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RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 5:15:58 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira

My question is this:

I need a submissive way to let him know that accusing me of making up my medical problems and the pain they cause is not acceptable to me. I don't ridicule him or accuse him of making it up when his diabetes gets out of control. So how can I get him to see that what he's saying is not fair without stepping over the submissive line?


Here's my question back to you: Why?

Is he fulfilling his responsibilities as your dominant if he disregards your medical and physical needs?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to stateira)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 5:27:01 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		echoing most of the replies here - you should get out of this relationship.

a master is suppose to care about you and your health ...spanking you because he wants to while respectfully telling him you're in pain clearly shows how much he "cares" about you.  he doesn't. why risk your health for more unnecessary injuries?

the decision is ultimately yours - either you stay or leave him

if it was me in your shoes (and i have been there before with my former doms), i would leave. my health is precious to me.




_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to stateira)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 5:47:26 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira

I need a submissive way to let him know that accusing me of making up my medical problems and the pain they cause is not acceptable to me.  I don't ridicule him or accuse him of making it up when his diabetes gets out of control.  So how can I get him to see that what he's saying is not fair without stepping over the submissive line?


Screw the submissive way. Invite him to talk to your doctor.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to stateira)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 5:55:37 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord
Is it just me, or does asking about help in a relationship often yield condemnations from respondees?


It's not just you seeing this.

To the OP, I suggest that you print out your ailments including symptoms and that you have him go with you to your next doctors appointment. Sit down and talk to him not as a submissive per say but as a woman talking to a man. Ask him if you can have an open conversation about something that is really upsetting you and see how that goes. Sometimes if they have the literature to read it helps to lead to understanding.
It sounds like he genuinely does not understand what is happening to your body. If he does understand yet doesn't care then you need to decide if him not caring about your physical health is something you are willing to battle.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 5:57:19 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira

I need some help.  Master is talking about releasing me and disliking me and calling me every name in the book along with telling me I'm not a submissive.  I just need some help as far as how to talk to him.  This is the most recent incident and it's really got him upset. 

A little background...I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome).  During that time of the month and the week before my belly is very sensitive, especially since I had surgery for it.  I also have PMDD which is a severe form of pms...makes my entire body stiff and achey and makes me sick to my stomach.  

So tonight Master wanted to spank me.  I tell him that I'm really hurting and can't really take that tonight.  He says too bad and rolls me over and starts spanking.  Usually it's not something that would hurt me but with the rest of me hurting it just makes things worse.  So I try to get away and kick and holler and everything else because it's hurting so much until he finally lets go.  From there I am upset because along with everything else, my bottom hurts.  I asked him why he did it and he said just because he wanted to.  I told him he was being selfish...I know not the most submissive thing in the world.  Believe me, he let me know just what he thought of me after that one.  He also let me know that all Masters do things to their girls that might hurt her for his own reasons. 

From there he goes on to tell me that he thinks I'm making up excuses because I don't want to enjoy what he's doing.  I'm not really hurting, he says, I'm just saying that to make him miserable.  I'm not really sick, he says, I'm just making it up so I can't enjoy myself.

My question is this:

I need a submissive way to let him know that accusing me of making up my medical problems and the pain they cause is not acceptable to me.  I don't ridicule him or accuse him of making it up when his diabetes gets out of control.  So how can I get him to see that what he's saying is not fair without stepping over the submissive line?


With respect,

I would not suggest you approach him in a submissive way.

I'd make it clear to him this is a hard limit, and if he refuses to respect you and trust you, then the relationship is over.

From what you've described, I'd say you partner doesn't respect you or trust you, and has taken a step across the line into non-consensual behaviour (which you made obvious to him before he started spanking you).

Your health issues are no different from his. You have every right and reason to expect consideration when your symptoms flare up, same as him.

If he can't handle that, he's better off with someone who doesn't have these problems, and you are better off without him.

Or so it seems to me.


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to stateira)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 6:00:40 AM   
sweetNsmartBBW


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		"Screw the submissive way. Invite him to talk to your doctor. "

I completely agree with AquaticSub.  You were kicking and screaming, due to pain from a medical condition, when He tried to spank you; I'd worry less right now about submissive communication- and more about communication in general.  There are some underlying problems here that need to be addressed: ~why~ does He think you are making excuses (i.e., why does He not trust you on this?) and why can't you talk to Him about it in a mature, rational and informative way (i.e., you can't trust Him to take your health concerns seriously or to communicate with Him)? 

Since that seems to be an issue- have Him come with you to your doctor to discuss your condition.  That should settle your immediate concern.  From there, you and He really need to talk about what's going on in the relationship.  If you still can't trust each other at that point, or He continues the behavior after talking to the doctor (at which time I'd say it's a clear cut case of abuse)- then it's time to find a way to move on.  

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 7:00:00 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		stateira,
What I have to say is not a response to this post specifically, but to an accumulation of many of your postings here. It would seem that when one looks at the big picture, your relationship with this man is one that is fraught with difficulty. I would suggest that you take a step back and examine if it is really fulfilling you.....either of you....and make your decisions from there as to how to proceed. There is only just so much that communication can fix....and in order for that to work there must be TWO willing partners who can come close to getting on the same page.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to stateira)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 7:19:02 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie


Perhaps it's because the situations posted warrant it?  PCOS and PMDD are both very real physical conditions.  If someone is not willing to address another's physical limitations in a positive way, does he truly have her best interests at heart or is he being a selfish asshat?

Looks like asshat, smells like asshat ...

Asshat. 

I agree.  It shows a lack concern, caring, responsibility. Personally, I wouldn't bother to be with someone that can't accept that I have health issues to deal with.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 7:31:48 AM   
sundownhawk


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline 		You should not need any special way to approach this with him. If he needs to be informed about the condition then discuss it with him.

Something I noted though was when you said that he implies that you are lying or making things up to make him miserable. That sounds to me like there is a lack of trust, that is something that can be worked through. If there are no reasons why he should not trust you or no history of trust issues between you both then it may be he is consumed with only his wants, needs and desires. I fail to see where someone with that attitude could be right for anyone. If I were in that situation I would spend time researching the condition to educate myself.


_____________________________

The number one job of the dominant is to continually seduce consent from the bottom. ~Joseph W. Bean~

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 8:57:37 AM   
Phoenix2raven


Posts: 347
Joined: 10/14/2006
Status: offline 		Seeing as you are asking how to do a submissive response to his selfish demands I will say this. Just say it from your heart using what ever protocol is in place for you i.e. Sir may we talk about my PCOS. I want to try to resolve this problem because It's very painful. Depending on how he responds to you. It would be in your best interest to give it 1 try and if he continues to be a selfish ass dump him very quickly because he is being Domineering not Dominant.
~Phoenix~


_____________________________

If you're a Dominate, are you looking for a sublimate?

(in reply to sundownhawk)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 9:22:48 AM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		As others have advised, take him with you to an appointment with your doctor about it. Let him hear it straight from the doctor and have the opportunity to ask questions of the doctor about your situation. Another idea is to ask your doctor to write a letter (to whom it may concern type thing) stating your problems and limitations and such addressing these health issues. Show it to your master. On issues like this with what you've said in your op......forget a "submissive way" to say something and focus more on respectfully and clearly communicating the problem......actually that IS one "submissive way" of doing it. You are informing him of the problems with your doctor's assistance so it is clearly communicated. If after that he's still the same................well.............that's up to you to decide on then. I wish you the best.

edited for forgetfulness and improper quotation mark placement.

< Message edited by SweetSarijane -- 10/4/2007 9:26:00 AM >

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Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to Phoenix2raven)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 9:39:16 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		after telling him that his behavior is unacceptable to you, return the collar and say goodbye.
 
next time, make sure that your Master is aware and accepting of your limitations before collaring you.
 
good luck. 

(in reply to stateira)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 2:01:38 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		You wrote this below


quote:

I found myself in the same situation a couple years ago when I was just starting and someone told me this...it may help you and it may not.  They said you will be able to be and feel truly submissive when you are in the presence of a truly dominant man that you connect with, and from there you'll just know what to do because you will feel comfortable in it.  Like I said, I don't know if that will work for you or not, but whatever you do be yourself and stick to your morals and beliefs, no matter who asks you to.  Someone who tries to tell you that you are supposed to think the way they do because they call themselves a dom, is not a Dom.  A real dominant will usually recognize that you are a person and have a mind and emotions and feelings and won't ask you to change that.


When you told your master  NO with an explanation , and he choose to ignore and went ahead and did   anyway, that made it a non consentual  act against  you, which  is in fact ,  abuse in the eyes of the law, and his actions also show his lack of respect for you. 

I was once in a physical abusive relationship, no matter how much hoping, praying , begging you do, your relationship will not improve,   all it will do is get worse because of the bottom line he has NO respect for you nor does he have a conscience as he feels no remorse for having caused you pain..   

In BDSM pain is suppose to be about bringing the sub pleasure, what he did was not about pleasuring you but meeting his own selfish needs without consideration for your well being.   If you apologize, and beg for his foregiveness  all you are doing is enabling him to continuing being abusive toward  you and in time that abuse will intensify, How far are you willing to allow him to abuse you??? 

Many of the people here are victims of abusive relationships, and most likely the majority of those that are telling you to walk away are those that have been though it and are seeing the signs that you are not in a real loving M/s relationship but that of an abusive relationship blanketed in the guise of M/S. 



(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 2:19:48 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Probably time for you to consider moving on.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 2:41:05 PM   
kirby104


Posts: 94
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline 		That is ABUSE. Get away quickly. You derserve much better.

(in reply to stateira)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 2:46:11 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Is it just me, or does asking about help in a relationship often yield condemnations from respondees?


That depends on the nature of the help one is asking for.  If someone is in a relationship where their safety or health isnt being considered and they are looking for a way to be nice and ask for it to be taken into account, usualy we will.
If its a matter of Master wants to pick out my clothes and I dont like his taste what do i do.. thats a little different.
If this were whining about not being alowed to do favorite things, or being punished because she screwed up, I doubt most of us would say head for the hills.
I would only hope that if I ever ran onto a quandry like this, the people I came to would be equaly as truthful. She wanted our opinions.  We think she needs out. So we told her so.

DV



_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 2:48:37 PM   
kirby104


Posts: 94
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline 		It is obvious that the "dom" has no empathy for the sub and crosses the line into non-censual actions. How many times is enough?

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 5:42:28 PM   
AEslaveM


Posts: 126
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		RUN, girl, RUN!

M

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M


(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 7:05:07 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP..It sounds to me as if your Dominant feels "submissive" to your health conditions. And as many have pointed out there seems to be some real "trust " issues going on with the both of you.I think some men tend to feel uncomfortable with illness of any kind so they tend to "ignore" it's presence, and hope it goes away.Many options have been given so I will not reiterate them. I wish you well..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to AEslaveM)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: speech help - 10/4/2007 7:39:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I sympathize with the dominant SOMEWHAT in this situation.  However, his behavior is nothing new from what has been described in numerous problems in this relationship before. 

The issue here isn't really even that he did something that the sub didn't want or feel good about.  I'm ok with a dom being selfish.  I'm ok with a dom using a sub even when they are sick and not into it.  I really don't see how spanking a woman really hard is going to make health problems worse, and in theory, she got into this relationship KNOWING he was the type who would treat her exactly like that so the mental and emotional issues are taken care of (though many a slave lies to themelves and says they can/will accept something and later finds they were wrong).

The issue is much more the petulance, defense barbs and overall breakdown of communication that occurred after the spanking.  Nothing there speaks of dominance, or healthy relationship problem solving. 

But again, this is nothing new- you either need to accept this is how/who he is, or end it.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 40
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