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Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/8/2007 10:03:14 PM   
GentleSeduction


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/5/2007
Status: offline 		What are Your thoughts on giving more than one sub a consideration collar at the same time?
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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 2:11:57 AM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		For me, it would be too much effort and too confusing. I don't really do collars of consideration anyway -- you're either collared by me, or you're not. 

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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 4:38:23 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		sounds like multiple consideration collars are as committed as the ones that are held on by velcro

but seriously, how can one really consider another when they are spreading themselves so thin. So much goes into this process of "getting to know you" I don't see how someone is going to feel good about being placed on a back burner while someone else is getting time with the one doing the considering...... & if there are several out there being considered then how is that supposed to play out?




< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 10/9/2007 4:50:53 AM >

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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 5:18:23 AM   
MsVampirella


Posts: 13
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		I think that would depend on the Dominant.  I have been in the lifestyle RL for a little over 2 decades now.  My last SM relationship ended 4 yrs ago and I have still been searching for My one... yet with so many inexperienced subs/slaves and players on alternatives sites (for all the good ones in Real Life seem to be taken already) I have used the "consideration collar" thing as I test those who seem like descent prospects...

Life keeps many busy and time does not always allow a sub to be getting more time than another unless that one seems to be around more often.  I have used this "consideration collar" method online for a while as I let time tell the real worthy ones from those who are just seeking to play.  I have told each of them about the others....so as not to stir any trouble or bad feelings.  There are some I have not yet had the opportunity to meet in person yet, but being fair and honest, they all know of each other.  It plays out that the one I choose will wear My collar.  The others... if they so wish, they may continue training and I will help them seek a Mistress for them who is worthy, as I am active in communities in different regions of the United States.

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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 6:34:53 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Simply put, it's not the way I do things.  I can see how it would be a great advantage to a Dominant, having more than one under consideration at a time, but I don't think it's to the best interest of the sub(s) in question.  Unless the Dominant is poly and really intends to collar more that one, exactly what position does it leave the submissive who just waits around while the Dominant considers their multiple choices? 
 
 
 
 

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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 7:28:15 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleSeduction

What are Your thoughts on giving more than one sub a consideration collar at the same time?


I don't do "consideration collars" so I'm going to answer you as though you've asked me if I would train more than one person at a time.

I have done this in the past and it worked fine but I had been actively engaged in the BDSM community and on a personal level for about 8 years when I did this. I had time to figure out what was working for me and what was not.

First, I made sure that I only took on the second person after it was clear that the person I was currently training was not going to be continuing with me as anything other than a friend, so we were almost out of the formal training period.

Second, I made sure that everyone in my household got to meet the potential and give me feedback on him. At this time it was me, my husband, one slave and one trainee in question.

Third, I made sure that any training time with the new person would not interfere with any other obligations I had.

Fourth, I made sure to have my other sub and slave around from time to time but I never turned over any aspect of training the new boy to them.

This worked out very well because no one felt ignored or put out. It required a great deal of time management and a deep awareness of what I was hoping to achieve with each person.

Frankly if you are just starting out (to me that means you've been actively involved less than five years) I would not have more than one person to train at any time.

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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 7:49:07 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		From a submissives view, I would not like being in a stable of considerationly collared. Sort of like waiting to be picked for a game of softball, watching them one by one get discarded for whatever reason.

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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 8:25:45 AM   
MamaDomme


Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline 		>>Fast Reply<<

I don't do consideration collars either.  I either am considering someone and trying to get to know them, or I'm not.  And yes, I may consider more than one at any given time, I usually don't make that a habit.  If  I meet someone that I am seriously considering, I like to keep my focus on them and not have outside interests get in the way.

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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 9:31:06 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

From a submissives view, I would not like being in a stable of considerationly collared. Sort of like waiting to be picked for a game of softball, watching them one by one get discarded for whatever reason.


EXACTLY...

it feels real shitty to be picked last or not at all & why I view this whole scenario to be like some pompous ass just being greedy & stringing along a bunch of people until some sort choice is made

Even if this was something like was mentioned earlier, such as poly family... honestly, getting to know someone requires a great deal of time & commitment... not something people should attempt to do with more than one person at a time because details are going to get confused no matter what you try to do. Different people offer unique & very diverse nuances. We all have busy lives & often fall short in that spare time department that we would use toward getting to know someone & if you are trying to wedge in 2, 3 or more people someone is definitiely going to be slighted.. including one's own self.

Too many irons in the fire....



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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 10:34:26 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am poly, and I make it clear that even if I have one dedicated sub, I am going to play with whoever I like.  My submissives have this same option, as long as I know about it first.    For me, having two submissives who get along would be wonderful, but imagine the potential for drama there?  When it works, huzzah.

I don't like the term "consideration" collar, because it implies that the person, and by extension the entire relationship, is on probation.   Commit, or don't.  IMO, a sub is not like that receptionist you've taken on spec for 30 days to see how he/she works out.

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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 10:36:27 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I don't do the "collar of consideration " thing.  If I am corresponding and the potential wants to make some sort of public statement, that is up to them.  I can "consider" all sorts of things, but, to Me, it really doesn't mean much until further commitments are made on both sides. 
Then we move into a "training collar".  This comes with a contract, and I don't offer it without the intent that we should move into a permanent collar barring any major problems. 
Since I have no problems owning more than one slave, I don't have a problem  with more than one training at a time.  But I do not own, per se, long distance.  It is always with the intent of r/t 24/7 live-in.  So I do not offer it lightly.  A training collar is a kind of probationary period (6 months or longer) and the slave is still living out.
Hope that helps...

*Edited to add:  yes, I did use the word "probationary".  This is really a firm time commitment and test on both sides.  It is an opportunity to take My style of relationship to a different level with a strong commitment on both sides and see what shakes out over a period of time with the obligations of ownership and being owned. 

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 10/9/2007 10:46:29 AM >

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They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 10:42:22 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		It would really depend on what else is going on in my life, and where I am at on the spectrum of experience.  I do like the consideration collar idea, but I would give it to only 1 person at a time. before deciding that I would have my friends and Mentors talked to them, and get their assesments of that person.

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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 1:18:18 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold


*Edited to add:  yes, I did use the word "probationary".  This is really a firm time commitment and test on both sides.  It is an opportunity to take My style of relationship to a different level with a strong commitment on both sides and see what shakes out over a period of time with the obligations of ownership and being owned. 


Yes, absolutely!  There always has to be the getting-to-know-you time, but for me, and I think for you too, even during that time a commitment has been made to the relationship.  I guess I feel that "consideration" and "velcro" are viewed synonymously!

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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 1:27:04 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
For those that answered and said this is not appropriate, what if the question is rephrased to remove the collar "symbol" completely.

Should a femdom be able to consider multiple potential submissive partners at once?  Or, if she's "interested" and wants to continue to explore and has told him "I am interestd in you for a potential relationship, but it's not formal yet, I just want you to know of my intent to get to know you," -- should she then stop correspondence, dating, flirting with other submissive men?

What if she's "intersted" in two or more submissives but doesn't know which one is more appropriate. Is she supposed to cut one loose (and possible lose him entirely) and focus on one, even thought it's just preliminary?

Akasha


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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 1:36:13 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


For those that answered and said this is not appropriate, what if the question is rephrased to remove the collar "symbol" completely.

Should a femdom be able to consider multiple potential submissive partners at once?  Or, if she's "interested" and wants to continue to explore and has told him "I am interestd in you for a potential relationship, but it's not formal yet, I just want you to know of my intent to get to know you," -- should she then stop correspondence, dating, flirting with other submissive men?

What if she's "intersted" in two or more submissives but doesn't know which one is more appropriate. Is she supposed to cut one loose (and possible lose him entirely) and focus on one, even thought it's just preliminary?

Akasha



open book... all players are on the same page
If someone (anyone) wishes to keep their options open, see multiple people, then they have to return the sentiment & not impose a restriction upon anyone else in the scenario.

Being a dominant should not equate you being able to play the fiels while subs have to sit around & wait to be called upon... ya know what I mean? We are talking about mature adults who are living, thinking, caring, feeling human beings.



< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 10/9/2007 1:38:37 PM >

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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 3:32:44 PM   
GentleSeduction


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/5/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your thoughts, I have decided not to use them as well, because I do not want them to feel like they are on probation.

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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/9/2007 9:41:32 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


For those that answered and said this is not appropriate, what if the question is rephrased to remove the collar "symbol" completely.

Should a femdom be able to consider multiple potential submissive partners at once?  Or, if she's "interested" and wants to continue to explore and has told him "I am interestd in you for a potential relationship, but it's not formal yet, I just want you to know of my intent to get to know you," -- should she then stop correspondence, dating, flirting with other submissive men?

What if she's "intersted" in two or more submissives but doesn't know which one is more appropriate. Is she supposed to cut one loose (and possible lose him entirely) and focus on one, even thought it's just preliminary?

Akasha


No, no, and no.  But I make it very clear up front that these are My expectations and that I will not necessarily limit Myself to one boy or girl.  If that doesn't suit them,. they shouldn't be writing to Me in the first place, and once they accept a training collar with contract, they are Mine exclusively.   I am just not their's "exclusively".  I don't share well!  *Smile*
Each person has to create his/Her own situation based upon the ultimate relationship goals and then work honestly within those parameters. 

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They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


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RE: Multiple Consideration Collars - 10/10/2007 5:31:36 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


For those that answered and said this is not appropriate, what if the question is rephrased to remove the collar "symbol" completely.

Should a femdom be able to consider multiple potential submissive partners at once?  Or, if she's "interested" and wants to continue to explore and has told him "I am interestd in you for a potential relationship, but it's not formal yet, I just want you to know of my intent to get to know you," -- should she then stop correspondence, dating, flirting with other submissive men?

What if she's "intersted" in two or more submissives but doesn't know which one is more appropriate. Is she supposed to cut one loose (and possible lose him entirely) and focus on one, even thought it's just preliminary?

Akasha



No.  My reply wasn't intended to make anyone think they should close all of their options.  The OP sounded more to Me like it was a case of someone saying they were putting "consideration" out to more than one, but would be chosing just one.  In the meantime, because the subs were under the label of "consideration" they were basically doing nothing but waiting to see if they were selected.  That was an assumption on My part, and could have possibly been very wrong. 
 
There is no foul in anyone being interested in more than one when making a selection.  It would be silly to think that a person is only going to speak with one prospective at a time, from the very beginning.  However, once the term "collar of consideration" starts getting thrown around, I think We're talking about something that has a bit more substance to it than the occassional flirt. 
 
 
 
 

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AAkasha)
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