Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt

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Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt - 10/7/2007 9:17:14 AM

pageturned

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I’m submissive. Not to everyone. Ladies. Not every lady. It takes a mix of intellect, charme, personality, sense of humor, look (let’s be sincere …), mind connection, and that elusive ingredient called chemistry, magic, . I’m attracted by shoes. Not any shoe. Type, color, heel. Not as an object in itself. I may like them as an object. But I’m attracted if they’re the shoes of the lady I feel submissive to. Am I a fetishist, a submissive, a fetishist submissive? Are labels that relevant? Being submissive is not my only feature as a person, loving shoes is not my only interest as a submissive. But I’d like to focus on this, as I feel uneasy at times about it. The problem is this: why do I feel like being a worse submissive if I’m attracted by shoes? I’ve spent years fighting my catholic guilt for having submissive feelings. I’ve spent the same years fighting the same guilt for having some fetishes. And then, in a D/s setting, I hear something like: “A shoe fetishist? Yikes! …You’re not a real submissive, you’re focused on a object. Repent yourself!”. Yes, I could beg for forgiveness …, but …am I inadequate just because I’d like to kiss (consensually) your shoe? Besides … it won't fade away anyway. The paths of guilt are sneaky … I can imagine some priests (are there any on here?) laughing. My question is… Does my being fetishist makes a worse submissive of myself? Are fetishism and submission not compatible? Some thoughts. Submission is different for every person. Every submissive is entitled to their own preferences, activities, interests. Then, it depends on the mutual attraction between a dominant and a submissive, their compatibility as for mind, intellect, humor, personality, timing, soul, and …shoes… It’s like a vanilla relationship, maybe? There might be different interests. If they are somehow negotiable (I don’t like the movies you like and vice-versa, but it’s not so important, as we can rent different DVDs), it’ll work anyway. If they are very important (I like to travel, I can’t do without; you want to spend your vacations at the same place every year, now we've a problem), and differ, it’s not going to work. Is it that simple? Am I missing something? Have I spent the last months unnecessarily worrying? Have I spent the last half hour writing all this and was it really that simple?

< Message edited by pageturned -- 10/7/2007 9:22:53 AM >

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RE: Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt (i.e.: submission,... - 10/7/2007 9:23:56 AM

DMFParadox

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I'm an astronaut fetishist. If the sub is an astronaut and willing to drive cross-country to kill her rivals, then I'm all hers.

Pageturned, you are going to either get flamed or ignored. Hope for the flames, because those can be fairly entertaining. But don't expect much sympathy or understanding, because most of the world has no incentive to care what your issues are.

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RE: Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt (i.e.: submission,... - 10/7/2007 9:25:38 AM

ThinkingKitten

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I'd say don't worry about it. For you, the shoes on the lady you feel submissive too are simply the icing on the cake. No cake = nothing to put the icing on. I think I can safely make the generalisation that EVERYONE has some kind of personal preference in how they like their partners to look. The preference doesn't make the partner, but it can sure enhance them....

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RE: Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt - 10/7/2007 10:21:31 AM

Cyntilating

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Pageturned

attraction is attraction. It's what gets our attention.

My eyes rarely go to the shoes of another person, thats YOUR thing not mine. My eyes go to the hands (and you might could care less about a mans hands). A well-manicured set of nails on large, strong hands will certainly get my attention. I could even go so far as to say that, given the right circumstance, I get excited by licking, sucking, kissing and adoring them...

(ya, ok too much information.... ) Why? why does it matter? it just does. Like shoes do it for you : )

Am I gonna submit to that person just because of his hands? probably not. Then comes the compatibility part. But he got my attention to find out more about him.

Whether you call it kink or fetish, it's just what is...for You.

That's some valuable energy you're spending on analyzing why...

just my opinion.

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RE: Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt - 10/7/2007 10:29:09 AM

Bobkgin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

Am I gonna submit to that person just because of his hands? probably not. Then comes the compatibility part. But he got my attention to find out more about him.

I'm glad you've cleared this up.

I've two slots left on my profile for pics: the grove of sumacs blushing red in the autumn, and/or the purple asters in bloom, and/or my dextrous digits?

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RE: Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt (i.e.: submission,... - 10/7/2007 2:04:42 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

I'm an astronaut fetishist. If the sub is an astronaut and willing to drive cross-country to kill her rivals, then I'm all hers.

haha.
OP, if it's not something you can change or want to change about yourself, I think you should embrace it. Does it make you a "worse" submissive? Of course not. There is no "true" model. We are what we are and what we are is good enough.
l

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RE: Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt - 10/7/2007 2:04:48 PM

Cyntilating

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<<cheesy grin

..ooooooooo flowers are nice tooooooo
( have eaten a couple eatable ones, can't remember lickin or sucking on any) <another cheesy grin

shiny sparkly things catch the eye as well, but that's a whole different topic.

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RE: Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt - 10/7/2007 3:02:20 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pageturned
. But I’d like to focus on this, as I feel uneasy at times about it.

Are you British?
I will check your profile...............

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RE: Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt (i.e.: submission,... - 10/7/2007 3:04:06 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

I'm an astronaut fetishist.

And I'm a....a....er......oh yeah space cadet.

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RE: Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt - 10/7/2007 3:08:22 PM

TNstepsout

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I think you have somewhat misunderstood the anti-fetishist problem. When female dominants speak of not being interested in a sub with a fetish, what they are referring to are the ones who ONLY want a Mistress so they can indulge their fetish. They don't really care about pleasing or serving a Mistress, and they don't even care all that much which Mistress is in the boots, all they care about is their fetish. Surely you can see the problem in that?

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RE: Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt - 10/7/2007 3:15:15 PM

missturbation

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But I’m attracted if they’re the shoes of the lady I feel submissive to.

With respect i don't think this is about the shoes. You state above you only like the shoes of the woman you feel submissive to. I think maybe you are hiding behind the shoes and the real issue is feeling guilty about being submissive on a whole.
Catholic or not being submissive is nothing to feel guilty about in the slightest and nor is liking shoes. I should know im a complete shoe whore

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Mind, shoes and a pinch of guilt - 10/7/2007 5:53:52 PM

Cyntilating

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

I think you have somewhat misunderstood the anti-fetishist problem. When female dominants speak of not being interested in a sub with a fetish, what they are referring to are the ones who ONLY want a Mistress so they can indulge their fetish. They don't really care about pleasing or serving a Mistress, and they don't even care all that much which Mistress is in the boots, all they care about is their fetish. Surely you can see the problem in that?

TNstepsout

( not sure if you are referencing directly to me, or to the general responses so far, but I will go ahead and reply)

yes, I can see where a Mistress who was looking for a submissive who would serve her and give her their submission, would look past someone whos only interest was in playing out their kink casually or bottoming to her.

What I read in the OP comment was
[Not any shoe. Type, color, heel. Not as an object in itself. I may like them as an object. But I’m attracted if they’re the shoes of the lady I feel submissive to. Am I a fetishist, a submissive, ]

[Being submissive is not my only feature as a person, loving shoes is not my only interest as a submissive]

This sounds to me like she is looking for a Mistress to serve who wants her submission but also accepts her kink/fetish.

If I have missed something you meant or read, please let me know. Are you saying that Mistresses will pass by a submissive who has a fetish? >or if they are interested in a certain kink, they feel they are not serious about submission??? If this is happening, I was not aware of it, and would really wonder why??

Don't we all have our own interests/kinks/fetishes of sorts ??
even within our submission to another, there are certain things that do attract us and do excite us.? It doesn't have to override our desire to please ( our submission) or keep us from serving the Dom/Domme or his/her desires...
what am I missing?

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.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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