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First Meeting Timeframes - 10/8/2007 12:01:15 PM   
bostontwo


Posts: 43
Status: offline 		My wife and I are looking to make a first in-person contact with a couple for prospective d/s play soon. While we've flirted among friends before, this is the first time that we've set a goal of meeting a dominant couple we didn't already know, for the explicit purpose of investigating whether we'd like to play with them. We have a couple we're negotiating with now, and they've been amazingly understanding thus far in dealing with us first-timers. Hopefully we'll actually get to sit down with them within the week.

We were just wondering, in general, what's a decent timeframe from first contact online to an actual, real-world meeting? My wife put me in charge of being the spokesperson for us, since I'm the outgoing one (and also because I'm more the sub, and she gets to boss me around like that). I've been chatting back and forth with the other couple for about three weeks, and while I feel like I may be have been going slow, I have no basis for comparison.

I realize this is probably subjective; everyones mileage will likely vary. We just wanted to see if there was some universal, agreed-upon "average" time frame that we're hopefully not dragging out beyond what politeness would dictate. It doesn't help that our schedule is largely subject to the whims and moods of a toddler.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/8/2007 12:09:42 PM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline 		It really depends on the tastes of the individual Dominant in question, geography, work schedules, and too many variables to list.

If the Dominant couple is being "patient", don't try to rush it.  For all I know, they may be cautious about meeting you and your wife, and appreciate taking it slow.

Think of the waiting time as part of the "romancing" of each other....the building of anticiaption and desire, a chance to raise and answer questions, etc. 

(in reply to bostontwo)
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RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/8/2007 12:19:55 PM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think there is a right time for all!  It is when suits you both with committments etc and when you feel comfortable with meeting.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to bostontwo)
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RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/8/2007 12:23:03 PM   
bostontwo


Posts: 43
Status: offline 		@AFlyInYourWeb

Thanks for the advice. I don't think we're rushing them; if anything, I worry about our schedule and my pacing being slower than they may be used to. But it'll be moot soon. We'll most likely meet with them some night this week, if they're willing to deal with one of us while the other sits, or this coming weekend, when we could all definitely meet together. This is more for future reference, so we'll know how to do things better next time.

(in reply to AFlyInYourWeb)
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RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/8/2007 1:29:49 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:


I realize this is probably subjective; everyones mileage will likely vary. We just wanted to see if there was some universal, agreed-upon "average" time frame that we're hopefully not dragging out beyond what politeness would dictate.


You hit the nail on the head with everyone's mileage will vary. There is no universal agreed upon anything, much less a universal agreed upon time frame (except, of course, for those 'elite' members of the One Twue Way ).

How much time that is elapses before you meet is entirely contingent on how much time all parties need until they feel comfortable to meet. I have met people (in public, with a safe call, and often with an escort) after one day, other's I have spoken with online and on the phone for months before agreeing to meet them. There are a lot of variables to consider - relative geography,  the impressions everyone has of eachother, how compatible you feel you are, how willing people are to just meet without being overly skewed by expectations.

I may meet people at times with the idea that I may play with them in the future in the back of my mind, however, that has never been a specific agenda for me. I go into a meeting with the intent that I am getting to know someone new, nothing more, nothing less. If we end up  being compatible for play, that's good, but if not - I don't have a sour taste in my mouth that it didn't work out. YMMV of course, but that is something that has always been important for my sanity, at least.

As for when would be a good time to meet this other couple, have an open dialogue with everyone. If everyone is game for meeting, decide on a where. Some neutral, public place is usually good - maybe chat over dinner. Given that it is two couples, and four people's schedules, deciding on when may feel a bit like herding cats. Figure out when are good times for you (or at least when isn't), ask them when is good for them and give then the caveat of when you are not available. Hopefully you should be able to work around everyone's assuredly busy schedules. Go meet, chit chat, enjoy. :) If you click you may have new play partners, if not, you may at the very least have new lifestyle friends, which are valuable assets for their friendship, and also for networking to meet others that may be more compatible to play with. :)


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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to bostontwo)
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RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/8/2007 4:23:42 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I personally want to talk to someone for about two weeks and then have them do a formal contact with my current slave. If things seem to be flowing along common lines we'll arrange to meet for lunch or dinner somewhere public in our town -- dutch all around so there are no obligations a week later.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to bostontwo)
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RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/8/2007 5:56:13 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		Depends on the individual and the distance really.  I'm primarily interested in making casual local friends, not actively looking for or expecting anything else, so I prefer to meet people for coffee and chitchat at the next convenient Munch.  As long as the meeting is casual and in public, I'll meet just about anyone in very short order for sociable purposes.  If they creep me out or ring my alarm bells, mostly by not understanding or respecting that I'm only looking to socialize and NOT looking to date or play with people right off the bat who won't stop to make friends first, I won't meet them at all.  

(in reply to bostontwo)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/8/2007 10:14:34 PM   
unforegvn


Posts: 159
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline 		If they are local, I like to meet for a face to face meeting ASAP at  a mutually agreed upon place for conversation.  Everyone has time to meet for an ice cream, coffee or a drink :)

There is not universal agreed upon rule to meeting anyone.  As long as you are honest with your inquiry there shouldn't be a problem.

(in reply to bostontwo)
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RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/8/2007 10:30:09 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		I've met people anywhere from hours after first contact to months later.  It depends on comfort, schedules, intensity.  In general, I like to do it earlier rather than later -- within one or two weeks -- because it is too easy to project qualities onto people when your primary form of interaction is text/online.  I've waited longer and the person I met was not the person I *thought* I was going to meet, not through deception but through the image I had created in my mind.

MSS

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"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to unforegvn)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/9/2007 10:12:42 AM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		I find that it works best if we meet immediately and do our getting to know each other face to face.  Yeah usually just at a coffee house nearby or we may discover that we are both going to a munch.  But I find the online thing to not work well...it just seems to give everyone time to overthink, get nervous, embue a meet with more than is necessary....It takes a long time to really get to know someone...meeting face to face early cuts through a lot of fantasy right away.   Everytime there has been more than 2 weeks of online back and forth or scheduling difficulty between us just to meet for a cup of coffee things have not worked out.   Usually the closer we get to a meet if we have not met right up front the colder their feet get until right before hand they cancel and say they are not ready for a BDSM relationship...always interesting to me since we've not even met yet.  yeah a relationship is hoped for but that is a long shot and most likely we will end up being friends instead.  shrugs...So I find that those who do not want to meet and find away to meet right away are those who are just dabblng for the most part.   They may think they are serious but when push comes to shove they are not ready.

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/9/2007 10:17:48 AM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		yeah I agree with mysweet completely - and I find the projection of filling in the blanks when doing written communication is a two way street.  Both parties get way off track.

So basically, if I were the couple you are considering to meet...I would have already decided that yall are not sure what you are doing and are too scared to follow through.  I would already be moving on in some ways and the longer it goes I would be disengaging bit by bit and having lower and lower expectations of you...and getting a bit irritated at your feet dragging.  People find away to do what they want even with toddlers around.  Excuses are always abundant.

< Message edited by ocilla -- 10/9/2007 10:19:00 AM >

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to ocilla)
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RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/9/2007 10:42:13 AM   
cbtok


Posts: 70
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline 		I generally take a "nothing ventured, nothing gained" attitude with meeting people. I'm always happy to meet but all meetings are in an open place where everyone may disengage as they prefer. I'd never meet someone at my place or their place without at least having a clear and explicit recommendation from someone I trust—and then having a pre-arranged call as the meeting progressed.

I met someone from out of town a short time ago for coffee. About fifteen minutes into our conversation, I noticed her fiddling with her cell phone. I smiled and said, "Go ahead and make your call. Do you need me to go visit the restroom?"

We all know that 99% of people who play are just fine and very safe. And it's still a good idea to take precautions.



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What if there were no hypothetical questions?

(in reply to ocilla)
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RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/9/2007 11:44:43 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Meet in a public place for coffee (or drinks) or at a munch.  There is no need to get together at someone's home to explore the idea of play. And, as already stated, spending too much time on email and chat causes overthinking the situation. 
I was not going to reply to this, but there is one thing that is bothering Me.

quote:

My wife and I are looking to make a first in-person contact with a couple for prospective d/s play soon.


Bold emphasis Mine.
I know that many people now use the term d/s to refer to domination and submission  play.  But for Me, the term D/s or M/s should be reserved as a reference to an entire power exchange relationship dynamic.  This is why there are so many communication SANFUs.  Play involves the BDSM activities.  D/s (or M/s) refers to the relationship in its entirety. 
I am assuming here that you would not be deferential to your play partners in a social setting.  You would only be bottoming in scenes.
It's just a pet peeve of Mine...
Carry on...

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to bostontwo)
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RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/9/2007 3:45:33 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I expect to meet in no longer a time frame than two to three weeks. I do not believe in draging on the time before a meet.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: First Meeting Timeframes - 10/9/2007 4:49:55 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		I always used a one month timeframe from first contact online.   During that month, I expected regular email contact, with a phone call by the end of about 2-3 weeks.   We needed to meet for coffee within a week of that phone call.  Mind you, I didn't rush into play.

I found that plan worked fairly well for me.  I was upfront about my expectations that this was my schedule, and either they could live up to that or not.   The end result is that I didn't waste a lot of time online talking to the same people over and over and I met some interesting people.

I will say though that I've always had much better results meeting people through the local scene than online though.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 15
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