RE: Timeframe for "The next step"

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RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/11/2007 5:02:17 AM

hardbodysub

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I think that meeting should take place as soon reasonably possible after establishing that both people are really interested in each other. I understand that some people don't want to go to the effort of meeting in person unless they've had a lot of conversations, and feel very comfortable about meeting in person. I understand that, and I also don't want to jump right into it unless I feel pretty strongly that there's a good chance we'll click. On the other hand, I don't want to waste a lot of time for no good reason.

Meeting face-to-face will show you whether the other person has been honest about their age and appearance, and you'll find out if there's any physical chemistry between you. Setting up a safe meeting time and place fairly early in the process can help to avoid spending tons of time online, only to find out that the other person was misrepresenting themselves, or that they are only online gamers without any intention of really meeting.

With the advent of IM with webcam, you can approximate a real meeting if doing it face-to-face is inconvenient. But there's nothing like the real thing.

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RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/11/2007 10:34:32 AM

goodgirl85

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I have chatted with people for years before meeting them. However, I have talked with those I have only met once or twice before meeting them. My first Dom, we talked online for a year before even exchanges phone numbers just to text. Then it was six months of talking on the phone before we met. We were on and off for a year. Sir and I talked online, maybe a few weeks, before we met. I talked to him for the first time on the phone the same day I met him. Even after two months of being together I have only talked to him on the phone a handful of times. He is just not a phone person.

girl

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RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/11/2007 10:40:54 AM

Estring

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I am always for meeting as soon as possible. It does depend on distance of course. I met a slave from Brasil once after talking online a few months, but my slave/wife and I met after a week. She was in Northern California while I was in Southern California.
So as a rule I prefer to meet sooner than later.

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RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/11/2007 12:37:41 PM

CreativeDominant

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As you can see by the variety of answers, there IS no right answer. It has to be mutually agreed upon and what serves the highest comfort level for both parties. If that involves one moving their time table up while the other has to slow theirs down a bit...as long as you are both comfortable with the final agreement as to when...then so be it.

As noted by others, I am not someone's dominant until I've met them and seen whether or not there has been that "clicking" discussed. For me, that has sometimes happened within the first meeting, sometimes within the first 10 minutes and sometimes, it has taken a longer time after seeing each other to finding that click. Did that mean that the ones it happened with more slowly were not as good a fit for me? Or me for them? No...it meant that each relationship you begin to engage in is different.

I have had a good friend since chiropractic college...we knew within about 30 minutes of talking to each other that we would be friends for life. Here it is 28 years after we met and we still talk on the phone monthly and I still help him teach and he helps me prepare for the classes I teach. I know his wife and kids and he knows mine. It took me about 4 or 5 meetings to warm up to my ex-wife. Yet we produced 2 children together and were together for 19 years. It ended in divorce and yes, there was plenty of acrimony but there were plenty of right things too.

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RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/12/2007 5:58:28 AM

biracalsub4wmDom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl85

I have chatted with people for years before meeting them. However, I have talked with those I have only met once or twice before meeting them. My first Dom, we talked online for a year before even exchanges phone numbers just to text. Then it was six months of talking on the phone before we met. We were on and off for a year. Sir and I talked online, maybe a few weeks, before we met. I talked to him for the first time on the phone the same day I met him. Even after two months of being together I have only talked to him on the phone a handful of times. He is just not a phone person.

girl

i really appreciate your response to this. a year without exchanging phone numbers? that is interresting. it's actually good to hear. :) for some reason, it makes me feel better. lol
perhaps what really needs to happen is i need to work on my patience.

thanks!

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RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/16/2007 5:59:12 AM

biracalsub4wmDom

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i just read an article about a woman who met a man online....had a relationship with him for over a year, never met, never talked on the phone. She ended up quiting her job, left her family, moved to be with him.....and he turned out to be a 50 year old WOMAN!
OMG! wow.....that's scary.

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biracialsub

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RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/16/2007 6:00:46 AM

mnottertail

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Did the woman have any facial hair or anything that could help?

Men are generally not that clever of a talker intos.......

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 10/16/2007 6:01:22 AM >

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RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/16/2007 6:07:17 AM

biracalsub4wmDom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Did the woman have any facial hair or anything that could help?

Men are generally not that clever of a talker intos.......

LOL...i don't know if she had facial hair or not! either way,i would have gone into black bitch mode, and kicked her fake ass.
" OH I KNOW YOU DIDN'T JUST PLAY ME....WHAT THE....hold up...it's about to be like Jill Scott up in hear....let me take my earrings off, and get the frickin Vasaline!"

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biracialsub

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RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/16/2007 6:09:30 AM

mnottertail

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LOL, glad to hear you got it in you.....Who is Jill Scott?

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RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/16/2007 7:57:59 AM

octavia

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It has been my experience that if you are looking for real life relationship, the sooner you can meet in person the better. If you are only looking for online, then it is the online chemistry that matters and I wouldn't stress the real life meeting so much. For me, I learned the hard way that it is possible to have great phone chemistry, great online chemistry and not so great real life chemistry. That sucks!
With the man i am seeing now, we emailed for a few weeks.. kinda ( I was a bit stand offish at the time

)
Talked on the phone for i don't know maybe a month or less, then met for dinner. I was really really worried about there being irl chemistry so pushed for the meeting as early as possible, but them again, I am looking for a real life relationship, and didnt want to waste time if there wasn't spark.
One of the complications we have run into is that the distance apart dictates that we see each other about every two weeks, but we talk daily. We have built this intense emotional connection but I still get all red faced and shy when I see him in person. Sometimes I worry about this.. LOL, it's like when we are together, if something major comes up and I want to talk to him about it, I have to fight the urge to run into the other room and call him from my phone!

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RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/16/2007 3:09:27 PM

MaamJay

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As you've seen, no set rules. The time frame needs to fit the circumstances, ie the goals of both people, the distances involved etc. I had interacted online with Master for over 6 months before we moved to phone because His computer broke ... but at that time it was just chat as friends, we weren't considering each other as partners. Then when it dawned on us that we could be potential partners (and the phone calls helped that), we met within 6 weeks despite being 5000km apart (diagonally opposite in Australia). We broke the rules a little in that the first meeting wasn't just a coffee meet ... well, we actually both flew about 3000km to meet at the right angle of the triangle so to speak ... so that would be rather a long way to go just for a coffee (which neither of us actually drink LOL)! We had 5 days which were wonderful despite Him having the flu (and me having it later). Over the next year we met twice more, for 11 days and then 21 days, once at His place, once at mine, and were racking up the phone calls and IMs. By then it was decided He would move to my situation, which He did, with me helping Him drive His stuff cross-country. 2.5 years later my home situation changed, so He and I decided to make the long drive once more back to His home state, which is where we are now.

My new sub lives 5 hours drive away so after meeting here on collarme, I wanted a face to face fairly soon. That's because I am seriously looking for a potential 24/7 for My Domme side and obviously My sub has to fit in with the dynamic between myself and Master too. If the personalities didn't gel, the best we could be would be friends, so it was important to check out the chemistry sooner rather than later, I didn't want to get too attached otherwise. So her first visit was after about a month and went very well. she is on visit 3 now, though circumstances (her having major surgery and coming here to recuperate) has caused things to move a bit faster than I might otherwise have done, this being a 4-6 week visit. It's been good in bringing to the forefront some issues that we need to resolve before taking it much deeper, and has certainly provided lots of opportunity for deep and meaningfuls!

I'd just urge people to be reasonably cautious, definitely when it comes to scening with someone (prior meetings, safe calls etc), and not to make life-changing decisions before you have had some extended stays with people in their home situation so you can see how they interact with others as well as with you!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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