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When to move on - 10/5/2007 2:07:39 PM

Kitte9

Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

At what point should I give up and move on? My Domme has many others to keep her satisfied, and though she says she is very picky about her girls, it seems to me she doesn't have the time to spend with me. For the last several months I have been painting, cleaning, running errands and any number of things you can relate to, and while she spends several nights/days each week with assorted others, I have to ask her to spend time with me. I made it clear that I wanted sex as well as companionship in the beginning, and she was agreeable, but I sense she doesn't wish to hold up her end of the bargain.
Any advice?

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RE: When to move on - 10/5/2007 2:14:31 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

It depends on the relationship, but in general quite simply if your needs in the relationship are not getting met and if you have communicated this issue and/or still no effort or hope that things will change then it is time to move on.

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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Kitte9)

Post #: 2

RE: When to move on - 10/5/2007 2:24:43 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

I'd give up and move on.

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Post #: 3

RE: When to move on - 10/5/2007 3:36:55 PM

SayaNereida

Posts: 152
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline

It depends, was it agreed that there would be a period of time to 'earn' the sex and companionship? If so, did you discuss if there was a time frame?

IF you came into the relationship stating certain ideas and desires, and it was agreed they would be met without 'earning', then talk and explain how you feel. Depending on her answers, decide what you do next; stay and wait or end the relationship.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 4

RE: When to move on - 10/5/2007 5:13:32 PM

wewantaslave

Posts: 32
Status: offline

Each long term relationships has its ups and downs. I am sure she would miss you if you left. Not because of the chores but because she depends on you. I would stick it out and be there for her. Sometimes life gets really hectic and you have to ease back into certain habits or pleasures. Maybe if you let her have the space and tried to do activities that were more directly around and with her, she would have that bond with you again. Baby steps. :)

(in reply to SayaNereida)

Post #: 5

RE: When to move on - 10/5/2007 7:26:34 PM

HottLicks

Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline

Think of where you want to be in a year. If you want and need more attention and nothing is going to change in the amount of submissive's she is involved with, even with more attention to you at times when you ask for more, are you going to get what you want and need?

Sometimes it is a matter of life being hectic and other times it is a matter of needs being different and those things can change day by day. Define what you want and need and examine things to see if you really fit one another with life included.

Good luck!

(in reply to wewantaslave)

Post #: 6

RE: When to move on - 10/5/2007 8:55:07 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

i would make time and sit down with here, just the two of you, to talk about what your feeling and to see what she's feeling. Maybe she has too much on her plate and is having a hard time juggling everyone plus whatever might be going on with her.
Good luck

(in reply to Kitte9)

Post #: 7

RE: When to move on - 10/5/2007 9:24:09 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

Move on - you're being used

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Post #: 8

RE: When to move on - 10/5/2007 9:59:15 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Only you know the answer to this question. It sounds as though you are unhappy though.
Good luck!
l

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 9

RE: When to move on - 10/6/2007 3:20:11 AM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

Are you even getting the companionship while you are doing chores for her? I'd talk to her and remind her that quality is better than quantity. Perhaps she just has too many irons in the fire. But if this was how she presented herself and you were hoping to change her....? Yes you need to talk to her to re-evaluate where you are and what your goals are for the relationship as well as hers. They may be radically different, unfortunately.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to Kitte9)

Post #: 10

RE: When to move on - 10/6/2007 10:49:35 AM

youngsubgeoff

Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Move on - you're being used

Agreed

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 11

RE: When to move on - 10/6/2007 10:51:48 AM

Sexynmentalinkc

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Move on - you're being used

Agreed

/seconds-this

A good bit of advice I picked up somewhere:

Never make anyone a priority when all you are to them is an option.

*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

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"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 12

RE: When to move on - 10/6/2007 10:55:36 AM

Alyoop

Posts: 138
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Never make anyone a priority when all you are to them is an option.

Amen to that!

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Alyoop

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
~ Mignon McLaughlin

(in reply to Sexynmentalinkc)

Post #: 13

RE: When to move on - 10/6/2007 11:50:53 AM

youngsubgeoff

Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alyoop

quote:

Never make anyone a priority when all you are to them is an option.

Amen to that!

damn straight!

(in reply to Alyoop)

Post #: 14

RE: When to move on - 10/7/2007 1:58:14 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Move on - you're being used

I'm not going to say it for sure but i believe velvet is right.....the whole story sounds so familiar in so many ways that in the end even if more promises are made, nothing will change for the better anyways.

I wish you the best

~meticulous~

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 15

RE: When to move on - 10/7/2007 8:58:17 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Communicate!...if behavior set continues, and you are unhappy, then you may have your answer..a fav saying of mine is.."when you truly know, enough, is actually, enough"....best/Tempting

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You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 16

RE: When to move on - 10/7/2007 10:56:51 PM

secretagentgirl

Posts: 70
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

I remember years ago discussing with a friend how my then-boyfriend couldn't find the time for me and going through the whole "maybe he's busy, maybe he doesn't want to appear too interested, blah blah blah."

Usually girlfriends will help you rationalize these things, but this particular friend said to me "If he wanted to be with you, he would."

Ugh. She was right. I have remembered that line for years.
It appears that your instincts are telling you something. Listen to them.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 17

RE: When to move on - 10/8/2007 12:05:44 AM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

I though I'd chime in and add to that idea about instincts.

I was dating someone for a few months, and after a vacatin he took to go visit family, where he assured me we would talk every day while he was gone, and we didn't, I told a friend that my instincts told me there was something else going on. For another month I went back and forth between believing something wasn't right and listening to everyone tell me I was being paranoid. At one point, I actually found what was to me incriminating evidence at his house and still my friends told me I was being paranoid.

After a month, he broke up with me. Gave me what seemed like a reaonable explanation. Two weeks later, I had that gut instinct that something wasn't right, and discovered that my instincts had been right all along. I've walked away from that experience with the resolve to listen to my instincts. Usually, they are pretty good indicators of where we should and shouldn't be.

If you're unhappy, at the end of the day you're responsible for resolving your own unhappiness.

(in reply to secretagentgirl)

Post #: 18

RE: When to move on - 10/8/2007 12:11:10 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Can I just ask, are you with this Domme because you want to serve her and her alone, you want to submit to her, or because you think you deserve something in return for doing things for her?

That sounds more like bargaining than submission.

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Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 19

RE: When to move on - 10/8/2007 12:17:26 AM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

I would think it's time to move on... Not because you're being used physically (I'm absolutely ok with that part), but because there isn't enough reciprocal anything (presence/sex/emotional attachment) to keep you satisfied in the relationship. While it is her prerogative to use you the submissive as she desires, I can't imagine it being enough for you given what you express you need/want, and what she is offering.
Good luck, M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to Kitte9)

Post #: 20

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