My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships - 10/12/2007 5:33:13 PM

Arach

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/1/2004
Status: offline

Under the term “Long Distance Relationship” I am thinking primarily about relationships which are maintained primarily or exclusively through telephone or computer communication. In my 20 years of scene life I have come to realize that what makes or breaks a relationship is communication. If there is poor communication the relationship is not going to feed the needs of all parties. If it does not feed their needs, the relationship will eventually disintegrate.

In this interconnected computer based society in which we live, it seems as if we can sit in our study and talk, one on one, with friends from all over the world, and to a great extent we can. But it is profoundly important that we realize it is NOT the same as face to face conversation.

Why is reading a book the second time not the identical experience as reading it the first? Because we, the readers, ADD to the experience. When we read an engaging novel, is it not possible to “see” the action, “hear” the dialogue? When we read a letter from a close personal friend, is it not possible, in fact, is it not USUAL for us to “hear” the voice of our friend who has written the words. I say it is.

We have the same ability when we read the thoughts of a person we have never met coming to us in real time as they type the words. We see them, we hear them, we watch their gesticulation, we cloth them and groom them as we wish, and that is the important part, AS WE WISH.

We have all heard the horror stories of those who portray themselves as something they are not. We all believe, unreasonably as it may be, that we would be able to see through such portrayal to the real person beneath. Perhaps. But I would suggest that when communicating with someone, who may even be worthy of your trust, it is IMPOSSIBLE to see through the fictitious representation of that person WE create simply because we are human.

This computer based form of communication has been with us for decades. But we, as humans, have communicated almost exclusively face to face for millennia and I propose that in real time written conversations what we IMAGINE is all the other parts of communication that is not available to us. Sight; how the person dresses, does he look at me when he talks, what is his body saying, is he giving me his attention or is he doing other things as well? Hearing; what is his intonation, are his thoughts coming clearly or is he hesitating, do I like the sound of his voice, or is he whiny? Smell; touch; every form of communication that tells us, is this a person I can trust, does he attract me?

What must be accepted is that all these forms of communication are so necessary that we automatically fill them in FROM OUR OWN IMMAGINATION. They are NOT coming from the person writing the words you are reading. And in a situation where we truly want this person to be the kind of Dom, Domme, sub or slave that attracts us, we fill them in with all the right answers. It is like giving someone a questionnaire and filling in the answers before giving it to them.

So, what do we see, a series of intense, painful, exciting relationship that flash to the heights of perfection and overwhelming love/worship/adoration only to crash just as quickly into disillusionment and self doubt.

I did it. Had my share of heartache and real world pain from imaginary relationships as I was coming to accept the kinky aspects of my life. Now I have a most delightful slave and we are looking for another. But we know it will take time, understanding, experience and most importantly, communication.