domtimothy46176
Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures
Finally..and LaMspeach this is not directed at you...i sense that there is a strong desire on the part of some posters to sweep the issue of abuse of submissives and slaves under the rug. Most of this seems to be coming from Doms and Masters, which confuses the hell out of me, since i thought Doms and Masters were supposed to be protective of women. i am a bit surprised at the "backlash" if it's the right word that has occurred for speaking openly about this problem.
If Doms and Masters were posting about some issue with phoney submissives and slaves, my heart would go out to Them and i'd contribute whatever i could towards helping Them. It is also true that the thread title is used made it readily apparent what the subject matter would be, so if it upset someone, one option was not to read it.
However, those who post and claim abuse is overstated; or claim some submissives and slaves "cry wolf"; or that the presence of abusers on CM is a myth; these people i cannot understand. What are You getting out of Your denial?
pinkpleasures
I don't post much on the abuse threads, but I'll answer your question from my perspective. It's burnout, plain and simple. I can only hear from so many submissives who make the conscious choice to stay with the liar, the cheater, the abuser before I become emotionally drained. I don't know why they make those decisions but it's not my right to forcefully interfere in the exercise of another adult's freewill. I don't think I've become cynical as much as resigned to the fact that, abuse or not, only the victim has the power to change things. I see the question, "Is it abuse?" and I know that if she's posing the question it because she already knows the answer. When she chooses to stay anyway, it dilutes the poignancy of the next querant.
My instinctual protectiveness can be a sword that cuts both ways and there's no point in bleeding out over situations that are beyond my control. My house has always been opened to all those who truly desired to escape abusive situations. I've taken in submissives and vanillas alike but most have chosen to stay and try to "work things out". I try very hard these days to maintain an emotional distance, for my own sake. I don't deny the problem exists but, if cornered, then I would have to say that I've met more who chose to put up with it than those who have chosen to leave and found it difficult.
While I, too, have an understanding of the psychological difficulties that victims have maintaining sufficient sense of self-worth to understand that they are, in fact, being abused through no fault of their own, I also understand how those without that knowledge come to to associate those who remain in abusive situations with "crying wolf". For the uninformed, many victims appear be content with their lot. Afterall, surely no sane person would willingly stay in an abusive situation when the solution is as simple as getting in the car and driving away, right? Just as that statement seems to be common sense, the corollary, that her continued tolerance makes it consensual, seems likewise common sense.
Furthermore, I would would also present for your consideration what I've found to be a generalized difference in problem-solving approaches between the genders. men tend to think in terms of problems and solutions. Problems are resolved through the application of the appropriate solution. It's very neat and tidy and there are generally few, if any, loose ends.
Abuse defies such a simplistic approach, as you know, and is therefore a more difficult concept to internalize. Abused? No problem, leave the asshole. What do you mean you can't leave? Sure you can, get in the car and go. You need a place for you and the kids to stay? No problem, stay with us or here's the address for the local shelter. What do you mean it's not that simple? How complicated can it be? He hits you, you leave. A+B=C, C-B=A.
Deviation from such simple logic can be problematic for many, regardless of educational background, native intelligence, emotional maturity or even personal experience. To really understand why it's not as simple as leaving the situation is a challenge even for some who have personally experienced abuse. How much more difficult can it be for those without such a background?
Timothy
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RE: Abuse: My Last Post On This Topic - 
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