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relocated slaves - 10/10/2007 7:00:03 AM

velvetteardrops

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/31/2004
From: india
Status: offline

would like to hear from fellow submissives who have had to leave their countries/careers/loved ones in order to serve TPE?
im keen to know more on this topic, as im contemplating such a possibility for myself in the near future.

many thanks!

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RE: relocated slaves - 10/10/2007 7:09:52 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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well, honestly parts of it were good and parts of it sucked.

you already know the good parts, i am sure that has been dancing in your head so let me share the darker part.

you are cut off from your support system, freinds family.

you dont have the familiarity of the things you are used to for grounding , the ocean, a favoritie forrest, your favorite coffee shop ect.

and honestly you dont really know the guy, and how he acts other then online or on your brief week long vacations....online he can create a persona, but it is only one aspect, and you may not like who he is in buisness or with his family.

he has the bennifit of friends and family, so his world can be pretty forified and stable and you will need to like them as well, to blend seamlessly into his life.

if and when you do have kids it is heart breaking to not be closer to family in many cases.

it is very stressful to become a TPE sub or a slave you are suddenly with out many of the things you took for granted, ie, money in your pocket, when to go to the bathroom, when to go to sleep, sleeping on the floor ect...it takes a period of adjustment.... and studies show that moving and uprooting is one of the most stressfull things we do in life.....so you could be in a state of shock for a good 6 months....mine was about a year.

you cant leave his home, you dont know any one and if things get bad you have no where to go, there are always shelters and what have you, but you are a stranger in a strange land

and will you work? are you allowed? what does that look like?

now please note i am not saying these things will happen just that they could and you should give them some thought too.

i loved my former owner and i still do, and although he was kind, patient and loving it still definatly shock to my system becoming his TPE slave.

if i ever were to relocate again ( ahard limit) this is what i would do

have my own apt
have my career dialed in in the new place
spend time and take note of how the person handled stress and anger in little glimses on the phone
immediatly become active in the local commuinty (and this is just my opinion) be wary of a Dom that seems repulsed by the community
find out his stand on kids, poly, career, before going anywhere
what are his life goals, one year, five year , 20 year?
how is money flowing in and out of his life, is it the same as mine?
go slowly into TPE, allow it to be a beutiful progression, each thing you give to him a rite of passage, he should not get all your rights from the get go...(again only my opinion)

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 10/10/2007 7:33:24 AM >

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RE: relocated slaves - 10/10/2007 7:20:22 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
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He dips His lid;

Nice quick reply crouching. Covers all, it's always hard to take your blinkers off- particularly if you consent to the 'supposed One' placing them permanently when in the 'fantasy lust' stage.

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RE: relocated slaves - 10/10/2007 7:32:14 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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I am not a submissive but I hope you don't mind my putting my two cents in.

I cannot relocate...or choose not to...because I have spent a quarter century establishing my practice. This is one reason why I have sought out submissives who were willing to relocate and have done my best in talking to them just how really willing they were. It IS a change from what they have been used to...that is a given.

I would think that part of the way to make things easier in relocation would be the dominant being willing to do all he can to make the submissive feel welcome in his area, paying more attention to her, helping her find work, and making sure that she has all access available to family and friends left "back home".

It is not easy but there again, let's be honest...neither is finding a mate close to home. If we could all do that, then would it not be wonderful? But, if it could be done all the time, it would be. And this is something that I would hope that those who state that they are willing to relocate would factor into their decision. Not only the fact that they have not found a partner close to home...hence one reason why they are seeking in a deeper pool...but that there IS going to be realistic difficulties in making the choice to go.

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RE: relocated slaves - 10/10/2007 7:33:01 AM

velvetteardrops

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/31/2004
From: india
Status: offline

in my case im a male from india, but i suppose the same rules apply :)

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RE: relocated slaves - 10/10/2007 7:34:29 AM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
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Hmm... how about from the otherside of things?

I am a Domme with a poly household, and a 10 year old son. I packed us up, and moved us all to be close to my new slave. Mind you I have wanted to move back to this area for a while.. but this kicked me in the ass enough to *do it now* My girl had to stay behind 150 miles away to deal with work for a month until her boss can move a home office, or replace her.

It was.. and still is a *huge* leap of faith. I truly love him ~ that madly, deeply to the tips of my toes kind of love... so I took that leap. I left friends, family, a job of many years. My sons school, his friends... my secondary sub is still down there. He may visit me here. I had to follow my heart. Thankfuly my girl loves me soooooooo much she trusts my decisions ~ and is willing to follow me to the ends of the earth, and to welcome those whom I bring into our family.

Personaly we moved very quickly.. but we have spent a fair amount of time together and getting to know one another. Trips back and forth.

If you are concidering a "Big Move" I reconmend a lot of talking on the phone, and in person. Spend some weeks together. If you can not get comfortable enough with them to brush your teeth while they pee in the morning dont move.
( at least that was my Grandmothers sole marriage advice... "Honey, never marry a man you cant pee in front of while he brushes his teeth in the mornings, it will never work" She was always sooo practical.

Just dont rush it.. if it is ment to be the realtionship will not cool off if it is given time.

I hope this helps,

Gwyn

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RE: relocated slaves - 10/10/2007 7:56:28 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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Another Domme perspective, since I relocated out here to be closer to Angel among other reasons.
Before I moved, I made sure I had a job lined up (I had my transfer set in stone 2 months before I left) If you are allowed or expected to work, you might want to take care of this as much as possible before you go. Along with getting used to a new place, and a new person, a job hunt is a lot of stress.

I also had Angel help me find an apartment. Going straight from online and phone conversations to living together is usually not a good idea . Even if it is a short lease, 6 months to get used to spending more time together while still being able to get away from one another when you need to helps a lot.

I made sure I visited several times before I made up my mind, becasue you have to like the city as much as you do the person. When I relocated for my now exhusband, I hated Cincinnati but I went becasue I wanted to be with him. Being miserable in the area lent to being unhappy at home and caused more stress than was necessary.

Its all about making sure stress doesnt ruin things before they have a chance to take off. When I first moved out here, Angels school schedule made it nearly impossible for us to see one another. The stress of separation constantly nearly drove us apart. It would have been worse had we been living together and he had to ignore me and his duties to do his work. We worked around it. The important part is not togo in expecting all peaches and cream. You will have stress, you will not necessarily get along as well whe you are together ALL the time as you did even on vacations. You will have alot to get used to, and it might not always be easy. Nothing worth doing is, though.

Good luck, if this is what you want. If you both work at it, it should be wonderful.
DV

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RE: relocated slaves - 10/10/2007 8:33:47 AM

toservez

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Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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I have twice moved to a different state. Once with my former Master and to move to my current Master just a few months ago. Now I have moved frequently, including to this country, in my life so certain aspects like uprooting of a social life is never easy but not a huge worry as time and effort always makes that good again.

Certainly there is a stress of moving to someplace you are unfamiliar with and do not know anybody but your other is a jolt to the system. I do not think I relate to people who have lived primarily in one place for most of their life but for me the stress comes more from leaving what I like friends and job then fearing of the new place.

As Crounchingtigress mentions, moving someplace to be in a TPE and creating a fictional version of yourself should be avoided. The same rules apply as with a normal move or normal relationship. Have money, a contingency plan and unless you have a career, money, few obligations and attitude that can handle a fast this is not going to work situation. Also while there are people this does work out it has to be a small minority, if you have not been in real time life together a significant amount of time then you are for all purposes just picking a name out of the phone book to shack up with. One of the big things that my Master and I did was spend a lot of time together during good old boring work days for both of us. We purposely made sure to have many more ordinary days together then to treat each visit like it was a special occasion. We all wear masks of some nature to want to put our best foot forward. Until both know those masks are completely off I would not think to ever uproot my life.

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RE: relocated slaves - 10/10/2007 8:47:35 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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maybe y ou should just get mail order doms dommes or subs lol it could work

you never want to or do anything that puts your life in a recovery mode or play reorgainized your self because of a failed relationship. In the past I have rushed with out thinking let my body do the talking not my mind. in those times i got burned.
now i take everything with a grain of salt I will not move unless someone puts up half investment. that to me proves partnership
after all it is team thing not a individual thing

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RE: relocated slaves - 10/10/2007 12:22:31 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
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~fast reply~

the question confuses me, actually. why? because i've never had a hometown. i've had "home base" which is where my grandmothers lived, but my father was in the military and we relocated every 2-3 years on average. then i married a military guy...and with wolf have continued to move.

we've been 12 and a half years in this city, and its mostly comfortable, but its not anywhere near feeling "oh i cant stand to move again!!"

kitten, who has just completed another move....

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