On the borderline... (Full Version)

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piratefish -> On the borderline... (7/26/2005 7:03:20 AM)

Being so new at this, I am doing as much investigating as possible, which brings me to a qustion that may wax too philosophical...but, where does one draw the line between a vanilla relationship and some other flavor? I am not sure I have formulated my own definition yet, and perhaps there is no need, but if A/anyone would like to throw something out there, that would be great.
Thanks!
Piratefish



Kiaban -> RE: On the borderline... (7/26/2005 7:15:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: piratefish

Being so new at this, I am doing as much investigating as possible, which brings me to a qustion that may wax too philosophical...but, where does one draw the line between a vanilla relationship and some other flavor? I am not sure I have formulated my own definition yet, and perhaps there is no need, but if A/anyone would like to throw something out there, that would be great.
Thanks!
Piratefish


Just as with life bdsm and/or D/s is what you make it. There is quite a variety around here from more casual weekend warrior types to very serious "24/7".
It's more of what fits you and sometimes folks start out more casual and develop further into it, sometimes not....confused yet?
I wouldn't get to hung up on terms and degrees just do you like and see where it takes you and most of all have fun.

Kiaban



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: On the borderline... (7/26/2005 7:48:32 AM)

That's a very good question and ultimately it tends to be a very personal decision. A trend I notice is for kinky people who have kink-friendly vanilla friends, their friends soon come to HATE the world vanilla. Their lives aren't boring and plain! Some of my friends insist on being called "mint chocolate chip" and things like that.

You can ask yourself- how often do we do kinky stuff? Does this person really have authority over my life in some way? How do I feel in certain situations?




happypervert -> RE: On the borderline... (7/26/2005 8:26:42 AM)

I'll confuse the issue even more. Ever watch movies or tv from the 1950s? Ya know, like Ozzie and Harriet with male dominated households and the wife fulfilling her domestic duties and saying "yes dear" a lot? Back then that was seen as the vanilla norm; now we could consider it D/s.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: On the borderline... (7/26/2005 8:30:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

I'll confuse the issue even more. Ever watch movies or tv from the 1950s? Ya know, like Ozzie and Harriet with male dominated households and the wife fulfilling her domestic duties and saying "yes dear" a lot? Back then that was seen as the vanilla norm; now we could consider it D/s.

*I* don't consider it D/s, then or now, unless the person themselves was fulfilled in that relationship BECAUSE of the authority dynamic.

Being in a relationship because that's what is socially accepted and expected of someone isn't the same as being in a Ds relationship because it's your own orientation.



Faramir -> RE: On the borderline... (7/26/2005 9:12:11 AM)

We should never wish to be hung upon defintions, for all love. Still, there is value in clarity of communication - to be able to say with some ease, "I like X" and know that without a 5 page essay your correspodent has some idea of where you are at is a good thing. Verbal shorthand has it's uses.

Friend, do you want:

-Occaisional Kink? An ad hoc element of power exchange, sometimes called roleplaying, where as you and yours decide, there will be erotic power excahnge? For example, an occaisional weekend of Master and slave roleplating? A night where one of you feels aggressive and ties the other down, etc?

-Bedroom submission? Steady power exchange in matters of sexuality and intimacy, but not in a comprhensiv sense?

-24/7 Power exchange, where there is a comprehensive exchange of power between you and your partner(s)?

-Domestic Discpline, an erotic power exchange that focuses on US culturally traditional male/female roles, and the right of the man to use corporal punishment to correct and control?


-Some other variation I haven't mentioned? Any of those sound close to what you groove on?



FangsNfeet -> RE: On the borderline... (7/26/2005 11:02:30 AM)

Well let's look at a few concepts piratefeish.

Vanilla for the most part refers to just having intercourse with your other. If you want to add religion to it there are the ideas that sex is not to be enjoyed but only used for conception. I myself could never see myself with a women who had her clit removed but it's what some cultures belive. In the case of the Church of England, women are told to only lie back and think of England durning the whole time of penetration. Other pracatices have the women wear a sheet exposing only a hole for the area of intercourse. So in a nut shell, these pracatices are the altimate vanilla.

I think that you bein to cross the idea of vanilla when the two of you decide to make sex fun for the both of you. Even if you don't cross over into BDSM, practaceing the Karmasutra and breaking out the whip cream will atleast put you into the kinky vanilla catagory. Adding in an extra person or swinging may spice things up even more. As you begin to cross over into BDSM, spanking and bondage are the typical routes that enter you into the lifestyle and you go from there.

Dose this clear anything up for you?



Faramir -> RE: On the borderline... (7/26/2005 12:00:21 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
If you want to add religion to it there are the ideas that sex is not to be enjoyed but only used for conception. I myself could never see myself with a women who had her clit removed but it's what some cultures belive. In the case of the Church of England, women are told to only lie back and think of England durning the whole time of penetration.


What a strange thing to say - both bizarre and erroneous.

1) All, most, or even several religions hold as doctrine that sex may not be enjoyed? No doubt there may be individual cultural traditions that aren't too sensual - but that's just it - they are cultural.

2) The CoE tells women to "lie back and think of England" during sex? Ok, well besides getting the quote wrong (it is "close my eyes and think of England") it has nothing to do with the Church of England qua church, and everything to do with a Victorian phrase that found some resonance in the culture (Ox Dict of Quotations attribute the phrase to Lady Hillingdon).

It's also my understanding, in looking at the use of the phrase in literature and drama that it is meant to be jocular, a piece of wit - the exact opposite of what you are saying.

You understand that people who lived before us, whether it was 200 years ago or 2,000 years ago were just as capable of being hilariously funny and, just as capable of nuanced wit and faecetiousness as any modern?



BeachMystress -> RE: On the borderline... (7/26/2005 12:26:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

I'll confuse the issue even more. Ever watch movies or tv from the 1950s? Ya know, like Ozzie and Harriet with male dominated households and the wife fulfilling her domestic duties and saying "yes dear" a lot? Back then that was seen as the vanilla norm; now we could consider it D/s.

Oh hey! That is EXACTLY what my marriage is like! Of course, he is my "wife", but that is about the only difference between us and a 1950's traditional marriage. (Oh, and the fact that my "wife" works and I don't. [;)] )



MstrHellsFury -> RE: On the borderline... (7/28/2005 5:09:05 PM)

this is way to taxing for my immuture little brain to comprehend...can someone please pass the orange sorbet....



dominmd -> RE: On the borderline... (7/28/2005 6:07:00 PM)

passes the sorbet.....

Well, your definition will come to you when you figure your place in the lifestyle out. There are many aspects to the lifestyle that you will eventually come to find that you may fit into one or two definitions nicely. But then again, you may have to define your place. It is a matter of personal tastes, psychology, and mindset.



kisshou -> RE: On the borderline... (7/28/2005 7:03:20 PM)

I had sex with this guy, afterwards he looked at me and said 'sex with you is too intense and animalistic.'

He is vanilla.



dominmd -> RE: On the borderline... (7/28/2005 7:17:43 PM)

Please tell me you took that as a compliment.

And you must be one hell of a tornado between the sheets[;)]



kisshou -> RE: On the borderline... (7/29/2005 5:56:33 AM)

no, actually I was really embarrassed and felt like a freak, He said he had to go to confession because of it.

I think it is because I am so shy and quiet that people don't expect it and it freaks them out. So now I just keep myself toned down and in check. That is why bondage is so great because then you don't have to.



mnottertail -> RE: On the borderline... (7/29/2005 6:16:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou
He said he had to go to confession because of it.

I would think that the best sex in the world if I felt I had to go to confession, hell I aint even catholic.

As Woody Allen said "Sex is only dirty when it is performed properly"

I stand in awe kisshou!

Ron



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