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Profile advice - 10/5/2007 4:49:50 PM   
solvr70


Posts: 425
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		good evening m'Ladys.

i noticed a post from a person, a while ago, asking for input on his profile.i've always been a bit worried about being slammed (ok, i'm a bit paranoid). but, nothing ventured, nothing gained..

 i would be very interested in Your thoughts, input, suggestions,etc. on my profile. i've done my best to be open, honest, complete without being long-winded and am always very open to how Others perceive it as coming across. it is difficult to step outside myself and realize how it might be perceived by Others.

i'd be honored with any comments. good comments as a booster, as well as other suggestions for improvements, etc.

and be well All!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Profile advice - 10/5/2007 5:19:01 PM   
HottLicks


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline
Please understand that I am speaking only for myself. I looked at your profile. Had someone emailed me and I read this, I would send a thanks, but no thanks response. Because of personal experiences with many focused on sex, I tend to get right to the nitty gritty and don’t even want to waste my time weeding out those who are only into the sexual kicks they can get or who just seem to be. Nothing wrong with sexual kicks, but I am interested in more than sexual kicks and anyone only interested in that is a waste of time to both of us.

So someone who doesn’t tell me about himself or what he wants and just tells me of a sexual experience would be filed in my wanker file. Yes, you are telling what you want in a sexual sense, but don’t say much in any other sense.

I view a submissive male who approaches me in a sexual manner as a problem I wouldn’t want to have for a number of reasons. First as I mentioned, the sexual focus and then in training one who may tend to try to top or manipulate to get his sexual kicks. I don’t have time nor the desire for such.

Now with that said, please understand that I am not summing you up as such. You have left yourself open for a lot of comments and no matter what your intent is {I will not assume} you want and need real answers. I personally don’t want to slam dunk you! Not at all. You may just need to know how some view things and this would be my response. Having said things that seem critical, I wish to add something more positive.

Maybe one way you could go is to tell some things about yourself and what you seek in a mistress and then tell your story of how you evolved. That I would have no problem with and might enjoy very much. Sometimes it isn’t what we say, but how we say it that matters. Personally, I think you are most likely a very nice guy who might be setting himself up for some thinking as I first did and you just need to put a bit more out there about who you are and who you want.

Good luck to you!

(in reply to solvr70)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Profile advice - 10/5/2007 6:10:43 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		nothing about your profile would ever interest me....I know this because I couldn't get through the first paragraph without saying "wanker" and then moved on.  so there you go.  You asked, that's my honest opinion of your profile.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to HottLicks)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Profile advice - 10/5/2007 6:33:01 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		I have to agree with the two above.  If I received an email from or came across is while browsing that profile I would chalk them up to being a wanker and ignore (and possibly block) them.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Profile advice - 10/5/2007 7:34:28 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah, that really screams "do-me sub". I wouldn't go for that at all. You even say that your GF lost interest in your activities and imply that the two of you broke up, but you say you aren't sure why that happened. This leads me to believe that you became so focused on your new found fetishes that you didn't focus on her. That isn't a good thing. You need to do two things:

1. Decide if you are really looking for a Domme and if you are really submissive. If you are, then you must learn that your fetishes are of no interest to a prospective Domme. Her interests, needs and fetishes are all that should concern you. You need to radically alter your perception of the D/s dynamic.

2. You need to rewrite your profile. You profile should include information about you other than sex/BDSM interests. Perhaps a final, brief paragraph listing your experience and interests is appropriate, but the majority of it should be non-kink related.

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Profile advice - 10/5/2007 7:49:58 PM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		I can clearly see what you want done to you.  Have no idea whatsoever how you think you can make my life easier or better by having you  in it.

_____________________________

4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions.

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(in reply to solvr70)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Profile advice - 10/5/2007 7:55:57 PM   
CandyLover


Posts: 68
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline 		Talking about your ex is one of the easiest ways to get rid of a woman.

(in reply to solvr70)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Profile advice - 10/5/2007 7:56:50 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		Your profile reads like porn.  While this might seem like the way to go, it's an absolute turn-off for me.  A stranger has just wanked off before me and that is too, too, too intimate.  You talk about your fetishes and what you desire, but ... what about your narrative would draw someone in? 

The first words in my profile are "D/s begins with everything outside of D/s."  Who are you as a person?  What makes you tick?   For me, but I suspect for many others as well, you have to offer more than your grunting desires.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to solvr70)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Profile advice - 10/5/2007 9:58:54 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HottLicks


Please understand that I am speaking only for myself. I looked at your profile. Had someone emailed me and I read this, I would send a thanks, but no thanks response. Because of personal experiences with many focused on sex, I tend to get right to the nitty gritty and don’t even want to waste my time weeding out those who are only into the sexual kicks they can get or who just seem to be. Nothing wrong with sexual kicks, but I am interested in more than sexual kicks and anyone only interested in that is a waste of time to both of us.


I will second that.  I would automatically put mail from this profile on block/ignore, because people who are here to focus exclusively on sex are mostly selfish, rude and and boring as hell to talk to.  I don't CARE what somebody likes in bed if they are so impatient to get right to the sex that they're not even interested in talking like a normal person first. Actually getting to know someone before hauling out a detailed sexual laundry list is important to me, so people who think that waving their wang in my face is the equivalent of a polite introduction generally get the door slammed on it. 

There are ways to convey your orientation and interests without being totally sex-focused to the point of really turning off anyone who actually likes getting to know their partners as people before having sex with them. 


(in reply to HottLicks)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Profile advice - 10/6/2007 12:06:37 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		There is a lot more to D/s or M/s than being a bottom in the bedroom.  And your profile reads, quite simply, as nothing more than an offer to hook up with any attractive female who will do it your way.  You would also be wise to realize that most of us would have no interest in your graphic descriptions of how much you loved it and how many times she had an orgasm.  *Shrug*  I was turned off.
D/s and M./s refers to the total relationship dynamic.  BDSM refers to the fun activities that are usually a part (a small part, I might caution) of that entire relationahip.  As a submissive you would not and should not dictate what is going to happen, how it is going  to happen and/or when it is going to happen. 
For the moment, I would say that you are a sexual bottom, not a submissive.  Nothing wrong with that, but if you think you might be looking for a relationship with actual FemDom, then you need to stick around these boards, and do some reading.  I see tha tyou have quite a number of posts to your credit thus far, so I am surprised that you haven't figured some of this out on your own already.  You should also try to get out to some local events and munches.  There is alot you can do to educate yourself, and I think that needs to be your next step.  When you are confident regarding what it is you want, then you will stand a better chance of presenting yourself honestly and finding it.  If that is just bedroom antics, then at least you won't be searching under the wrong assumption.   
The crux of this lifestyle is not the play.  It is the submission.  When  you learn that, you will figure out better where you fit in, and how to find what you want. 

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 10/6/2007 12:10:07 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to solvr70)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Profile advice - 10/6/2007 2:38:49 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		One thing I noticed was the lack of a mention to your current vanilla girlfriend, which is a bit misleading on your part.  I think it's better to be up front about such things. 

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Profile advice - 10/6/2007 8:31:55 AM   
MzticStormz


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		solvr70,
Your profile is all about you and your ex. Perhaps you should start out by telling others what is good about you.. right now I have to agree with the other posters in that it comes off as a wanker, wannabe, I would normally delete anything I recieved from you. This is not meant to be a slam or a flame, just my view of it.

Here is a thread that should be IMO required reading for every sub trying to figure out what to put on his profile.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1098733/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1099826 

Be well,
Mz Stormz

< Message edited by MzticStormz -- 10/6/2007 8:37:00 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Profile advice - 10/6/2007 8:53:49 AM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		You've been given a lot of good advice here. Do you plan on taking it by altering your profile? 

(in reply to solvr70)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Profile advice - 10/6/2007 9:22:09 AM   
solvr70


Posts: 425
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		many thanks for the feedback from E/everyone!

some tough to read, but was all well thought through and true.

it does seem like a major rewrite is in order.

(in reply to LaMistressa)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Profile advice - 10/6/2007 9:53:46 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

One thing I noticed was the lack of a mention to your current vanilla girlfriend, which is a bit misleading on your part.  I think it's better to be up front about such things. 



Doh!

You've got a double foul there if you were hoping to use that profile to attract a Domme - having a profile that is so sexually explicit AND not mentioning the vanilla girlfriend and how that factors into your search.

The problem is by behaving as if you have no interest in this beyond getting off is that you in turn insult the Domme by implying that the only thing she's interested in is getting you off.   Blah. 

On the other hand, if that profile is an accurate assessment of all you are looking for in all of this - leave it.   You won't get a positive response from a lifestyle Domme to it, but perhaps it's a really honest snapshot of yourself.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 10/6/2007 10:01:16 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Profile advice - 10/6/2007 10:13:07 AM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		I read the first paragraph. 
First of all, I detest braggerts!   Second, no one wants to hear about your sexual exploits - period!


_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 16
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