Idle question (Full Version)

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Niran -> Idle question (7/27/2005 1:49:14 PM)

For the Dom/mes-

Today I have run across no less than 4 postings about the sort of physical and mental illnesses that people will and will not allow. I dont have a problem with that, veryone knows what they will and will not be able to cope with. So here is my question. Lets say that I was sub. (which I am not, but hypothetically speaking) After a few weeks of talking, IM, whatever, I tell you that I have asthma. Its severe enough that I HAVE to take my meds, but does not prohibit me for daily tasks. Would you view this as a disability and cease conversation, or would you just remind me to bring my inhaler when we meet. (damn thing IS my AMEX..never leave home without it..)


I bring this up only to understand what is considered a "disability" to some and not to others. Obviously if someone's main fetish is breath control, I can see it as a conflict, but I am speaking to those who can take it or leave it.

Thoughts?

N



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 2:08:41 PM)

It would not be enough to cease discussing things with you, but it would be another "factor on the table."

However, I'd respect someone who felt it was not something they want to get involved with and was honest enough to say so up front. It might hurt, but at least it would be honest.



plantlady64 -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 2:26:23 PM)

Hello There,
I'm a sub so I know my opinion isn't really one to be considered on this so much, but I think what the problem is is if you are a sub with an illness that adds way more responsibility for your health on the Dom playing with you. I had though about switching and just the weight of the emotional responsibility of a sub changed my mind.
If I played with someone with an illness and hurt the or caused their condition to flair up I'd feel very responsible. I know it's not fair, but who'd want to feel like they had to treat a sub like a fragile eggshell? I think a Dom would have to get to know someone very well to be comfortable enough in knowing the sub inside their head and how they react in play with others before they'd be secure in the knowledge they would not bring on a asthmatic episode Or how to respond if the excitement would cause one to come on. I've actually seen a sub have an episode in my local public dungeon and her Dom's was terrified until she started to get control. Let's be realistic a sub's life can and does hang in the balance of these relationships. I think the answer would depend on how strong the connection and attraction is and if it would outweigh the risks.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne



Niran -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 3:02:55 PM)

ok, cool. I just wanted to see what other people thought.


N



Kinkypupper -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 4:18:12 PM)

NO



junkyard -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 4:54:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Niran
Today I have run across no less than 4 postings about the sort of physical and mental illnesses that people will and will not allow.


Was one of them mine?

What you have to consider is the way that we all learn things. Sure, individual experiences are anecdotal - but you are going to find it very hard to persuade me out of prejuidices I learned through life experience. Life is finite, we all have to choose the things we want to deal with and reject the things we don't want to deal with. Really, it's that simple.

I lived with a woman with what I guess is now called "clinical depression." I love that woman still, but I sure as hell do not want to live with her necessarily. As far as I know, they are still tweaking her medication and dosages. She can be a fairly volatile personality. I'm just not wishing such a relationship for myself ever again. It's no one's business but my own that I am assertive on this point.

Is it somehow my job to take on charity cases for illnesses I want nothing to do with? I feel badly for people thusly afflicted, but I think my energy for the problem ends right there. If someone I might otherwise be interested in tells me they have clinical depression they might as well hold up a sign that reads: "Run away now!"

I am not everyone's choice either, y'know? You cannot please everyone.



Niran -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 4:58:24 PM)

No, it wasnt actually, Junkyard. Not all the of the posts were here, actually.

While I slightly resent being called a charity case, it was merely an idle question.


N



junkyard -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 5:23:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Niran
While I slightly resent being called a charity case, it was merely an idle question.


I don't believe I called you one. Certainly no offense was intended. I frankly don't know anything about you that I could have used to insult you even if I wanted to.

--------------------------------------

char·i·ty. noun
plural chari·ties

1.Provision of help or relief to the poor; almsgiving.
2.Something given to help the needy; alms.
3.An institution, an organization, or a fund established to help the needy.
4.Benevolence or generosity toward others or toward humanity.
5.Indulgence or forbearance in judging others. See synonyms at mercy.
6.Often Charity Theology. The virtue defined as love directed first toward God but also toward oneself and one's neighbors as objects of God's love.

Excerpted from The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Third Edition Copyright © 1992 by Houghton Mifflin Company.

--------------------------------------

So, sorry - but when I understand that someone has a set of problems that I don't want to deal with, I do not indulge them, I judge them wanting as per my preferences, I do not help them just because they have a specific need.

My dominance is not provided as a service. It is who I am and I please only myself.



IronBear -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 5:37:56 PM)

For me personally speaking, I expect disclosure to regarding anything, which may in one form or another impact on any form of relationship, other than just a casual friendship. In other words people who I may play with and or collar, I expect all the cards on the table and I will do the same. In 90% of the cases I only need to be able to evaluate the areas which are either dangerous (breath control for an asthmatic) or which I need to take special care and/or which have special needs. That is a commonsense safety net. Off the cuff, the only thing I can think of which will cause me to refuse to have a relationship with the person is either a serious criminal record or someone who is a sociopath and psychotic.



Niran -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 6:26:14 PM)

We all have things that we prefer not to deal with, due to our own experiences. I have none in the realm of mental illness, other than a friend that I dont spend a lot of time with. (it has far more to do with the country between us than anything) I can only imagine what that can be like to live with, for everyone. In your shoes, I cant say that I wouldnt do the same thing.

However, what I asked for was "How much would the fact I have asthma bother you?"

Plantlady-Your opinion is no less valuable just because of the side of the flogger you are on ;) Thanks

ES, I can agree to that. However, would it be a factor, just like the fact you have red hair, (which is gorgeous, btw) or a factor of "I like her, buuut...."

Bear, I would absolutely disclose it, especially if there were chemistry. I might not walk up to you and say "Hi, I'm Niran. I have asthma." though, LOL What I am wondering is how well the news would be recieved.


Thank you for all your input. Have a great night.

N



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 6:35:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL:
ES, I can agree to that. However, would it be a factor, just like the fact you have red hair, (which is gorgeous, btw) or a factor of "I like her, buuut...." .

N


Argh I don't! I'm really glad you like my hair, but it's only how the light caught it. My hair is generally just medium brown with a few other hues to it. I'm really not trying to deceive anyone but I love the picture overall.



fastlane -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 6:41:49 PM)

ES, does not have red hair....Fastlane retracts all flirtaious post geared toward ES, sorry, just a red head fetish.

On the other hand, an illness or disability would not turn me off, especially if your hair was red?[:@]
See, everything red turns me on....I'm terrible at Christmas in Victoria Secrets.
Everyone gets red!



MstrHellsFury -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 6:53:53 PM)

as with all things true to the lifestyle..disclosure of ones nature and abilities..pro and con is a cornerstone in development...we all have areas we won't touch and then there are those willing to make accomodations...isn't that the beauty of being in the life...finding those to help (as the saying goes) complete(I hate this part) us...I'd like to say it's to fill some void we may have in ourselves....now I'll wait for the boulder to come crashing down on that statement...

Fury



Niran -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 6:57:57 PM)

Tough, I am not giving up my last fantasy about it, LOL. Its a great picture. ;)

I love red too. Niran means "flame" in Arabic.



IronBear -> RE: Idle question (7/27/2005 7:41:55 PM)

Huge WEG……..I’m married to a red head ……..



junkyard -> RE: Idle question (7/28/2005 12:31:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Niran
"How much would the fact I have asthma bother you?"


Can you provide more details as to the precise nature of this problem? How can you imagine it would, or how does it, effect play, sex, etc?




imtempting -> RE: Idle question (7/28/2005 12:59:40 AM)

Having Asthma myself and according to the doctor im meant to take it everydaybut I dont as its only when seasons change I need it.

I think he means with Asthma having your breathing cut off or restricted could bring on an asthma attack.

Ive thought about this a fair bit aswell but ill speak for myself here as asthma affects people differently.

I will not do most breath play. Gags I will do but anything that will cut off my breathing I will not do.



IronBear -> RE: Idle question (7/28/2005 4:03:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Niran


Bear, I would absolutely disclose it, especially if there were chemistry. I might not walk up to you and say "Hi, I'm Niran. I have asthma." though, LOL What I am wondering is how well the news would be recieved.


Thank you for all your input. Have a great night.

N


G'day Niran,

Well you would be treated with consurn and empathy and a general question how you are ar the time. then unless you wanted to discuss it I would leave the subject alone and we'd just carry on as normal....



TahoeSadist -> RE: Idle question (7/28/2005 7:19:58 AM)

Having been in the exact situation mentioned, with a person who had asthma I can tell you how we handled it. She always had her inhaler, *and* I always kept one in the toybag as well. Even had to pull it out and use it during a scene at a party once. Aside from it being a most impressive way to stop play, it never caused any problems at all. Obviously in this, as in any general question, your mileage may vary.

Eric



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