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slavewlove -> RE: Psychology Today article "The Pleasure of Pain" (10/23/2007 3:56:49 AM)
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I read through this article twice and i do not think it is biased at all. the author gives quotes that have a negative view and then others with a positive view. i personaly think she did a good job being neutral. I too have a phych degree and i am in my second year of graduate school studying psychology and i dont see how that relevant to reading this article. It is an informative piece. Also, when Dragynsfury stated, " I love filtering through the "opinions" to get to the "facts", it confused me. most of BDSM is opinion unless you are talking about technique. Ask ten people what the terms, slave and submissive mean. They can only give you there opinion of what it means. Or ask what is a 24/7 relationship is and what the rules are. it will be different to fit their situation.
"Although people report that they have better-than-usual sex immediately after a scene, the goal of S & M itself is not intercourse: "A good scene doesn't end in orgasm, it ends in catharsis."
In regards to: "Rather simplistic. It states that the purpose of BDSM is catharsis, not improved sex. I don't think I've ever asked him to tie me up and give me a catharctic experience. I have asked for incredibly shattering orgasms though. For us, it is sexual."
I know many people in the lifestyle that do not have sex or orgasims after a play session. This happens for many reasons....maybe the Dominant or submissive is married and it is against what the married couple negotiated, maybe there is a game of orgasim denial, or maybe they arent sexually attracted together but still play using just S&M. For myself, it is about the cathartic feeling....sex is just icing on the cake but i could take it or leave it if i have reached that cathartic sub space. It is like meditating and becoming one with yourself. After every sting of the whip, paddle, or hand makes me a stronger woman and submissive. Each time i get pushed further the more intense and rewarding subspace (the cathartic moment) is for me.
"While S & M is the regulated exchange of power among consensual participants, sexual sadism is the derivation of pleasure from either inflicting pain or completely controlling an unwilling person."
I think this is very imprtant to put out to the general public. There are still alot of people out there that do not understant that what we do is a healthy outlet. I went to a book store in San Francisco and asked the woman at the counter if she had a section on BDSM. She gave me a whole run down on why BDSM is wrong because these men are raping and abusing woman and how god thinks that this is wrong....blah blah blah. Now if she was properly educated then maybe she could be a little more open minded. San Fran is one of the most liberal places i know of so it makes me wonder what the less liberal states are like. i dont think that we should ever just assume that other people know what this is all about. So if it seems simple to some it may not be to everyone. And if it sheds the light to a few people then we should be glad that there is less people to judge us with faulty information.
"Sheldon Bach, Ph.D., clinical professor of psychology at New York University and supervising analyst at the New York Freudian Society, maintains that people are addicted to S & M. They feel compelled to be "anally abused or crawl on their knees and lick a boot or a penis or who knows what else. The problem," he continues, "is that they can't love. They are searching for love, and S & M is the only way they can try to find it because they are locked into sadomasochistic interactions they had with a parent."
I dont necessarily agree with what he is saying but there is some truth to it. He is coming from a freudian background and probably refering to the edipus complex where the child wants to be with the parent of the opposite sex. Now if you take a moment, sit down, and think about about the dynamics that your parents had with each other.... Was one more dominant or submissive? now im not saying that you wanted to kill a parent to be with the other but people tend to mirror the relationship of their parents to their own adult relationships.
Also, i have been in the lifestyle for 4 years now (i know im still a baby compared to some!) and have had a few Dominants. Two for about a year each and then some that were only a few months. Not once did i have a Dominant love me back. I have asked some dominants if they think that love exists with in the lifestyle and many said, "No." This left me so unsettled because i would only want to serve someone if i cared for him deeply and then eventually love will come. This may not be true for everyone but it is for me. So i chose to be optimistic and think that love is out there for me!
How do we know that the writer is not into S&M...just because she didnt say it doesnt mean that she doesnt partake in the fun!
i am writing this at nearly 4am so please forgive any spelling errors and bad grammer!
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