How Do You Cope with Dissapointment?

How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (Full Version)

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GoddessAriana -> How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/3/2007 8:14:47 PM)
Ladies, I need some advice and so I turn to my Sisters who are here in the trenches with me... How do you cope with dissapointment? Do you feel that as Dominant Women we are held to a different set of standards than vanilla or submissive Women? Aren't we allowed to cry or be hurt or to be angry? Its almost like we are suppose to be robots or something. sigh I just get frustrated sometimes. Dissapointment sucks and life does go on, I just feel like Im not suppose to feel hurt or upset and god forbid I should cry. Im still human. For me this is a lifestyle, a way of life, not just something I do for fun, or on the weekends or whatever. So, I ask you, how do you all deal with things? Any advice on what I can do to not be so affected by things or by the hurt and agony of dissapointment? Thank you in advance! [:D] Goddess Ariana

MaamJay -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/3/2007 8:22:34 PM)
Well I don't put Myself on such a tall pedestal as the only way down is to fall off and that will only add to the hurt! I'm human first, Domme second ... therefore I give Myself permission to freely express the full range of human emotions in appropriate ways! And My subs are informed of that from the get-go ... and provided with hints and tips as to how to treat Me in different situations! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

LaMistressa -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/3/2007 8:26:06 PM)
For disappointment, I try to put it in context. Someone didn't turn out to be who I thought they were, I move on and forget them. A friend hurts me inadvertantly, I forgive them. (Someone hurts me deliberately? I kick their ass or cut them out of my life.) As for crying or being hurt, that is part of the human condition, whether you are dominant or submissive or some combination thereof. In the last six months I lost both of my parents, and I still grieve. Anyone who didn't understand that would be out of my life quickly. I also went through a very bad breakup, and those who cared for me understood that - you can't bottle that sort of experience up and let it fester. You grieve, and then you move on. Life hurts sometimes, and it's okay to feel it. Anyone who wants a fembot should contact Victoria Beckham or the Realdoll corporation. (Edited for very human spelling.)

TatrixdEville -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/3/2007 8:30:09 PM)
EXACTLY. Though I have been the butt of many who are outside looking in, I have had to cut a "sub" from My life. Does it hurt? Hell yes. We are HUMAN, first and foremost. I cope by crying, lashing out angrily toward inanimate objects, blogging, or by getting rid of the problem. It hurts like hell, but in the end, it needed to be done. hugs It's gonna hurt. But there are people to talk to, yanno? quote: (Someone hurts me deliberately? I kick their ass or cut them out of my life.)

GoddessAriana -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/3/2007 8:33:20 PM)
Thank you. Its good to know there are others out there that actually "feel", who aren't in it for the money, the glory (ha! yeah right), who are just real Women. On a different note, I had a Posh Spice Doll back in the day and I have no desire to be like her ;)

ProMissTheresa -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 12:24:13 AM)
I agree, don't let the responsibility and the need to maintain that strong facade cripple you in the long run. Every now and then, you need a good cathartic cry to release some of that angsty feeling energy. Allow yourself to be human, follow your instincts and you will be alright. I do something to make me happy when I am feeling like that, and it can be as simple as putting on a lovely item to wear, or taking a bubble bath... whatever little thing you would adore, do it! ;) Chin up, dear, in the end, it's not so bad really. MissT

MissMagnolia -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 12:43:11 AM)
Posh Spice? You insane little person!!![;)][8D] Yes, we all feel, Dom/me, sub, slave, man and woman. I crack the mega shits with the entire universe, make everyones life hell, then look at it for what it was, realise it wasn't nearly as important as I thought and go for a manicure.[:)]

canupleaseme -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 2:08:34 AM)
I struggled with disapointment the1st time it happened becasue I felt it was undommely for me to show it to my boy. I was very wrong I have learnt to be honest and talk about it with him if i feel it and writing it all down also helped. Most of the time once I had talked it through I realised that either it wasnt so bad or basically I had expected too much and wasnt being realistic so I learnt from it too. I was so disapointed when after 6 months of using a cb3000 it just didnt work out and I found it so hard to deal with I cried felt like shit felt like I had failed alsorts of silly crap, looking back it was so silly really and I have learnt a lot from that situation. I have found if I cant talk to my boy then talking to other doms and being able to vent my frustration etc has been really helpful too.

mnottertail -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 2:13:55 AM)
HEY!!!! Yes you are allowed all these things---------get over it, you are dominant, not the end all to be all--------you'll get over it and so will he/she or whatever. Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden and I will give you peace---------dominants? take a fuckin' hike...............move on, get over it quick Edith. C'est la Vie, Babee............. Archie Bunker, Ron(ne)

MsLilac -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 2:20:17 AM)
I am a feeling human being, emotional and fallible. Being dominant is just one facet of my personality, it does not automatically exclude me from imperfection, feeling emotion, crying or life. I see where you are coming from. There does seem to be this stereotype that Dom/mes are ‘meant’ to be zen-like, infallible creatures complete with a phd is psychology, lol. As for disappointment, I don’t react to well to the extreme variety. Depending on the context, I react with a lot of swearing, and possibly a mini tantrum or two, maybe a chocolate cake, then I’m over it. No, I don’t think there are a differing set of standards of between ‘us’, and the ‘vanillas‘ in the sense of dealing with emotion. Making the distinction between the two perpetrates the limiting stereotype that we are these exceptional Goddess-like creatures. I am not a Goddess, nor do I desire to be one - I do not transcend humanity. I get hurt, I cry, I make mistakes, I eat chocolate cake lol. To quote L’oreal, I am multi-faceted! Don’t fall into the trap of feeling that because you are dominant and/or kinky, that you cannot release emotion, or tears, or react the way you want to react. I very briefly fell into that mindset when was younger. I just don’t think it’s healthy to stifle emotion, or aspire to stifle it. I just learn from it. I do hope that whatever has made you feel sad gets better soon, as for my advice, I've heard chocolate cake work wonders! ;-) All the best.

thetammyjo -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 5:07:42 AM)
You know how you cope in private is no one's business. You cope as you need to with disappointments in life. The how will be different for each person. I have people I can talk to, violent video games to channel energy into, or baking to do for immediate gratification and success. In public you should think about the same things anyone in any lifestyle or role does. If someone can't handle your tears in public simply because you are kinky or female or dominant, are they really worth your concern?

brightspot -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 7:28:19 AM)
So, I ask you, how do you all deal with things? Any advice on what I can do to not be so affected by things or by the hurt and agony of dissapointment? Watch the world news. My problems tend to be small compared to what others in the world are dealing with. It helps me to become less self obsorbed and that overcoming my stuff is mangeable compared to the mountains some people are climbing. *Missy.* *P.S. I think it totally mormal amd healthy for you to cry, get frustrated and express your emotions.*

ocilla -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 10:04:44 AM)
For my first play partner I made the mistake of not applying the same standards and requirements that I have for a typical vanilla fella...I was thinking, damn, I need experience and I know this first person is not going to be a keeper. I realize now in retrospect that I did not even make sure this fella met my base "friend" requirements. So yeah I found myself dissappointed in how insensitive he was to me esspecially in the end. It was a really good lesson and one I am kicking myself for...I know better. But how am I going about handling it? Well, I complain here a little. I analyse the relationship for clues and clarity in order to not repeat said disappointment. I write letters that I don't send, I talk to my girlfriends, and I date or meet lots of new boys and try to remind myself of all the other fish in the sea. And I try hard not to get cagey when a new one starts to connect...this is the hard part as you know old baggage can really complicate new situations. Ultimately, the more I allow myself to process the discomfort, disappointment, fear and anger the better off I am moving into my next relationship with openess.

Lashra -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 12:35:30 PM)
I explained to my sub from the start that I was human before anything else. I told him I will make mistakes, I will get angry, I will be tired, I will proscratinate etc etc. And it all happens because I am human. It took him a while to understand this because he been taught to believe (He was a dominant in his prior relationships) that Dominants never show emotion or weakness of any kind less they loose the respect of their submissive. My reply was if my sub is going to damn me for being human then, he does not need to be my sub. I refuse to get an ulcer pretending to be something I am not and this struck a deep cord with him. Because for YEARS he had pretended to be something he was not and he was never happy, he was always miserable. Disappointment I try to keep in perspective, everyone has them and you have to accept them for what they are and move on. If there is a lesson to learn, learn it so that you don't repeat the cycle again. I do tend to be hard on myself when I make a mistake so that in itself is enough to make me be careful. All in all it boils down to this, everyone is human and we all make mistakes. No one is perfect and the ones who think they are, are only deluding themselves. ~Lashra

ShiftedJewel -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 12:54:45 PM)
*I have an 80 pound heavy bag hanging in my computer room... sparring gloves in the drawer... that helps a LOT.* *Jewel*

SweetDommes -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 2:26:47 PM)
I need a dark, quiet place. My closet happens to be the perfect size for me to put a blanket down for padding, and lay down in there with my cat. I cry, I get sad ... I'm on an anti-depressant now, so hopefully the days of being suicidal are over ... I play with the other critters, I go for walks, I talk to my mom/my friends/my partners, and I start looking again. Sometimes it requires a bit of a break before I'm ready to start looking again. At this point, if something happens and the boy we are talking to right now doesn't work out, I'll probably have to take a break (and spend a lot of time curled up with my cat in the closet). Whatever methods work for you in dealing with any other stressor - that's what you need to do ... and to hell with those who think that Dominants are supposed to be emotionless robots - it's not healthy, it's not realistic, it's flat out insane to expect someone to never show any negative emotion.

pixelslave -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 2:30:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessAriana How do you cope with dissapointment? Do you feel that as Dominant Women we are held to a different set of standards than vanilla or submissive Women? Aren't we allowed to cry or be hurt or to be angry? Its almost like we are suppose to be robots or something. Who made the set of rules that you seem to feel the need to follow? I personally wouldn't want to be with a Mistress who closed her emotions off to me as you describe. Your relationship with your sub is what *YOU* decide to make it. You're not governed by anyone else's standards other than your own. [;)] I suggest you let yourself be a real person and woman to your sub. Let them experience and appreciate you for all that you are. Perhaps then, you'll have the support and the kind of relationship with them you'd like without the expectations and pressures to fulfill someone's fantasy or be their projected ideal that dominant women often complain of when when approached by a new potential; especially one who turns out to be a stereotypical wanker that inappropriately decides to share his unfulfilled fantasies on first contact. [&:] - pixel Collared to Majik

iammachine -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/4/2007 2:44:37 PM)
quote: Its almost like we are suppose to be robots or something. Hey, I resemble that remark! [;)] Anyway, disappointment is an unfortunate fact of life, and life happens. You're human, and have every right to your feelings. Acknowledge that what you feel sucks, learn from it, and move on. That's my modus operandi, at least.

GoddessAriana -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/6/2007 1:28:56 AM)
Well spank my ass and call me susie...wait Im a Domme....spank My ass and call Me Goddess....lol Seriously though...Thank you to everyone that gave me their advice. Its easy to get caught up in the D/s world and forget that there really is more to life than being a Domme, ya know? Its good to know Im not the only "real" Woman out there, to hear the subs talk, we are all a bunch of fakes and whatnot. I always thought it was them that were the fakers and the wankers. Love to All the Sisters

laurell3 -> RE: How Do You Cope with Dissapointment? (10/6/2007 1:33:04 AM)
hmmm not sure either as a class are "fakers and wankers"..... l

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