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RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 6:27:33 PM   
Owner59


Posts: 17033
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Dirty Jersey
Status: offline 		Become Gandhi.

I also like Katy`s replies.

_____________________________

"As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals"

President Obama

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 7:36:26 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		All good advice and thanks for the support. I've done a little more pondering and figured out some things. I am a firm believer that the universe puts people and experiences in our paths for a reason. So there is a reason I'm faced with this situation and I'm really just mad I have to deal with it. I had this wonderful job with great people who all work wonderfully together as a team, a good environment with an owner that really cares about his employees, we get a lot of extra time off, get to wear jeans, no micro-managing, you know-perfect. And then this girl comes along. I'm just mad I have to deal with it and it's not perfect. Bleh

Hopefully by Monday after some rest and entertainment and laughs I'll be in a better space to deal with it.

and if I'm not I'll buy some lemons


(in reply to Owner59)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 8:12:46 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		If that's the atmosphere at your job
a) can I work there?

b) she's going to fall on her face eventually because she won't fit in.

Sit back and watch and if all else fails, I have a friend that worked for a paticularly nasty attorney and she used to put laxative in his coffee.....
l

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 8:17:31 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think that when we hate it is like inviting someone we don't like into our life.  It's giving them power over you, because you spend time thinking about them and their actions.  You are better served by placing your energies elsewhere.


Very well said, Katy.
 
Ultimately, we control how we feel about any given thing. Change your attitude, and you can change your life, TN.
 
Easier said than done, sometimes.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 8:17:35 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

I hate hating. It seems such a terrible waste of energy. There is so much to do that takes time, effort and energy, it seems like a horrible waste of a valuable commodity.  It makes me feel crappy inside to feel so angry and to think such terrible thoughts about someone else. I don't like who I am when I hate.

But I work with this girl who I simply CAN'T STAND! She's extremely rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, lazy, shifty and disrespectful. And I can't do a thing about it.

I know sometimes life gives me lemons, but I don't want lemonade. I want to THROW THEM AT HER!

Suggestions?



"Rise above it" is a common phrase used here, but, let's face it, everyone allows someone to get under their skin.

Anyway, there are ways and means of dealing with people like your girl at work; you could always embarrass her. Set her up; it sounds like she's completely oblivious to what is going on around her, so she'll be very easy to set up. What you'll probably find though, is that beneath the exterior you have a very insecure person on your hands, so be careful not to tip her over the edge. I wouldn't advise setting her up.

My advice: befriend her, genuinely, get to know her, and find out what is going on in her head, and give her some advice.....she sounds very insecure to me and could do with a good friend to point her in the right direction. People are the same the world over; life experiences account for the differences: it sounds to me like she's probably had a few knocks along the way, and is bouncing off the walls like a stray dog.

I've lost count of the amount of people I know who couldn't stand each other and turned out to be best friends after they'd opened up to each other.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 8:29:49 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		From Jack Kornfield's A Path With Heart:

".....picture or imagine that this earth is filled with Buddhas, that every single being you encounter is enlightened, except one---yourself! Imagine that they are all here to teach you. Whoever you encounter is acting as they do solely for your benefit, to provide just the teachings and difficulties you need in order to awaken.
Sense what lessons they offer to you. Inwardly thank them for this. Throughout a day or a week continue to develop the image of enlightened teachers all around you. Notice how it changes your whole perspective on life."


_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 8:38:19 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I agree Level, but sometimes, although rarely, you just have to tell them to fuck off.

l

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 8:42:57 PM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		We all know people like this.  There are a few things you can do depending upon your age and mental development at your work place.
I will sit down and talk with a person I am having problems with first.
That usually resolves he issue.  You will have to find something good about that person and go with it. 
The next thing I would do is lunch.  Get a pizza.  For some reason people seem to be more relaxed when they are eating especially a pizza.
Then if all else fails, just decide if you are going to allow her to dominate you, or you going to allow her to run you off.
If it gets really bad, then report it to you supervisor who probably already knows.
Hating only gives the power back to the person.   You cloud your judgement when you are hating.  It causes your blood pressure to go up.  
That person is not worth the energy you are using to hate her.  
Best of luck.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 8:55:22 PM   
Aceton


Posts: 97
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline 		<--- Solution, and underused smiley. Two birds!

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 9:03:47 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings TNstepsout,
 
i believe as you do that the Universe ,thru our choices, puts people in our path for a reason. i am glad you reached this resolution.
 
 i also believe, unpopularly, that the reason we recognize certain undesirable traits in people is because we have them in ourselves in varying degrees. This are considered our "shadow side". Personally, i would like to think i am not any of the things i dislike in others and i work to keep my shadow side under control, but i know that the only difference between me and someone with a quality i recognize and do not like, is that i choose not to exhibit or nuture the behavior.
 
As with everything, there are exceptions and i am not speaking of extremes...just general human behaviors~
 
Anyway, i still like laurell3's idea of picturing them naked in really bad frayed underwear

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: When We Hate - 10/13/2007 4:51:17 AM   
Crush


Posts: 1031
Status: offline 		Well,
I'd suggest one of the following approaches:

1) "Ohmmmmmmmmmm.  Ohhhmmmmmmmmmm." 
Kharma will take care of her, eventually.   Just do your best and try to find something of value in the airhead.  Works for me most every time.   Better to make an enemy into an ally, if nothing more.

2) Seek revenge the old fashioned way
Check out Revenge Lady at http://www.revengelady.com/ 

3) Read, deeply "Sun Tzu - The Art of War" and determine how best to proceed.

4) Or just take a deep breath and enjoy your day.  Always bumps along the way of life.

5) IF you are a masochist, try to fit it into your psyche as mental abuse ;)

6) Find her a better job....someplace else!    Worked for me when I had a employee I had to tread carefully when I wanted to fire him....I saw lawsuits in my future.    So I just managed to leave the want ads and website links laying around the coffee room...and he left for one of those very jobs.

7) Remember the "good old times" like the rest of us old timers.   When children were polite, when people drove with repect for one another, etc, etc.  Just live in the past :)

Hope one of them helps!

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: When We Hate - 10/13/2007 4:53:42 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		i dont know many employers that allow cell phones on the company clock

(in reply to Crush)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: When We Hate - 10/13/2007 5:38:43 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Practice being the bigger person.  At my part-time job there is a lot of gossip.  I stear clear of it.  I  go in, I smile, I do the work to the best of my ability, and I leave.  I don't get caught up in the drama.  At my last performance review I was thanked by my supervisor for not participating in the gossip.  It isn't always easy to work and smile and let it go, but remember, you can be the bigger person.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: When We Hate - 10/13/2007 5:51:58 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		I worked with a younger woman who just drove me nuts, I intensely disliked her and yes it made me feel awful inside. I don't like disliking or not being able to get along with someone.She disliked me with the same intensity so it made for interesting shifts together, ugh. Once I started to analyze it I realised I felt inadaquate around her even though I was the more knowledgable employee she got the verbal accolades. I studied when and how we reacted, what specific things made us clash and I tried to change my automatic reaction which would start hers up.I focused on things in a different way, ack my dom just logged on lol.So fast fast, I worked at it for awhile and things really did change. Turns out she was intimidated by me!!

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: When We Hate - 10/13/2007 6:27:27 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I agree Level, but sometimes, although rarely, you just have to tell them to fuck off.

l


Yes, a great big "fuck off!" works occasionally. Or makes one feel better.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: When We Hate - 10/13/2007 6:31:41 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		 

Setting the girl up is a bad idea, IMO.

The answer is quite easy; re-read all jobs descriptions ad nausean. as long as each worker is following it- then there isnt too much there except a personalty thing.

My guess is the new one is not performing her job duties- and if this is not spelled out in the job description, then you should ask management for the updated job description,  if that doesnt fix it- then managemant has failed.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: When We Hate - 10/14/2007 7:24:08 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy



Setting the girl up is a bad idea, IMO.

The answer is quite easy; re-read all jobs descriptions ad nausean. as long as each worker is following it- then there isnt too much there except a personalty thing.

My guess is the new one is not performing her job duties- and if this is not spelled out in the job description, then you should ask management for the updated job description,  if that doesnt fix it- then managemant has failed.


Yes I agree, setting her up is a bad idea. I'm not devious enough for that sort of thing and it always ends up backfiring. I don't think the universe supports that kind of behavior from me.

As far as job descriptions go, we don't have any. This company, despite being a great place to work, is very lax in written job descriptions and policy and procedure. It's irritating.

But it's the weekend and I'm feeling a lot better about the whole thing anyway.

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: When We Hate - 10/14/2007 7:39:06 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		There will always be favoritism in the workplace.  This situation has happened to me several times. i just focus on my job and forget about them. In one case i was actually friends with this girl - who the boss obviously favored and we laughed about it together and i used to rib her all the time.  In the end this is a job not your social life and does it really matter shes not pulling her weight as long as it doesn't impinge in you?  No one said life is fair, unfortunately. 

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: When We Hate - 10/14/2007 7:51:14 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

I did not include details of her trangressions because they are pretty much irrelevent to the advice I was seeking. The problem is mine to deal with. I can't change her. I can only change how I deal with her, so I was hoping for some tips. So far my favorites are rocks in the lemons and lemonade to the eyes. I'm certain if I lemonaded her eyes she would be out for a few days and in the meantime the boss would figure out what a crappy job she's really doing.

Does she make me feel inferior? Well it's a little more complicated than that. There is a weird dynamic between she and my boss. She's young, 22 and the boss is an older woman that never had children and I think there's a mothing/nurturing thing going on. She kind of protects her and really lets her get by with things that she would never let the rest of us do. So really the problem is my boss. But damn, other than this one thing I really like my boss.

Honsoku- this is complicated since I avoid her whenever possible. What she seems to want most is to not work and spend all day on the computer and her cell phone and chatting with other employees. But I think I see your point. Basically you are saying to manipulate the situation to become an ally and then use that to my advantage.


With what you described here.. she will eventually hang herself with the boss.  Wait it out.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: When We Hate - 10/14/2007 8:00:01 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		fuck the lemonade...add tequila, triplesec, and salt and make margharitas....

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 40
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