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Chastity - 10/9/2007 10:57:27 AM

FreezeMyKey

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Joined: 10/9/2007
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I am new this and have got it all wrong so far.

I have a very close relationship with my wife whom I love to bits but we don't have any sexual relationship. We are affectionate and hug, kiss and sit together in the vening but nothing more. I have been worried that we have no intimacy and when I try to raise the subject it alwasy ends up as me being unreasonable and I would hate more than anything to be considered by my wife as a man who makes unreasonable demands of her.

I masterbate very regularly and sometimes if I am off of work twice a day but it stops me feeling horny when I am around my wife. I have learnt not to be horny around her as otherwise I get frustrated and horrible which isn't fair.

Rather than chastity which seems to be better enforced as part of a keyholder relationship I have been getting sexual pleasure from abstinance (thats not alcoholic!) forcing myself to go without masterbating and feeling the incredible urge to relase but denying myself for short periods of up to two weeks.

I fantasise about this abstinance being forced upon me by my beautiful wife. I have dreams about her locking me in a plastic cage and my following her every command in order to please her just so that she might release me for a time and allow me to masterbate.

I can't comprehend raising the topic as even the idea of us being intimate seems to upset her, I am not sure if she has no sexual urges or whether they are not for me but in every other way we are happy.

If I said to her that I wanted to enter into chastity with her as the keyholer, I think she would cry or say she didn't know me anymore considering me as a pervert as anything sexual seems to scare her.

I thought about being my own keyholder but the idea of having somebody who permitted you to masterbate makes me quiver and people I have spoken to on the site suggest that it doesn't work. Is there anyone out there who has a remote keyholder through a site like this.

I know my wife can only say NO but I want it to be NO you cant cum, not, No you pervert

What can I do? Any ideas.

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RE: Chastity - 10/9/2007 11:00:10 AM

littlesarbonn

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Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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Wow. I'll be honest. I haven't a clue on this one. I can't even imagine marrying someone who didn't want desire sexual intimacy with me. Good luck.

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RE: Chastity - 10/9/2007 11:18:06 AM

toservez

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Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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My question would be is this a true fantasy of yours or one brought out of necessity to hide a very real and very serious problem in your relationship?

As you refer in your own post your wife clearly has no intention of wanting to deal with intimacy on a sexual level. Certainly any type of chastity goes in that area and you have already mentioned what you thought the effects would be if you try with her. There just are not short cuts to deal with the issue you have to deal with.

I know it is difficult but at some point you are going to have to directly deal with the actual issue with your wife. Whether she is truly just asexual or has some significant issues blocking her from sexual intimacy both people in a relationship going through it need to be honest with themselves and each other. Sexual needs are real and not shallow. Both of you need to work on this issue and then maybe go into the fulfilling of fantasies if it works out and the direction goes in that area.

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RE: Chastity - 10/9/2007 11:26:44 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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Well, I see that you just joined the site today and you have nothing written in your prfoile. So I am going to take a wild guess here.
You do not have anything that approaches a D/s or M./s style of relationship. You do not have any BDSM activiites incorporated into your day to day life with your wife. In other words, this is all in your head. You have a fantasy about being put into chastity by her, because you do not have any sexual relationship. This is a way to justify the lack of sex and make it more satisfying, maybe even a little bit exciting, for you.
Has your marriage always been without sex? How long have you been married?
You need to speak to your wife about this. Rather than ask her to place you in chastity and live with the fear of being called a pervert, talk to her about her feelings and her lack of need. If she is open about this and you are open about this, then it might be easier to offer this as a potential solution after you have aired out the actual problem. Just approach her in the most non-pthreatening way possible.
Professional help might also be in order.
Good luck.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 10/9/2007 11:30:41 AM >

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RE: Chastity - 10/9/2007 5:25:38 PM

HottLicks

Posts: 174
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You're right. You know her better than we can. If you think she will say that and think you are a perv, then she most likely will. You won't get what you want. Although, you could tell her that a chastity situation would get her off legitimately... lol... but she is already getting what she wants without the kink.

If the evening cuddles and semblance of a good life together is enough, go ahead and stay. If you are looking for a quick fix... good luck... you might consider a professional domme. You might want to address this before your wife finds out about your account here.

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RE: Chastity - 10/9/2007 9:14:10 PM

Silky918

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The other posters have given you excellent advice. Chastity isn't something to just spring on your wife to please yourself. If you try it that way, I can just about guarantee she will react badly.

Fix the other problems first.

S

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RE: Chastity - 11/26/2007 7:25:12 AM

sumisotico

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this all sounds like its me you're talkin about ...but the update is lisa died end of june,

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RE: Chastity - 11/26/2007 7:52:43 AM

thetammyjo

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Honestly it sounds to me that you two need to see a marriage counselor or sex therapist. Such a person can be more objective and guide you both to discussing the issues in a positive way and coming up with solutions that are helpful and beneficial to both of you.

Bringing up chastity play isn't a solution really because it does not address the problem which is either mismatched sex drives or lack of desire for her -- which could be a sign that there are issues from her past being replayed over and over today. If it's mismatched sex drives they you have to work on a solution that does not require more sex from the lower drive person but allows the higher drive person to have outlets in my opinion.

I have a much higher sex drive than my husband, always have, and that is part of the reason we are poly. I also have a higher sex drive than my slave though with as much stress as I've had in graduate school it hasn't been much an issue between the two of them. It is NOT a solution for the majority of people raised in a monogamous focused culture however.

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RE: Chastity - 11/26/2007 7:54:17 AM

stockingluvr54

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you guys need to sit down and have a very very long in-depth talk.....

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RE: Chastity - 11/26/2007 10:22:39 PM

Ecossaise

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Freeze... what everyone else said. Your fantasies apart, the basic problem between you and your wife is one of not being able to communicate. One thing you will find out very quickly about people into the lifestyle catered for on collarme.com is that communication between lifestyle partners is essential. We know our servants and Mistresses intimately, and if we do not that is usually because we are still learning.

I understand what you desire is very big in your life at present. This is because there are other things which are lacking. All the advice you have received so far is good, and it does come down to that one basic thing - communication. Work on that, get that right, and who knows what you will find at the rainbow's end.

Best of luck to you.

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RE: Chastity - 11/27/2007 7:31:52 AM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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1st, do you know why your wife has no sex drive, or at least none toward you?

2nd, if you can't talk to your wife, I suggest marriage counceling. Therapists really can help.

3rd, if you're not in a relationship that's healthy for you, you might need to reevaluate the relationship.

All those taken care of, THEN worry about kink, chastity and keyholders.

Master Fire

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