my quiet time...my time to reflect, think, relax, read, whatever.

it has kept me sane on many occourances where i thought i was going to go insane.

< Message edited by shaohua -- 7/26/2005 12:48:08 PM >

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 17

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/26/2005 5:43:14 PM

subcheryl

Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline

It depends on my mood for the type of alone time I need. When first left my husband, my alone time was to deal with anger and hurt feelings, for the sake of my children and my emotional needs did long walks in our local state park, than it would sooth and calm me and I could start to think. Sometime even now alone time is as simple as reading a book, sewing a new outfit, or tinkering with my container garden . But yes we all need that time to reflect and think things thru or just veggitate.

(in reply to shaohua)

Post #: 18

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/26/2005 6:23:05 PM

softandshy

Posts: 297
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

Yes, i need alone time to serve best when we're together. It clears my head, allows me to resume focus, helps me define anything we need to discuss too. For me it's important that the time be outdoors. Often what i'll do is walk the dog, a nice ramble. i'm also required to journal and meditate daily. And if the Mistress sees me having trouble and not being able to express it, She'll send me to go sew until i'm ready to talk to Her.

_____________________________

Happy "Swamp Thing"

(in reply to subcheryl)

Post #: 19

RE: Solitude and the Submissive/Slave - 7/26/2005 7:16:19 PM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fourpeas

Are there many of you who have to deal with your emotions in a certain way?

This is one of the most interesting questions I have seen. After spending alot of time thinking about it, I realized I do this. I think I try to do this to maintain some kind of control because strong emotions make me feel really out of control and I find that scares me.

I remember once reading a post about a girl going through an incredibly tough/stressful time in her life. Her owner tied her wrists together and bound her legs in some way then had her fold laundry. It sounds weird but she got so caught up in the task that she could forget about her problems for a while, and just having that time not thinking about all the stuff going on in her life helped her to de-stress.

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 20

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