tinkJH -> RE: Outside the bedroom... (7/29/2005 5:51:32 AM)
|
I have to agree. There is a difference in self defence and murder, that is why one can send you to jail and once will not. Master has as much control of me in the bedroom as he does outside it. The only thing we limit to the bedroom is sceneing. 1) I would kill for my Master. In defense. To protect him or myself or my children if any of us were ever threatened, just like any other person in the world would. I wouldnt need to wait and act upon a command. Protection and Survival are natural instincts. I trust my instincts and rely on them. Would I walk across the street and kill the neighbor? No, that is just assinine and I know Master would not ask that. Would I kill someone trying to break into our house? If the situation lead me to no other choice and Master said, Yes. But I know he would only tell me so if he was not able himself. 2) Master does not tell me what to think, I am allowed my own thoughts, not that he could actually stop me from thinking something. He just prevents me from voicing the thought. There are many things that will come up, and he will just look at me, and I know I am to keep my mouth shut. I am very opinionated, and I love debate, blame my mother. I like to argue and to discuss things. Just the way I am. Master could never actually control the way I think or what to think - but he can stop me from voicing my opinion and he can impose me to voice his opinion. 3) I am not micro managed. Master controls what he wants of me, but he doesn't control everything. That is not to say I would not allow him to. It would be quite difficult. To be controlled in every way would mean from how I walk to how I brush my teeth, use the bathroom, take a shower, get dressed, cleaning up the house... litterally everything. I don't know if it is something that Master has ever wanted, more then likely not. But, It wouldnt work very well with me anyway. I am a perfectionist, a clean freak and to me.. everything has a place and should be exactly in that place. It is hard to explain. I can spend 10 minutes making sure the coffee table is exactly 12 inches away from the sofa. If it looks the fraction of the inch off during the day - I stop and fix it. If Master says "Leave it, and come here" I will actually begin to panic. I have issues cleaning the bathroom, it doesn't seem clean enough to me. I can use half a bottle of clean, the room can be sparking but if there is one discolored patch on the tub (its old, we need it replaced) I feel like I didnt do good enough and will begin crying. Master litterally had to come and physically remove me from the bathroom and assure me I did a wonderful job at cleaning it just because I felt like it wasnt good enough. I cannot even just up and stop something. I have to find a "suitable stopping point" before I can. I can't explain what the suitable stopping point would be. It depends on what I am doing, it just comes into my mind. "Okay I have to do this, I will finish this ___ and do it." Often through the day I end up asking Master "Can I find a stopping point" before preforming a task he will ask me. Most of the time it is a yes, unless it is something he needs done right then and there. I do it. But then when I return to what I was doing previously, I end up feeling lost and disarrayed at what I had been doing. So many things have to be done "my way" but on Master's terms. Such as - I have to have the kitchen clean by 10am. Okay - but I do the dishes, then clean counters, then sweep and mop. If he wanted me to clean counters, then sweep, then dishes.. I could, and I would, but I would panic. Its hard to explain. Luckily, Master is kinda enough to allow me to do my chores and the things he asks in a pattern I feel comfortable with. But, he does change it. I got in trouble last week - Master came home early from work, at 9, I had only been up maybe 45 minutes. In the morning I am to send him a TM, get cleaned up, and dressed. Not a big deal. I usually get up, lay in bed for 15 minutes waking up, then actually get up - get breakfast ready, and then at 9 my day starts. Well, not that day. Master got home before my day started, I got scolded for not sending the TM and not yet being cleaned up and dressed. So, I had to rearrange my day - to where I wake up, TM, make breakfast and get cleaned up and dressed. I felt lost and panicy for a good four days. So, Master could Mirco Manage me... He could control every little thing I do and the way that I do it... but it would cause so much emotional distress in me, that it certinly would cause more harm then good.
|
|
|
|