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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 2:00:10 PM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

your profile says you are looking for your " Sir" does that mean you have made your decision and this is no longer an issure ?

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To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to erebus)

Post #: 21

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 2:14:44 PM

DrightenPagen

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline

The way I see it, he has the right to decide what he wants or not.

(in reply to erebus)

Post #: 22

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 3:23:44 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

not being able to get an erection [naturally] and not being interested in sex are two totally different problems....

even without being able to get an erection naturally there are pills, and if pills aren't an option there are hands and tongues and toys and hundreds of things other to do than insert penis into oraffice...

he needs to look at himself first...you can't fix him....really...this one he has to do all on his own or with the help of a professional....you can support him, but if you try to fix him it will get nasty real fast, trust me, i've tried it, learn from my mistakes...

second...if thats all good...the top three relationship tools: communication, communication and communication...you've both got to talk and you've both got to listen...both things are integral parts of communication and if either of you does one without the other you're not communicating...

good luck
chelle

I agree. Except if this is still a new problem and he's struggling with it emotionally, forcing talking alot might make it worse for him.

I've known men whose ability to be aroused and participate in sex ends with their erection on more than one occasion. I'm not talking about indifference to a woman's needs, I mean flat out just cannot get into it. So it may or may not be reasonable to say he should participate in other activites regardless of his situation.

As life would have it, this isn't uncommon as we age. I guess you have to look at what you can do to help him and yourself and, failing all else, whether this is the best situation for you.
l

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 23

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 3:27:50 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrightenPagen

The way I see it, he has the right to decide what he wants or not.

Including the right to suffer with untreated depression? And the right to refuse to meet any of her needs? And the right to have her give up and walk because he isn't keeping up his end of the agreement. Unless he said upfront that she will never again have any sex or any play, and that she will be with an angry and depressed man who will be impossible to please, he's causing this relationship to implode.

ED isn't the problem, toys would work for her needs. His refusal to deal with his emotions and to recognize that there are two people in this relationship is the problem.

(in reply to DrightenPagen)

Post #: 24

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 3:38:51 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i guess i didn't make clear that my "plan" wasn't a 24 hour plan...it was a long term plan...weeks, months, possibly longer....

edited to add: i realize that we live in an instant gratification society but if its worth having i will wait...i just assume others will as well...

further edited to add: i suspect there is much much more to the story than we have been told, as there always is...and probably just one little detail, that will make us all go...ooooh, ummm yea...no wonder, i wouldn't be interested in sex either at this point...but its ok...its like standing in front of an open refridgerator for 15 minutes going "where the heck is the mustard" and then having someone walk up and pick it up from right in front of you....really really frustrating...

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 10/8/2007 3:42:26 PM >

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 25

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 3:39:25 PM

bbwdommelilith

Posts: 81
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline

There is a lot of difference between having ED (often physical), inhibited sexual desire, unwillingness to play, and an unwillingness to at least tryt o please his woman. He needs to find a professional to help him sort this all out, and you may need to insist- again and again and again. Never mind the fragile male ego- if you don't say anything in the interest of being "sensitive", nothing will improve anyway. One difficulty on its own might be manageable; this situation is a dealbreaker.

Lilith

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 26

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 3:43:22 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

i guess i didn't make clear that my "plan" wasn't a 24 hour plan...it was a long term plan...weeks, months, possibly longer....

edited to add: i realize that we live in an instant gratification society but if its worth having i will wait...i just assume others will as well...

further edited to add: i suspect there is much much more to the story than we have been told, as there always is...and probably just one little detail, that will make us all go...ooooh, ummm yea...no wonder, i wouldn't be interested in sex either at this point...but its ok...its like standing in front of an open refridgerator for 15 minutes going "where the heck is the mustard" and then having someone walk up and pick it up from right in front of you....really really frustrating...

oh chelle I agree with your post completely...just not sure how new this problem is, which I think makes a difference.
l

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 27

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 3:47:07 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

well...not really...if his ego is really that fragile, he should probably already be seeing a professional...in my not so humble opinion....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 28

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 3:52:06 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

not being able to get an erection [naturally] and not being interested in sex are two totally different problems....

BINGO!!!.....theres medicine for the boner...if he doesn't want the boner....two seperate issues....

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 29

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/9/2007 2:12:09 AM

glowworm

Posts: 14
Joined: 7/5/2007
Status: offline

There are other treatments besides the gel for LOW testosterone.... there is a patch and there are shots. Insurance might cover those.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 30

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/9/2007 11:51:54 AM

kimmysue

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/20/2006
Status: offline

melanie & E/everyone:

Thank Y/you for the suggestions/advice. When i refer to scening, i don't mean "just sex." On the occasions W/we have had sessions & He was able to get an erection, W/we didn't have sex right afterward. W/we both know the difference between scening & sex.

It's just hard for me because i bust my ass (pardon the pun) to be submissive to Him & for Him. i make sure that i take care of Him in the manner that He wishes to be taken care of & have bitten my tongue so many times on this very topic that i think i may have to have the end sewn back on. lol

i guess it will work itself out if it is supposed to "be."

(in reply to sextoygirlNY)

Post #: 31

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/9/2007 12:03:46 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

i guess it will work itself out if it is supposed to "be."

Holy cow.....I wouldn't go with that train of thought. Thinking like that will not get the issues taken care of.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to kimmysue)

Post #: 32

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/18/2007 10:07:03 AM

kimmysue

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/20/2006
Status: offline

Hi E/everyone.
1.) Just to let Y/you know, my Dom is VERY interested in me & O/our life together. So the "Doms/Masters" out there that have read this &/or posted that He isn't interested in me - please stop emailing me with offers from yourselves. i am very much in love with my Dom & do not wish to "be" with anyone else.

2.) W/we are taking steps to try alternative methods of hormonal therapy, as well as learning to be more affectionate with O/one A/another. W/we both realize that sex, scening, affection...etc. are all completely different & do NOT revolve around each other.

Anyway, thank Y/you all for the advice & suggestions.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 33

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/18/2007 10:20:34 AM

GhitaAmati

Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

you know there are lots of other things that can cause ED....pinched nerves, sore muscles, blood sugar issues, blood pressure issues, mental issues....hormones arent always the answer. Actually less often the answer than most people seem to think. Lots of other things, natural remedys, can increase a mans libido besides pumping extra testosterone into a person. And yea...alot of those testosterrone remedys can cause that "Asshole" side effect you mentioned. Think of it this way. Adding testosterone to someone who doesnt actually have low testosterone causes a major excess of the stuff...so they get mean and irritable (gee..think roid rage on a smaller scale)...if they actually had low testosterone, adding some in would put them back to normal levels so they wouldnt have all those nasty side effects....

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to kimmysue)

Post #: 34

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/18/2007 1:43:59 PM

willsupportmysub

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline

Get some exercise and a healthy meal together - Maybe just a long walk outside then a big plate of veggies with fruit for dessert ----- try rimming him...

(in reply to erebus)

Post #: 35

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/18/2007 6:55:51 PM

SirStephan55

Posts: 69
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kimmysue

He's been through a battery of tests. Was prescribed testosterone gel to put on his arm twice a day. He doesn't like the way it changes him, makes him an "a**hole" according to him. Then there's the obstacle of the cost of the stuff, we don't have medical insurance & it costs $120 every other week. I've tried talking to him about herbal things that I found online, he says he's tried them & they don't work. I just feel like everything I try isn't good enough & he just isn't interested anymore.

Testostorone gel should not make him an a**hole. I was prescribed it also, not for ED but for another medical reason, and I found no mental change at all. Also, does he know about Cialis? Maybe he really is not interested and is just using these excuses?

(in reply to kimmysue)

Post #: 36

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/18/2007 8:40:52 PM

kimmysue

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/20/2006
Status: offline

i'm pretty sure He knows His own body. He told me that the dosage of testosterone He should take to make His Doctor happy turns Him into someone that has "roid rage." Remember that medications affect people differently - just because it didn't do that to you, doesn't mean it wouldn't do that to Him.

Again, if i didn't mention it before - W/we do not have medical coverage at this time. Yes, there are all kinds of wonderful prescriptions out there - but when you have to pay cash out of pocket, they don't seem so wonderful after all. We live together & are raising a family, so $100 could definitely be used elsewhere. So to answer your question, W/we've heard of Cialis (we don't live in a cave.)

As far as "the excuses" comment - my Sir makes excuses for NO ONE, especially Himself.

(in reply to SirStephan55)

Post #: 37

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/19/2007 4:53:51 AM

knightschild

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

It's just hard for me because i bust my ass (pardon the pun) to be submissive to Him & for Him. i make sure that i take care of Him in the manner that He wishes to be taken care of

i guess it will work itself out if it is supposed to "be."

Ive had two Doms so far who NEVER could get an errection due to health issues but that didnt affect my relationship with them at all. W/we still had a kind of an enjoyable sex life. There are so many different things which can be done for enjoyment and even those who cant get an errection at all, still will usually enjoy their ones giving oral sex etc etc... serving Them in that way.

Maybe Your attitude to the issue is putting Him off wanting to do play in anyway at all????

Sounds like He's depressed or in need of counselling for the issue.

(in reply to kimmysue)

Post #: 38

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/19/2007 5:19:52 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

This isn't something that will "just work itself out". It's not going away anytime soon. It won't probably improve with age either. Either he wants to fix it and get an erection for sex or he doesn't have that high enough a sex drive to want to fix it. Low sex drive and ED are two seperate issues. Figure out what you want and/or can live with or without and go from there.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to knightschild)

Post #: 39

RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/19/2007 12:17:36 PM

Petronius

Posts: 289
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

sextoygirlny put it well. "Sex" and "Scene" are not the same thing.

However, given one described problem as "Was prescribed testosterone gel to put on his arm twice a day. He doesn't like the way it changes him, makes him an "a**hole" according to him. Then there's the obstacle of the cost of the stuff, we don't have medical insurance & it costs $120 every other week. "

How about you try a lower dose of the gel and a lower frequency of application or both? That cuts costs. Meanwhile, how about investigating another non-gel form of the hormone to see if it costs less?

(in reply to erebus)

Post #: 40

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