Serious Long Distance? (Full Version)

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xoxi -> Serious Long Distance? (10/6/2007 5:03:28 PM)

I'm wondering if any of you have ever experienced a relationship that started out with serious distance barriers (another country at minimum, or even another continent) that you had to work through?

Obviously changing citizenship is a bit different than just moving cross-country, so that's more of what I'm asking here.  Any success stories?  How did you make it work?  And for the failures...what happened? What would you have done differently?

Thank you all in advance  [:)]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/6/2007 5:06:57 PM)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_688989/mpage_3/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#689642
LDRs and you

http://www.collarchat.com/m_555442/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#555476
How do you cope?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_399208/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#399230
Long distance relationships...how do you all make them work and overcome the obstacles that arise?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_358232/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#358330
When the Master is away

http://www.collarchat.com/m_243191/mpage_2/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#243396
Online or Distance relationships

http://www.collarchat.com/m_5502/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#207957
Long Distance Relationships

http://www.collarchat.com/m_214831/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#214831
Long distance d/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_210165/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#210165
Pleasing my master long distance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_131170/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#131170
In Between Visits

http://www.collarchat.com/m_124826/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#124826
LDR and sickness or death

http://www.collarchat.com/m_89834/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#89834
Long distance punishment ideas

http://www.collarchat.com/m_22973/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#22973
Long Distance Relationship (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_5502/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#5502
Long Distance Relationships (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3521/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#3521
Long Distance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_272610/mpage_1/key_LDR/tm.htm#272610
LDR D/s ideas

http://www.collarchat.com/m_108560/mpage_1/key_LDR/tm.htm#108560
Long Distance Relationships????



xoxi -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/6/2007 5:15:39 PM)

Are you recommending I resurrect a thread from 2005 or 2006 in order to re-open the discussion?



submittous -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/6/2007 5:18:57 PM)

Since you are not getting much response after a couple of hours we'll share a little even if we are not exactly in the situation you seem to be describing. We are an American Dom/me couple living in Mexico now. We have an ex-slave that is working to rejoin us here. There is no need to change citizenship, but there is a need for passports, FM-2 or 3 Visas and rather complicated proceedures for importing personal property without paying high duty. It takes a LOT of time and effort and at least here in Mexico a lot of patience plus a sense of humor.

We have had our share of failures in the last 5 years and are months away from a real success story. We find it very hard to connect with submissives because of our location, we think it scares a lot of people away, which continues to amaze us because living here is easier and nicer in our experience.

Wish we could be more helpful.

Good luck

Bill and Iris



xoxi -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/6/2007 5:25:59 PM)

Thank you so much for your response :)  I'm just now getting into a long distance type situation (I'm in the states, he's in Australia) and it's something I have NO experience with.  I don't even have a passport much less know how to get a visa...and how to change the types of visas if I decide to stay...and need to get a job...and all that.

Not to mention about 2k for a flight sooo it's not like we can just pop over and visit every other weekend!



MaamJay -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/6/2007 6:42:42 PM)

xoxi I'm sorry I can't help with practical info about visas etc. But I can encourage you to come to Oz, it's great! I've never regretted My family moving here from UK when I was 11. Whereabouts in Oz is your Man?

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



kyraofMists -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/6/2007 6:59:24 PM)

Well, South Florida to Northern Alberta.  I think that may qualify as serious long distance.  *ss*  We are practically on the other side of the continent.

One of the ways that we make it work is by doing things together as if we were actually in the same room.  We love movies so we watch a lot of them together.  In fact, we are getting ready to start one now and the little ones are getting impatient to start.

I have applied for Canadian residency and it took time to gather all the paperwork and save the funds for it.  Once the application is in it takes anywhere from 18 months to several years to get approved.  My application is rather simple and we hope to hear soon that I have been approved.

The one thing that I think is important for long distance is having the ability to spend face to face time together.  Travel can be quite expensive.

Knight's Kyra



tasha_tart -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/6/2007 7:16:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

One of the ways that we make it work is by doing things together as if we were actually in the same room.  We love movies so we watch a lot of them together.  In fact, we are getting ready to start one now and the little ones are getting impatient to start.

~~snip~~

The one thing that I think is important for long distance is having the ability to spend face to face time together.  Travel can be quite expensive.

Knight's Kyra


I'm in a BC-Ontario LDR for the last year, and it is difficult.  Thank goodness for Vonage!
 
I've never thought of the movie idea.  That sounds like a great way of connecting.  Thank you!
 
Good luck; I hope the bureaucats don't hold you up too much.
 
Tasha



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/6/2007 7:31:49 PM)

I'm recommending that you read and gain from the hundreds of people gone before you.  You'll get a lot more from those combined with this thread than you will the one or two days as just this particular thread gains responses from perhaps a dozen or so people who just happen to be logging on and responding at that time. 



OrrisKitten -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/6/2007 8:55:35 PM)

Right now I am going through a long distance relationship and the slow process of someone immigrating to NY from Iceland (To be fair, my dom does have an advantage having studied here for 2 years and getting a masters from an NY school). We managed to spend the summer together, living together and figuring out if we could handle being with each other in a long term setting to see if it was even worth it for him to immigrate here. Its one thing to spend a vacation together and another to live your life together, including work, family and other types of factors that have the potential to cause stress. I would reccommend this to anyone, if it is at all possible. I will not bash online relationships, but there are a lot of things about a person you may not learn online that have the potential to annoy you- for example if you have a pet peeve about the way things are (I've heard little ones like the direction of toilet paper being enough of a pet peeve to make someone burst!). So after 2 and 1/2 months living together and a while being together in general we decided it would be worth it, well, more than worth it and we are now engaged.

We have learned that skype is an amazing thing and text messaging is wonderful (even if a little expensive) and that with determination, as many visits as possible, and talking everyday (for free on skype, which if we didn't have would make life much harder) that things are dealable.

I wish you luck and hope you find a situation that works best for you! :)



KnightofMists -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/6/2007 9:09:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm recommending that you read and gain from the hundreds of people gone before you.  You'll get a lot more from those combined with this thread than you will the one or two days as just this particular thread gains responses from perhaps a dozen or so people who just happen to be logging on and responding at that time. 


All I can say is... Ditto...



AAkasha -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/6/2007 9:38:40 PM)

I'm in the US and he was in Canada.  We had a long distance fling for a couple of years that got serious once we met, and  he came out here to stay awhile on a tourist visa (6 months max), figure out a job situation, decide if he could live here.  Once we figured out what drama we had to face with him getting a work visa, or getting a fiance visa, we talked to an immigration attorney and realized the most logicial thing to do was just get married and immigrate him that way.  So we did while he was on the tourist visa, and still had an attorney help with the paperwork, which was a headache.
Akasha



kyraofMists -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/7/2007 8:12:40 AM)

One of the most challenging aspects of having this long distance relationship is the time difference.  justheather/dollylima made a comment in a post a long time ago that the rhythms of your lives are off.  That comment stayed with me because it so accurately described what was so difficult about the time difference. 

It used to be worse when he worked nights.  With his new position it is a little easier.  He has to get up earlier so it is very close to the same time that I get up.  He teases me that I am like a little kid not wanting to go to sleep and it is true.  But everything is off; all the little things that people who are face to face take for granted, but work to cement you as a couple.

On the other hand when I move in next year, I will have a deep appreciation for being able to go to bed at the same time, eat together, watch TV together, etc.

Knight's Kyra



xoxi -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/7/2007 8:59:15 AM)

Thank you for all the responses :)

I have started reading those other threads, sorry if I seemed snappy I just saw a reply of links and nothing else and took it to mean "thats a stupid question it's already been asked to death so why are you even bothering asking" but I still wanted to reopen the discussion because personal advice always seems more speshul [8D]

MaamJay - he is in Sydney.  What's it like there?

Also...I can not imagine waiting a year or two, committed to someone who I can't be with physically, before I can even kiss that person.  I wouldn't even know what I was committing to!

Would it be so bad just to jump right in and fly over...I mean the worst that can happen is I'll end up moving home.  Or even staying in a new country...I've been wanting to leave the States for awhile now [8D]

*ducks and prepares for the barrage of 'omg you are dumb' flames*



HisCompletely -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/7/2007 9:15:40 AM)

I am waiting for the same answer.....................you are not dumb, just see if you get any replies, and read those links.



kyraofMists -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/7/2007 9:16:17 AM)

A quick google search on Australia and Immigration gave me this link to the Department of Immigration

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Also...I can not imagine waiting a year or two, committed to someone who I can't be with physically, before I can even kiss that person.  I wouldn't even know what I was committing to!

Would it be so bad just to jump right in and fly over...I mean the worst that can happen is I'll end up moving home.  Or even staying in a new country...I've been wanting to leave the States for awhile now [8D]


I think there is nothing wrong with flying over for a visit; however I think it is very unwise to move there without following the proper procedures for immigration.  I know that Canada has refused to even admit people into their country that didn't have a date and means to leave the country within a set amount of time.  Since submitting my application for permanent residency, I have been under much more scrutiny when I try to visit the country.  They want to make very sure that I am not trying to move there before I actually have governmental permission. 

If you are serious about having a long term relationship with this person, why would you want to move there and then live with the threat of deportation and not having the ability to live there legally?

*edited to add... If you do visit, be prepared to face more detailed questioning on why you are there since you have met over the internet.  I wouldn't recommend lying about how you met either.  There have been a couple of times that I was pulled aside for more extensive questioning becausee we met on the internet.  My luggage and computer have been searched and they have even called him to make sure that my story was accurate. 

Knight's Kyra



Maya2001 -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/7/2007 12:23:16 PM)

If you are considering you better be making sure you have the money for a return flight ticket as well and a place to stay once back , because as a visitor you can not legally work there, also understand the average income in Australia is far far less than in the US.  Even if you do legally move there and get a work permit  and things go wrong, think how long you would have to work at 10 to 16K  per annum job and save and still pay living expense/taxes  before you could ever afford to come back to the US to live  or  even be able to afford to visit.
How long have you been chatting with this person ? From comments you made on other posts I would think this is a very new contact,.   with anyone that is a long distance away you better be damn sure you get to know them well  before moving out there.

I am willing to consider long distance relationship but I have made it clear that it is going to be up to them to come meet with me, they will have to stay at a motel for the first visit not in my home. I  personally will not relocate  as  I have grandchildren here that I want to see grow up  and  a job  that I hope to retire from with a full pension , income security to me is very important to protect me in the event the relationship does not work out as planned .  So I make that clear with anyone that is interested and they also will have to have the means to support themselves.  By laying my cards on the table in the initial conversation I avoid a lot of time wasting, they also know I am not just a compliant set of 3 holes to be used that I place value in myself, I am not someone who is desperate to run to just anyone and if they want me to one day  submit to them,  they have to then prove they are worthy of that gift by making the  lions  share of the effort.  and I will know if things work out that I will be highly valued and treasured by the effort they have put into the relationship inorder to make it work.    And though my terms may not appeal to many doms, it does not mean that all feel the same [;)]  If I was willing to relocate I would still expect the dom to make a couple visits to me first before ever considering a permanent move to them, I would want to get know them in person first and a 2 year get to know would be reasonable.. 


If you just jump in and fly over --
what are you telling the person about yourself?   It may be they will view you as weak, desperate and that you seeing yourself as having  low self esteem and value, and as such be fine easy pickings for someone that wants a person they can use and abuse till they get bored and when that time comes they may decide to sell you to someone else, and I guarantee you  online they would not tell you that is they way they feel about you intead they would tell you what you want to hear  to coax you into going over with a little expense or trouble to themselves,    asian human trade does exist in that part of the world just so you know --- so I would suggest being damn sure of what you are getting into  before just jumping in. 

I don't know you but am very concerned for you when reading this particular post
I have made a serious mistake by rushing into things in a time of weakness and vunerability , and I paid heavily as a result and it took years to recover from, would   hate to see you do the same. 




Nerdzilla -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/7/2007 12:54:24 PM)

quote:

Also...I can not imagine waiting a year or two, committed to someone who I can't be with physically, before I can even kiss that person.  I wouldn't even know what I was committing to!

Would it be so bad just to jump right in and fly over...I mean the worst that can happen is I'll end up moving home.  Or even staying in a new country...I've been wanting to leave the States for awhile now [8D]


I'm in that position - I'm in a commited relationship with my pet (to whom I just got engaged). I live in the UK, she's in the USA. It's going to be years until we're together on a full-time basis.

And the worse that could happen if I jumped on a plane and moved there permanently isn't that I'd be moving home - the worst is if I am deported and hence can never get back into the same country as her again. This is why visiting to find out if you are compatible, and then doing ALL the right paperwork is the way to a committed LDR.

It can, and has worked for people - it is working for me and mine. It's not for everyone, because it is very difficult and brings its own stresses and strains - you have to know that your other half is worth it and be dedicated to them.

Don't leap in because if it does work out for you, you may be sabotaging your relationship before it even starts.



kyraofMists -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/7/2007 1:04:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tasha_tart
I'm in a BC-Ontario LDR for the last year, and it is difficult.  Thank goodness for Vonage!
 
I've never thought of the movie idea.  That sounds like a great way of connecting.  Thank you!
 
Good luck; I hope the bureaucats don't hold you up too much.
 
Tasha



Hi Tasha,

I love my vonage; especially the virtual number and the simultaneous ring.  He can call an Edmonton number and it will ring at my house, work and cell phone at the same time.  No matter where he or I are; he can get in touch with me when he wants to.

Watching movies is a lot of fun, though it takes a little planning to make sure we can get the same one.  I also spend time reading to him and them most weekends we have web cams on while we go about our daily chores.  Anyone in his house can just stop by and chat with me when they feel like; it is a great way to stay in touch and feel connected to what is going on there.

The process has been much quicker than either of us thought.  The stage we are at now, we didn't expect to be until spring of next year.  I think we will have a very nice Christmas surprise and then will come the tedious task of getting all my stuff ready to move.

Thank you for the good wishes and I hope things go well for you too.

Knight's Kyra



AAkasha -> RE: Serious Long Distance? (10/7/2007 1:23:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

A quick google search on Australia and Immigration gave me this link to the Department of Immigration

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Also...I can not imagine waiting a year or two, committed to someone who I can't be with physically, before I can even kiss that person.  I wouldn't even know what I was committing to!

Would it be so bad just to jump right in and fly over...I mean the worst that can happen is I'll end up moving home.  Or even staying in a new country...I've been wanting to leave the States for awhile now [8D]


I think there is nothing wrong with flying over for a visit; however I think it is very unwise to move there without following the proper procedures for immigration.  I know that Canada has refused to even admit people into their country that didn't have a date and means to leave the country within a set amount of time.  Since submitting my application for permanent residency, I have been under much more scrutiny when I try to visit the country.  They want to make very sure that I am not trying to move there before I actually have governmental permission. 

If you are serious about having a long term relationship with this person, why would you want to move there and then live with the threat of deportation and not having the ability to live there legally?

*edited to add... If you do visit, be prepared to face more detailed questioning on why you are there since you have met over the internet.  I wouldn't recommend lying about how you met either.  There have been a couple of times that I was pulled aside for more extensive questioning becausee we met on the internet.  My luggage and computer have been searched and they have even called him to make sure that my story was accurate. 

Knight's Kyra


Yes, this is what pissed me off about the entire immigration thing.  I went to Canada to briefly meet him, and I got semi grilled by immigration about who I was meeting there and what my romantic interests were, and whether I intended to stay. I said no, I just was meeting someone but had no intentions of staying in Canada.

When he came to the US, he got the same grilling of questions. He was scheduled to stay here about a week.  We knew already we were going to get married, but I wanted a lengthy engagement.  We began talking to an immigration attorney about what we needed to do.  We decided he would go back to Canada, collect some things, say goodbye to his friends and family and return to get a job via a work sponsor or whatever it required.  Our attorney told us he was taking a huge risk returning to Canada, turning around, and then coming back with any amount of "stuff" - even the short turaround would be suspicious.  He would be asked if he had romantic intentions and intended to stay, and why the quick trip, why the need to get more stuff.  If he lied to immigration, he could be forced to leave and not allowed back in for something like 10 years.   We were told he had to go back to Canada to file for necessary visas, work permits, or a fiance visa and wait - all the options were totally unreasonable and required paperwork, possible denials, and ridiculous time periods that we could not see each other.  Further, because he did not have a degree specialization considered "in need" in the USA, we'd have to go through a lengthy sponsor/work VISA process that required proof that the job could not be filled by a US citizen.  Every single option pointed to a lot of waiting, paperwork, and the inability to see each other in the meantime.  This was a depressing wake up call, because I had thought Canada - to - USA immigration should be a snap - he was a good citizen, had a university degree, and wasn't coming here to freeload. 

Our least painful option was to just get married while he was here under the tourist visa, which rushed it and didn't allow a long engagement, but we pretty much knew about 5 hours after we met in person that we were going to get married. We ended up having a more formal wedding a year later, but our actual marriage was done in court with just a few people present less than three months after we met face to face.

Akasha



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