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Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/27/2005 10:49:14 AM

arryshanna

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After having read quite a few posts on this forum and others within the associated pages I wonder if I am some sort of weird duck? (ok do not answer that hehe).

In any case I find that i do not want o be punished for anything, it would make me so sad to think I did something that would make someone I loved so mad at me that they wished to hurt me.

I am a submissive by nature and I was raised in a family where the man was the head of the clan and as women we were supportive, (not door mays mind you). It pleases me to please my Master and to wait on him.

I like what happens between us in the way of pleasure and admeditatly he is much more oriented toward giving pain than I am toward recieving it. He has made choices that make me able to serve him and still maintain his control over me.

I am his slave/lover/wife/ and friend. In this context we have found a ballance that works well for a us both.

I never thought being a pain slut was one of the requirements toward service, I have no problem with others who like pain it is just not exactly right for me, am I alone in this?

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/27/2005 10:54:04 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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Far too often S&M gets equated to D&S. While there is a lot of crossover they are indeed very separate things and one is not needed to have that other.

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/27/2005 11:04:16 AM

nenakajira

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Joined: 7/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: arryshanna

In any case I find that i do not want o be punished for anything, it would make me so sad to think I did something that would make someone I loved so mad at me that they wished to hurt me.

I am a submissive by nature and I was raised in a family where the man was the head of the clan and as women we were supportive, (not door mays mind you). It pleases me to please my Master and to wait on him.

No, youre not alone. But I think you've missed an important distinction. There is a difference between pain for play and punishment. I enjoy pain to a certain degree, mostly within the context of sex. I like things extremely rough and while we do not scene in any way our sex can be more violent than a cat's in heat. *grins* Theres alot of slapping, sometimes breath play, scratching and biting (okay, its mosly me doing the scratching.. lol). I love all of that. But punishment is a different story.

When he beats me to punish me I hate it. I hate that whip with everything thats in me. Now, if it had been play Id probably have enjoyed it. I used to be involved with the S&M scene before I met him. However, knowing I am being *punished*, that I have *displeased* him, gives it an entire different meaning. Its the psychological as much as the physical that makes it a horrible experience.

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/27/2005 11:24:39 AM

feline

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quote:

I never thought being a pain slut was one of the requirements toward service, I have no problem with others who like pain it is just not exactly right for me, am I alone in this?

It's only a requirement if that is what the Master/Dom wants.

I'm not a masochist either.

No, you're not alone

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/27/2005 11:38:05 AM

anopheles

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Joined: 6/23/2005
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Not all Dom's like using pain as punishment. I personally do not. If your submissive is a true pain slut, then inflicting pain as a punishment is not going to be as effective as you would need it be anyway. The sub would lose themselves in the sensation of the pain, and forget that they exhibited a behavior that needed to be corrected, so you basically just wore your arm out whipping their ass for nothing!

My personal philosophy is domination through understanding, not domination through fear. If you beat your dog everyday for getting out of line, you instill fear within them. A dog that's constantly afraid, one of these days, will bite. If you beat the fear of God into a submissive, then she/he will probably end up leaving you. I prefer making sure that a submissive understands, explicitly, what she needs to do. If it doesn't happen, a simple look of displeasure is usually punishment enough.

< Message edited by anopheles -- 7/27/2005 2:53:10 PM >

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/27/2005 12:31:10 PM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: arryshanna

After having read quite a few posts on this forum and others within the associated pages I wonder if I am some sort of weird duck? (ok do not answer that hehe).

In any case I find that i do not want o be punished for anything, it would make me so sad to think I did something that would make someone I loved so mad at me that they wished to hurt me.

I am a submissive by nature and I was raised in a family where the man was the head of the clan and as women we were supportive, (not door mays mind you). It pleases me to please my Master and to wait on him.

I like what happens between us in the way of pleasure and admeditatly he is much more oriented toward giving pain than I am toward recieving it. He has made choices that make me able to serve him and still maintain his control over me.

I am his slave/lover/wife/ and friend. In this context we have found a ballance that works well for a us both.

I never thought being a pain slut was one of the requirements toward service, I have no problem with others who like pain it is just not exactly right for me, am I alone in this?

i am like you in that i was raised in a very traditional family. The men brought home the bacon, the women were in the kitchen, cleaned the house and tended to the husbands needs. i think that this is where i got my (as i call it) natural submissiveness from. i was raised this way. i was in the kitchen from when i was " --- " <---this tall...LOL!! So, like you i have a need to serve and love to do it.

i think many people confuse a D/s relationship with SM. i was having a conversation with a friend the other day who is just learning about the lifestyle and she thought the whole D/s M/s thing was only about kinky sex. So Master and i said no way! in our relationship it's only a small part. Master loves me to tend to Her needs (all-non-sexual most of the time) and i love doing it. i see myself more of a service oriented slave than anything else. Well, i do get some (lol) i just lean that way.

Being a pain slut is only a requirement if the Dom/me makes it one. But then again you have to agree to it as well. Is pain a hard limit for you? sounds like it to me and i think that this needs to be communicated with your Master.

We all have different needs. i, however, am somewhat of a pain slut, so i sometimes (shame on me) will be bratty for a beating..LOL!! Master is amused by this..LOL!!

i told my friend to write down her hard limits and also to write down the things that make her nervous. i would suggest the same for you. Then both of you can further discuss this issue.

i hope my rambling has helped..LOL!

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/27/2005 12:44:43 PM

EvilTwin

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I dont hand out pain as a punishment.
My Baby Girl likes a spanking so its a better punishment to with hold it when she needs discipline.
Other than a nice spanking tho I generally dont hand out pain when not in the middle of a sexual act.
I get nothing from inflicting pain without sex, and other than spankings... she isnt into extreme pain play.

Now after sex... it is not uncommon to have to pull the sheets out of the broken skin.

Jim

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/27/2005 2:24:14 PM

PAINTHORSE

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Arryshanna, I could not have said it better, I love and adore my position, and most inportantly I know my position, and it is appreciated.

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/27/2005 4:26:50 PM

Hissweetshiv

Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: arryshanna
In any case I find that i do not want o be punished for anything, it would make me so sad to think I did something that would make someone I loved so mad at me that they wished to hurt me.
~~~~~
I never thought being a pain slut was one of the requirements toward service, I have no problem with others who like pain it is just not exactly right for me, am I alone in this?

Heck no you aren't alone! Let me address this first point first. Even the most hard core pain sluts usually have a major issue with displeasing their One. Few people want to be punished, no matter what form that punishment may take. I myself adore (some) pain during a scene, but having disappointed Him once, i have no urge to do so again. The emotional pain of having disobeyed Him is far worse than physical pain.

Point two: NOWHERE in the great "BDSM bible" (lol ..yeah sure) does it say that you have to enjoy pain to be a submissive. This lifestyle varies with every couple .... the trick is to find the One whose ideals match your own... just like in nilla life. There are many submissives out there who are service and/or pleasure oriented, just as there are many who love pain in varying degrees. Don't feel that you're the odd man out because you aren't a pain slut. Celebrate who you are and how you prefer to serve.

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/28/2005 7:01:03 AM

perfection20005

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I don't like pain with punishment either. I do enjoy some pain with the sex part, but I do believe I could live without that, it just enhances the sex.

I don't think you are the only one who feels this way.

perfection

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/28/2005 7:18:39 AM

sultryvoice

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I do like pain in play and sex. But, if I am being punished, I hate it. Not so much for the pain, althought it hurts differently, but for the fact that I am being punished. That, to me, is the worst.

Respectfully,
sultry

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/28/2005 8:09:15 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: arryshanna

In any case I find that i do not want o be punished for anything, it would make me so sad to think I did something that would make someone I loved so mad at me that they wished to hurt me.

First of all, we all will do things that can earn us punishment. Punishment is used to correct unwanted behavior. No one is perfect, so therefore there will also be something that needs correcting. Second, punishment doesn't necessarily mean physical pain.

quote:

I never thought being a pain slut was one of the requirements toward service, I have no problem with others who like pain it is just not exactly right for me, am I alone in this?

I know people that are heavily involved in D/s that have never used a piece of rope, flogger or paddle in that relationship. Every relationship is different and there is no wrong way of doing this unless you're causing someone harm.

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/28/2005 8:20:43 AM

grits

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Joined: 7/23/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: anopheles

I prefer making sure that a submissive understands, explicitly, what she needs to do. If it doesn't happen, a simple look of displeasure is usually punishment enough.

There was no worse punishment on earth than knowing i had displeased/hurt/upset/angered (pick one..lol) my Master. i'm not a pain slut, only enjoying pain at His pleasure, and a physical punishment wasn't gonna please Him..knowing He "had" to do that really punished us both (and He made sure i knew that).

When i was with Master my purpose was to please Him and to serve Him, period! To do less, was what caused the real "pain" for us. imho, pain isn't necessary for a D/s relationship, not unless both sides agree.

good luck..

grits

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RE: Service without pain? or at least not much - 7/28/2005 9:16:31 AM

plantlady64

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Joined: 5/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: arryshanna

1) In any case I find that i do not want o be punished for anything, it would make me so sad to think I did something that would make someone I loved so mad at me that they wished to hurt me.

2) I never thought being a pain slut was one of the requirements toward service, I have no problem with others who like pain it is just not exactly right for me, am I alone in this?

Hello There,
Response 1-
I think punishments are not done in anger by loving Masters. I think punishments should be done in corrective love. How will you remember and grow without consequences for infractions???
It's like the little kid you tell 500 times don't touch the stove it's hot. Until they burn themselves it really doesn't sink in. Once they have experienced the penalty they never forget fire is hot again.
Sometimes the only way to correct behavior that hurts you is to let you see what pain (emotional or physical) your bad behaviour can bring.

Response 2-
My Master a true complete sadist and prior to me he's only been with pain pigs for the past ten years. He I have been going back and forth about this very issue.
He says he likes the fact I'm not a pain slut & he loves me just the way I am. I on the other hand know how the release through such forceful contact fulfills a need in him.
I physically hate sting types of contact, but willingly would withstand them for him to be able to fulfil the needs in him. I'm slowly convincing him I may not feel the pain is sexy, but I love him and can use mind over matter control over the pain. I remind him constantly taking it for him does indeed turn me on very much. I hate the physical, but love the full submission of my body to his whims.
So I don't agree to be a pain slut is the requirement of all severe sadists as it's not one of my Masters.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

< Message edited by plantlady64 -- 7/28/2005 9:17:39 AM >

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