Bobkgin
Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
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And how did the first of the "experts" learn when there were no experts before him/her?
I liked this question and thought it was important enough to address.
Thank you.
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Not everyone learns best by example and doing.. some will actually do much better on their own without a teacher. There is room for both 'schools' in BDSM.
Perhaps, but very clearly there isn't room for both in a public forum on BDSM.
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Very little of the activities in which we engage were originated within the BDSM community itself. The 'experts' are our mothers and fathers out in the vanilla world. They learned by trial and error. Many of us continue to learn by trial and error, but to have venues where such is taught so you don't have to waste an unrenewable commodity like time, is very much appreciated by a wide variety of people.
My SOs and I never thought it a waste of our time to explore and experiment, Bita.
We found it fun and exciting.
Those who run off to "experts" miss out on that self-reliance. They do not build up their confidence to explore and experiment for themselves without the experience of it.
BDSM is not rocket-science.
If it starts with a relationship where there is love and eagerness and intelligence and a willingness to communicate, then it is a simple matter of experimenting and exploring to find those acitivities that are safe and exciting.
Building on what was learned, incrementally, intelligently, always enhancing the love, eagerness and willingness to communicate, new activities can be developed.
In this way I have more than 7500 hours of bondage experience, probably pushing closer to 10000 over the past 25+ years.
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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
I see nothing wrong with making a claim of expertise if it can be backed up.
Can't be done unless face-to-face.
Anything anyone writes can be plagiarized from the internet.
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Too, I think if one has proven themselves expert to the vast majority, there is nothing wrong with letting others know, especially if you enjoy teaching and passing the knowledge forward.
Vast majority of who?
And how does proving themselves expert to a vast majority differ from grand-standing?
Again, this favours the public scene where many can witness behaviour versus couples who conduct their bdsm in the privacy of their homes. Is it to be the default position that someone coming out of a 20 year marriage where BDSM was an active part of their lives is not an "expert" because he/she did not demonstrate his/her abilities to a "vast majority"?
What of those who prefer privacy and monogamy? No "expert" label for them, it seems.
This is a fundamental division in the way people approach bdsm, and one side is setting up standards manifestly prejudicial to the way the other side learns their bdsm.
It is almost a way of coercing people who dislike the public scene to engage in it anyway just to get the credentials.
Which is stupid, and I seriously doubt it convinces anyone to engage in the public scene if they do not wish to. They simply shrug their shoulders at the standard and continue on their way.
And once again those who claim learning from "experts" to be superior are caught in the logic loop that there must always have been experts because no one who learns their bdsm as I've described can be an "expert".
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I've found a lot of people who I would certainly deem 'expert' to be somewhat humble about their expertise, but I think it's a mistake to be sooo very humble that you are afraid to speak up about it. Confidence in your own knowledge has the potential to gather others to you and for a teacher, that's vital. It's requires something of a balance to be able to simply state the facts of your expertise without being either too humble or too grand-standing.
And then there are those of us who have no interest wasting our time teaching our talents to a bunch of strangers.
First, there is the risk of someone trying to apply what you teach and bungling it, injuring someone in the process. No thanks. I don't need to create that risk.
Then there are the yahoos who say "Hey, you aren't an expert, you didn't learn from anybody." 
What it boils down to is that those seeking ego-gratification can't understand those of us who do not. Teaching is ego-stroking. It's not about fear of expressing ourselves. It's about why bother?
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People into BDSM don't, necessarily, invent, we twist up and kink what's already been invented.
Or its about saying "Hey, I've got rope. If I tie your ankles thus and tie your hands thus I can overload your senses with pleasure and you won't be able to stop me and we'll see how long we can go and what happens along the way. Tell me if it hurts anywhere."
That's how it started for me. Just a simple act of love-making enhanced with a bit of rope, a few knots, and a bed.
Footnote:
When I first arrived here, I announced my departure from these forums due to the all-too familiar dynamic. I said that should I continue posting there'd be trouble.
I think it safe to say I've proven that prediction true, though I'd have been happy to find it disproven.
So I will leave these forums for the last time to the public scene 'experts' and whomever they tolerate.
"From where do experts hail?"
The same place they go when they are done with you: home.
Good luck with whatever it is you seek.
< Message edited by Bobkgin -- 10/13/2007 5:46:18 AM >
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