Dom in control of sub's ad

Dom in control of sub's ad (Full Version)

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shellzbythesea -> Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 2:26:30 PM)
Okay, forgive me in advance for asking what i'm sure will appear to most to be a horrifically ignorant question... Is it "normal" for a Dom to keep control of a sub's ad when he is no longer with her? If they broke up several months ago would there be any reason (other than the fact that they must still be involved on some level) for him to keep control of her ad? Mind You, he's stating that he has no current sub and is single and searching for a sub to be his. And yes, before A/anyone says so, i know that every situation is different for every Dom/sub relationship, etc. i'm just asking for the "majority" or "norm", if You will.

mefisto69 -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 2:36:00 PM)
Unless you requested he screen new prospects, he can mind his own business and stay off your profile.

Viridana -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 2:37:32 PM)
To me, I think if a dom isn't in a relationship with a sub, he has no business and no right to control anything in the sub's life, including an ad.

GrizzlyBear -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 2:40:01 PM)
Although I have run into this before, I don't think it is the usual situation. If he is in control of the ad, he is not ready to relinquish control of the sub. IMHO that is not the same as an uninvolved Dominant helping a submissive to screen applicants for a new Dom.

shellzbythesea -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 2:46:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mefisto69 Unless you requested he screen new prospects, he can mind his own business and stay off your profile. Ooops. Sorry. i think i explained it wrong. This is a Dom that had me "under consideration" while being expressly aware of the fact that i did not want to involve myself with any Dom who was currently in a relationship with someone else (be it vanilla, D/s, a marriage or LTR, etc). So, if he knows that involving myself with a Dom who currently has a tie to another sub is a true hard limit for me, and he has stated to me that he has NO current sub and is not in a relationship of any kind, and then i find an ad (her ad) with his name on it, stating for any prospective subs to email HIM with regards to a threesome with the two of them...i realize he is a Dom and i am a sub...but this is NOT standard procedure...or is it??? Dang...sorry...i hope that wasn't too confusing the way i've written it.

laurell3 -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 3:11:54 PM)
lol either you caught him and he's not too bright, or she's a nut or the information is outdated. Ask him. l

Focus50 -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 3:14:43 PM)
If by "ad", you mean profile, then it's not difficult to fix - change the password. As for whether it's "normal", probably not but there are a lot of obsessive losers who can't take rejection. Focus.

shellzbythesea -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 3:25:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 lol either you caught him and he's not too bright, or she's a nut or the information is outdated. Ask him. l Yep...i asked him. He denied it and told me to email her for confirmation, which i eventually did. she said she was not currently involved with him, but hoped to wear his collar again someday. (hmmm...so what am i here for, exactly?) Later, an online newfound sub friend of mine advised me that the two of them had recently hit on her profile (meaning, propositioned her) and she forwarded me the emails to prove as much. When i texted him a "You two are flat busted" message (and no, this was not an online only relationship...we met here on CM first and then moved to RT)...his text back was: "LOL". Since then he has again denied they are together but admits to being in control of her ad. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Again...i gave everyone the warning ahead of time that it was a dumb question...he lied...period. Bummer. i liked him. Thanks to E/everyone who offered their opinions and/or advice. It's much appreciated. :)

laurell3 -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 3:41:46 PM)
Yeah it sounds like he did. I'm sorry. The search is frustrating and finding someone you think you have alot in common with and having them betray your trust is difficult, I know. The fact you had to play sherlock holmes and the guy was bold enough to keep his lies in someone's public ad adds to the disappointment. I've been there. Eat chocolate, take a walk, consider it "his loss"....not sure what else you can do. l

purepleasure -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 3:46:35 PM)
Be thankful that he's not in control of your ad, recognize them for who and what they are, and move on. If his "new but not his" is allowing that kind of control over her ad, it's her problem. Unfortunately she will learn the hard way.

MDTopCouple -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 3:52:41 PM)
Some subs feel comfortable (and even need) the direction/supervision/whathaveyou that a Dom can offer by screening the replies to a profile. However, your situation sounds ridiculous and I am glad you have moved on (even if you did like him). When I first met my Dom, he was VERY upfront about the fact that he was assisting his former live in slave a new "home". The fact that your guy was sneaky about it and hiding- highly suspicious.

BeingChewsie -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 4:13:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 lol either you caught him and he's not too bright, or she's a nut or the information is outdated. Ask him. l Yep...i asked him. He denied it and told me to email her for confirmation, which i eventually did. she said she was not currently involved with him, but hoped to wear his collar again someday. (hmmm...so what am i here for, exactly?) Later, an online newfound sub friend of mine advised me that the two of them had recently hit on her profile (meaning, propositioned her) and she forwarded me the emails to prove as much. When i texted him a "You two are flat busted" message (and no, this was not an online only relationship...we met here on CM first and then moved to RT)...his text back was: "LOL". Since then he has again denied they are together but admits to being in control of her ad. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Again...i gave everyone the warning ahead of time that it was a dumb question...he lied...period. Bummer. i liked him. Thanks to E/everyone who offered their opinions and/or advice. It's much appreciated. :) Let me ask you a straight up serious question: If it was a strictly conventional dating relationship and the guy did the above, what would your response be? Would you seriously need to ask is this "right"? Does it feel OK and right to you? Normal or not does it feel OK and right to you? I'd guess no or you wouldn't be posting about it. I'd cut out the drama dom without a second thought. You can do better.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 8:09:13 PM)
To the OP..if you are questioning, then something inside you is telling you to question...maybe you should simply listen ...A lot of times when people question things, its not because they do not know..it is because they want a different answer...Tempting

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 8:13:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 lol either you caught him and he's not too bright, or she's a nut or the information is outdated. Ask him. l Yep...i asked him. He denied it and told me to email her for confirmation, which i eventually did. she said she was not currently involved with him, but hoped to wear his collar again someday. (hmmm...so what am i here for, exactly?) Later, an online newfound sub friend of mine advised me that the two of them had recently hit on her profile (meaning, propositioned her) and she forwarded me the emails to prove as much. When i texted him a "You two are flat busted" message (and no, this was not an online only relationship...we met here on CM first and then moved to RT)...his text back was: "LOL". Since then he has again denied they are together but admits to being in control of her ad. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Again...i gave everyone the warning ahead of time that it was a dumb question...he lied...period. Bummer. i liked him. Thanks to E/everyone who offered their opinions and/or advice. It's much appreciated. :) LOL sounds like both of you would do well to change your passwords.

shellzbythesea -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 8:20:34 PM)
[[/quote] LOL sounds like both of you would do well to change your passwords. [/quote] Ummm...again...it's not my ad he is in control of... But i've appreciated all of your responses.

corsetgirl -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 8:56:07 PM)
I hate it when these doms misrepresent themselves as being single and when I ask them if they have a sub, they admit this to me. This tells me that they are more honest with me than with their subs. Sounds like he was trying to play the both of you and you got wise to this game. Change your password and move on to someone who would be more forthcoming. An honest dom who has a sub would be advertising as a couple seeking for a third sub. When a relationship starts off with lies, that is a trainwreck waiting to happen. I wish you well.

FangsNfeet -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 9:15:27 PM)
If my sub and I were to break up, we both have the intelligence to change all our pass words to our ads, IMs, MySpace, Debit/Bank accounts, etc.... If she was to ever be gone, there wouldn't be anything online that I could controll. She's smart like that. I wouldn't be with her in the first place if she didn't have the common sense to change her pass words. Hell, there's a good chance of her deleting the old accounts and making new ones with different pass words. Either way, I wouldn't see it as my place to controll anything of hers if she were to no longer be mine. It's best to move on rather waisting time trying to may an Ex's life Hell.

came4U -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/7/2007 9:17:02 PM)
So maybe he is using a female sub profile and she doesn't even exist at all. If it is a real girl/woman, then he is her problem and drop it. Likely it is a pair of nuts playing games or just him and he only has one nut. Avoid him, her, the drama.

Maya2001 -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/8/2007 2:04:55 AM)
Good riddance :) and good luck in your search for a new dom

RRafe -> RE: Dom in control of sub's ad (10/8/2007 4:19:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea Okay, forgive me in advance for asking what i'm sure will appear to most to be a horrifically ignorant question... Is it "normal" for a Dom to keep control of a sub's ad when he is no longer with her? If they broke up several months ago would there be any reason (other than the fact that they must still be involved on some level) for him to keep control of her ad? Mind You, he's stating that he has no current sub and is single and searching for a sub to be his. And yes, before A/anyone says so, i know that every situation is different for every Dom/sub relationship, etc. i'm just asking for the "majority" or "norm", if You will. Kill the old ad and do up another.

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