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RE: Honestly, where do you draw the line? - 10/10/2007 1:49:11 AM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		I love what you said Celeste43. I am giggling. Wise words so cleverly said.



(in reply to Celeste43)
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RE: Honestly, where do you draw the line? - 10/10/2007 2:19:44 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		When i would get such requests, rather than be offended or upset, i would simply ask if they were looking for a story as erotica or what did they wish to learn about me.  Frankly most of them were asking for compatibility reasons not to get more wank material.  Although there certainly were those who were just looking for wank material.  Those were the ones who wrote back that my 'fantasy' didn't have enough details....

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RE: Honestly, where do you draw the line? - 10/10/2007 2:25:47 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		"A few weeks" isn't a short time if you're having regular correspondence.  I generally will want them to actually talk to me rather than giving them a story, but I'm not opposed to talking about sex as long as it's not within the first few emails.  It is afterall, a sex personal site.  To each his/her own though, whether it's "normal" or not isn't really relevant or definable, whether you are comfortable and it's something you want is.
l

(in reply to eyesopened)
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RE: Honestly, where do you draw the line? - 10/10/2007 10:01:27 AM   
unsung


Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline 		In response to all the insight provided, the results of taking your advice or not and applying it.  This morning I expressed my concern about being nervous meeting this man for an entire weekend in a hotel when in fact we 'have never met in person', expressing that I was not at comfort 'jumping in with both feet', that I would be in his city on the weekend and was more than willing to meet at a public place that happens to be a lifestyle event.  He seemingly agreed temporarily and asked for the wanking story from me that he could make come real if I wished.  I am sure he could although at this time redundant.  Then asked me if I had been masturbating thinking of him, as when people are apart 'masturbation is something we do'.  My thoughts were 'we have not even been together'.  So he ended the correspondence with me stating that 'the ONE that would be would know without question or concern, and that obviously I was not for him and him not for me'.

So where do you draw the line? 
Red flag # 1: day 3 being told I would not question his validity as a Dominant

Oh there were others, and I don't discredit him as a Dominant, I just don't believe his tactics were a class act.  For someone he will be.......... but not for me.

Again thank you everyone for your feedback.

CutieMouse: I want to respond to this that you pointed out in my profile....

"He is understanding enough to know that life's realities do exist beyond fantasies, and that fantasies do have the power to become reality with the foundation of trust and mutual respect."

The essence of that statement and what makes it work is in the last part of the sentence, not the first (the first keeps the focus of fantasy in reality to developing a bond).  It is drawing the line between developing a relationship and then traversing further into our desires if in fact the foundation of trust and mutual respect are attained.  The focus is that later part of the statement not the first.  If in fact the interpretation is on the first part, obviously I am going to have the same question of the dominant that I have posed in my question to this board. Call it a trick statement if you wish, it is a play on words and a method in which to see if someone is really insync with what I seek.  Part of my screening process if I may, and I can.

LA:  I will discard your comments because they are based on purely assumption, and are far from an accurate statement or assessment.  But somehow do find the heart to say thanks for them anyhow.


< Message edited by unsung -- 10/10/2007 10:16:41 AM >

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RE: Honestly, where do you draw the line? - 10/10/2007 10:23:31 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		You need to look at more than just sex to have a good relationship. At the same time, we come here looking for sex of certain odd sorts-so it can get a bit confusing.

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RE: Honestly, where do you draw the line? - 10/10/2007 10:29:00 AM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline 		You draw the line where your line is, and where you feel comfortable for it to be.

I am sure there are submissives who are thrilled to be asked for their fantasies right off the bat, and many who want to establish the communication, and connection before things go sexual. The only right answer is what feels right to you.

(in reply to unsung)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Honestly, where do you draw the line? - 10/10/2007 10:46:44 AM   
unsung


Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline 		lauren, I could not agree more with what you have stated.  I however have an issue with developing a framework from online and then attempting to draw this out in the real world.  In many regards the 2 don't mesh very well, false expectations, external influences, quirks that were unspoken because they were possibly deemed as redundant, etc.  We take a chance exchanging ideas, thoughts, our personal lives to strangers on the Internet.   This is something that my tolerance level has come to a minimal at accepting. 

I am tired of Dominants that want ownership of me, that have not taken the time to get to know me (phk me first and then learn about me later: don't think so). For 19 out of 20 dominants I have talked to, I am know for fact none know my full name or anything about the last 45 years of my life.  There is something real quite odd in that especially when a said dominant is supposedly interested in a power exchange, don't you think?

Some submissives can and may prefer to layout their lives and fantasies without reciprocation, and that is fine......... however that is not the way I chose to conduct myself while looking for a D/s dynamic that has the elements I seek.  To each their own.

< Message edited by unsung -- 10/10/2007 10:47:42 AM >

(in reply to lauren0221)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Honestly, where do you draw the line? - 10/10/2007 10:57:46 AM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline 		And I agree with you unsung. Going from online to real life can be an enormous, eye-opening challenge. I do my best to be who I am online, and handle online contacts pretty much how I would handle real life ones. I would not respond to someone who wanted to know my deepest, darkest sexual fantasies in real life before they bothered to get to know me, and I am not inclined to do that online either

(in reply to unsung)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Honestly, where do you draw the line? - 10/10/2007 12:16:43 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

This morning I expressed my concern about being nervous meeting this man for an entire weekend in a hotel when in fact we 'have never met in person'


Danger, Will Robinson!!!

I never, ever even entertain the idea of spending any time with someone in private without having met them prior in a public environment. You were right to feel  wrong about the situation.


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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

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RE: Honestly, where do you draw the line? - 10/10/2007 12:21:36 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I always find it funny when people who put up a personal ad on a sex site get offended by others asking them sexual questions. You have to expect this as a result.


Do I expect it? Sure. Do I appreciate it? No.

To be honest, I get more explicit sexual innuendo on Myspace than I do here. I blame the internet.

As for this being a sex site.... well, this might be semantic noise, but not necessarily. Alternative sexuality is part of the mix, but this community isn't exclusively sex oriented. There's plenty of people that engage in BDSM activity without anything ever happening with naughty bits.

Either way, I still find excessively forward overtures to be in poor taste. But I have a pretty effective remedy  for that, it's called delete.


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 30
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