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Help Please - 7/26/2005 6:28:06 AM

slut56

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/31/2005
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I think of myself a genuine person, I have tried to be honest oh here..... to be a liar you have to have a good memory.... I havent!
Yet, I still cant find a Mistress, I know people on here are not what they always say they are, perhaps some are in it for a cheap thrill or whatever.
But why cant i find a Mistress? What does a Mistress look for? Im open to any comments or advice, can you help please.
Thanks
Slut

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RE: Help Please - 7/26/2005 7:07:38 AM

dommemagnet

Posts: 134
Joined: 10/6/2004
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this topic has been covered quite extensively in multiple threads. Please read several in the "ask a mistress" message board.

Hopefully you'll find some insight in previous threads but briefly, most Mistresses are looking for a relationship with someone that is not one dimensional. In other words, you have interests and a career outside of the lifestyle. They like to be courted much as you would if you were pursuing a vanilla partner. Most are not here for cheap thrills as they have no trouble finding all of that they care to endure in real life.

You'll find that each potential Mistress may share the above commonalities but they are all unique as well. Read their profiles-no really read them! If something in that profile attracts you to that "person" then attempt to make contact but only if you possess the qualities they are searching for. (gainfully employed, interests outside of kink, etc.) It's important to most of them to be appreciated as a person first, a Dominant female but a person.

Finally, review your profile and add detail to help a potential Mistress learn more about you should they be hunting. Go into as much detail as possible not concerning your kinks, fetishes and so on but about you as a person. What are your hobbies? What kind of wine do you like? Opera? Sports events? Concerts?
If the label doesn't tell you what's in the package, would you buy it?

Good luck. Hope it works out for you.

PS. reviewed your profile. Notice your married. Points for honesty but most of the Mistresses that frequent the boards are looking for partners, soul mates, long term relationships. Not many would think you capable of giving 100% to your Mistress while maintaining a marriage. i don't know if that's realistic frankly.

< Message edited by dommemagnet -- 7/26/2005 7:11:00 AM >

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RE: Help Please - 7/26/2005 7:58:58 AM

SadisticPrincess

Posts: 87
Joined: 7/4/2005
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Dommemagnet, I have not come across any of your posts before, but I hope to see more in the future! Very well put. :)

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RE: Help Please - 7/26/2005 8:54:36 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slut56

I think of myself a genuine person, I have tried to be honest oh here..... to be a liar you have to have a good memory.... I havent!
Yet, I still cant find a Mistress, I know people on here are not what they always say they are, perhaps some are in it for a cheap thrill or whatever.
But why cant i find a Mistress? What does a Mistress look for? Im open to any comments or advice, can you help please.
Thanks
Slut

The fact that you're married automatically eliminates a lot of potential partners who are looking for a relationship partner on more than just a play level. Also, if you have to keep this a secret from your wife -- if you are asking a woman to help you "cheat" so to speak -- you eliminate the potential list dramatically again. If your wife knows what you are doing and has given you the ok to play outside the marriage, that helps you somewhat.

Have you considered seeing a professional dominant?
Akasha

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RE: Help Please - 7/26/2005 12:18:33 PM

SadisticPrincess

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It's a sad fact that most of my professional clientele consists of married men. IMO, if you are married, you already have someone that you should be serving. If you are just looking for PLAY, there are other outlets that you can find---but be clear what you are asking for.

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RE: Help Please - 7/26/2005 1:18:22 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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You may want to go read http://www.femalesincontrol.com/courtship.htm and http://gloria-brame.com/domidea/dompoe.htm Those may help.

Realistically though, I think the points brought up about you being married are your big problem, though. Domme are rare, so they get to set the rules for relationships. Most single non pro Domme are looking for someone to share a relationship with, and that is what they "get out" of things. (You can't list sex or the BDSM aspect as women can get either of those easily. Those two things are never a selling point in a BDSM relationship.) Since you are married and can't take them out to dinner on Friday night, come over at 3 in the morning with a gallon of chocolate ice cream because she called and is PMSing or spend all day every Sunday waiting on them, they may feel they're not getting what THEY need out of the relationship. While your profile says you want to give a Domme 100%, how do you reconcile that with not being there when SHE wants you to be there? And lets face it.. you're dealing with women who aren't the norm. They've gotten over societal conditioning and they're not looking to generally please the world. They're out to please themselves. (I'm not saying that Domme are not socially conscious, I'm saying that they're not going to overlook their needs and get into a less than optimal relationship) BDSM is not about YOUR fantasy or what you want.. it is about the Domme's. (I'm not talking about the relationship dynamic in an established couple, where the sub's needs are taken into consideration. I'm talking about taking on a new person, when if the sub wants it and the Domme doesn't, she walks away.)

So what do you offer that would make up for the fact that you're expecting the Domme to play second fiddle to your wife? For the fact that you're available to her when YOU want and on your terms? I can't think of much other than money that would do it.. and those women are called Pro Domme. You are paying for the privileged of not being at her beck and call at times other than scheduled sessions. That makes it worth her while.

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RE: Help Please - 7/26/2005 1:49:01 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
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From: Iowa
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quote:

So what do you offer that would make up for the fact that you're expecting the Domme to play second fiddle to your wife?

BeachMystress makes a good point. It is good that you are up front about being married - this will save you and your future domme a whole lot of grief. Lying about something as big as that will scuttle any relationship built on trust. (And D/s is very much about trust.) But this is something you will need to think about before you contact anyone.

Slut56, you say you are having trouble finding a domme. May I ask what you have been doing so far to find one? Have you attended the munch of your local BDSM group? I think you will find it easier to strike up a relationship face to face rather than on the internet (where anyone can be anything).

Besides, I think one of the questions a potential partner will ask is "Does your wife know you are looking? Does she approve of this?" or even "May I talk with her?" These kind of questions have a certain amount of incredulity built into them... so answering her in person may help much in gaining acceptance.

< Message edited by onceburned -- 7/26/2005 1:50:05 PM >

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RE: Help Please - 7/26/2005 7:47:38 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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Maybe your not slutty enough?
Maybe your not looking in the right places?
Maybe your really only seeking cheap thrills?
Maybe, your like me?
Fuck, finding a match isn't as easy as you would hope it to be.
Good luck, keep trying,,,and stop begging.

I'm the one that needs the attention...not you....slut!

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RE: Help Please - 7/26/2005 11:26:53 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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quote:

I'm the one that needs the attention...not you....slut!

ROFLMAO! *grins* succinctly put

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*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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