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Joined a fetish club/ need advice on public play senarios - 10/6/2007 9:00:50 AM

ededwards

Posts: 51
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

As a new member of the D/s BDSM lifestyle I have joined a local private fetish club recently. It feels safer to be in a public arena for play at this time. As I am exploring my interests what kind of scenes could I suggest to a D that happens to come along and express interest. I guess id like to keep it simple at first but not come off as to much or a prude. Any suggestions?

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RE: Joined a fetish club/ need advice on public play se... - 10/6/2007 12:08:44 PM

softpjOS

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

Might I suggest attending a few events, sitting back quietly observing some scenes and getting a better idea of what interests you before making a list of scene ideas?

Having not personally attended this clubs functions I can't say how they go about things but, I would think anyone interested in playing with you would have a discussion of your interests, limits and expectations of any scene as well as their ideas.

If a Domme approaches you and you start giving Her a laundry list of what YOU think should happen... umm yea... bad idea. Instead take the time to talk, discuss and then decide what scene would work for BOTH of you.

Watch, learn and communicate what you find interesting. Easy enough eh? :)

pj

(in reply to ededwards)

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RE: Joined a fetish club/ need advice on public play se... - 10/6/2007 1:16:41 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Have you ever played before? If you haven't, besides the very sensible advice of watching and listening, approach the organizers of the group and ask them for an introduction to someone who likes playing with newbies. You can discuss some possibilities with that person, and go from there.

It seems to me that we (speaking editorially, now) have really changed in how we treat initial scenes, post-internet. I see a lot of rushing on the part of tops in terms of instantly tying someone to a cross, blindfolding them, etc, when really bondage and sensory deprivation are pretty advanced activities, for someone who has never gotten a smack on the ass as an adult! If you see something that you would like to try, make a note of it, but also if something seems uncomfortable to you, or just a bad idea for you, speak up. I think it's best to add new things slowly.

Regarding "someone taking an interest", this is a tricky area. Speaking as a female dominant, I can tell you that there are all sorts of wankers out there who want a piece of us. There are also pleasant, friendly players who just aren't so sure how to ask a stranger to play. (This is another post-internet change....) Don't just stare, furtively or blatantly. Smile pretty, ask around for who is who, and who is available. Don't approach a top just as she is wrapping up a scene, wait for her to chill out and relax, and approach with a complimentary remark.

I think it's important to not be put off, either. I have met many couples in the scene who play exclusively with each other. To me, this is a big loss to the rest of us! :) Also, you might not be what that top is interested in playing with, for whatever reason. Try not to be discouraged by a No, thanks.

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RE: Joined a fetish club/ need advice on public play se... - 10/6/2007 6:10:13 PM

flowspen

Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline

When i first joined our club i just watched at first and attended the demonstrations, soon people started talking to us, asking questions and we asked questions as well. When the first Mistress approached about play she asked me about limits, asked me about experience and then we simply discussed her ideas as to what she wanted to do. of course i said yes to them all without really knowing what all of it was. but the point is we discussed it first and soon i learned how to discuss things and how to say no i dont like this but am will to do that.. ect. it is the communication, knowing yourself and just being honest when they ask.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

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RE: Joined a fetish club/ need advice on public play se... - 10/6/2007 7:35:26 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Yes, that just being honest part is VITAL, not just for your current scene, but for your future reputation. It's okay to say that you haven't done something, and even MORE okay to not ask for more than you have or want to experience.

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RE: Joined a fetish club/ need advice on public play se... - 10/7/2007 2:12:03 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

If you want, flirt with the person in an ordinary and polite fashion. Then suggest playing together, if the flirting seems to go well. As for scenes you could suggest, I'd advise you to think about activities you enjoy rather than self-contained scenes. Remember that the scene will involve at least one other person, who will have desires and limits of his or her own, and together you'll compose a scene that fits you BOTH reasonably well. So, instead of saying "First, I'd like to give some foot massage, then, I'd like you to spank me, then I'd like to change bondage positions and receive some genitorture," say "I enjoy massaging feet, receiving spankings and genitorture, and being bound." If something only works after or before some other activity, you can say so--for example, I've known some people to say that they love doing service like massage, but are really awful at if AFTER they've received significant pain, while others say that they love giving massages as the sort of endpoint of a scene.

(in reply to ededwards)

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RE: Joined a fetish club/ need advice on public play se... - 10/7/2007 7:21:38 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ededwards

As a new member of the D/s BDSM lifestyle I have joined a local private fetish club recently. It feels safer to be in a public arena for play at this time. As I am exploring my interests what kind of scenes could I suggest to a D that happens to come along and express interest. I guess id like to keep it simple at first but not come off as to much or a prude. Any suggestions?

My general advice is to not suggest scenes but instead just talk to a potential dominant and let her lead the way. If she asks you what you are into, mentions activities or dynamics but don't make them seem like scenes. A lot of tops and doms want, even need to be the one who makes the decisions about a scene.

If you instead offer a wide range of interests you allow her to then create a scene that will likely be interesting for both of you. It is unlikely that your list of desires and interests will completely over lap. She should know what her interests and desires are, when she hears yours she can determine two things. First, is there enough overlap to make a scene possible. Second, which things should/could she try first, in what order and combination.

I think you may find that your feeling of submission is deeper when you give over your interests in this fashion and are open to what she can create.

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TammyJo

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to ededwards)

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