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Do you ever... - 10/13/2007 1:01:28 AM

Action

Posts: 260
Joined: 8/19/2005
From: Cali
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...get messages from what look like the perfect slave and it turns out to be a lemon, dud and just not serious at all. Im slightly noticing a trend, I get some of the cutest boys contacting me, well spoken, verbaly quick, able to keep up with my desires on paper when they send me a message. But when we down to chatting one on one they almost seem not at all serious, I mean still the same boys but its like they lack any true subness in them. Maybe Im being too quick to take charge maybe throwing them off but I only do little things like when one of the boys I spoke to said he'd not done his homework. It flicked a switch in me and I instantly jumped on the fact that just won't do and should do better ect ect.

I don't doubt what I want and who I am at a dom, I guess this thread is more about how many "good" looking prospectives turn out to be duds more times then not and the ones that tend to have not done as well in intrest seem to turn out so much better in the long run. Ironic how my husband spotted this trend before me.

Who here has had similar circumstances, or even better the opposite?

-Lil Miss Action

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RE: Do you ever... - 10/13/2007 4:17:53 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
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Hi
Ive had both. Ive gone as as far as meeting them for a prelininamry drink and then found they are lemons. This was when I first started looking anyway.
For all the lemons I did have 2 were genuine , one is now my partner of a year and the other was my maid for a while but circumstance led to it not working out.
Its so disapointing when you realise they are just player who talk the talk but dont walk the walk, but I find it a lot easier to work them out a lot quicker now. I am completely wary and someone has to really shine out and then follow through with that through several steps froms phone calls to several meets before I will even consider them to be remotely serious. It took my boy almost a year of becoming my friend and getting to know me before I considered him serious enough and the right person for me.
Hang in there I am sure you will find him eventually

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RE: Do you ever... - 10/13/2007 7:00:13 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
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Yes, I've had that happen. Sometimes it seems the more handsome they are, the more slack they think they'll get (or the less experience they have.) But there are also some sincere submissives out there as well, and I don't mind separating the wheat from all the pretty chaff.

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RE: Do you ever... - 10/13/2007 10:34:02 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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There is a difference between talking to someone whom is a fantasy of what we think we want and talking to someone who has the potential to be what we want and finally someone who can become what we want.

Each step along that way results in many people falling by the wayside in my experience.

At the end of course is the person who has become our slave/sub/partner.

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RE: Do you ever... - 10/13/2007 5:26:03 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Unfortunately there are some educated, well-spoken, informed trolls on these sites that don't have all that much interest in a true d/s relationship but have learned to talk the talk to get laid or use people as wank fodder online and don't truly want to explore any further. On the other end of the spectrum are those that have zero sense of self and truly want actual abuse. There often doesn't seem to be a happy middle ground and I don't think what you are experiencing is uncommon.

I do, however, try to start out with regular old vanilla talk instead of assignments and lectures for a prolonged period. Not only does it give them equal ground to be open to share, it let's me get a good sense of who they are and what they are about.
l

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RE: Do you ever... - 10/13/2007 5:43:02 PM

littlesarbonn

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From: Stockton, California
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It kind of goes back to something I've been saying for a long while now. It makes it really hard for any sincere submissive to make a connection because of the amount of players and bad apples who are part of the equation also vying for a woman's attention. I'm somewhat unusual in that I'm really picky about actually getting involved with someone because I really don't want to be someone's "second thought" but to be part of a dynamic that both of us are going to respect.

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RE: Do you ever... - 10/13/2007 5:44:03 PM

laurell3

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Keep being picky, but be very patient.
l

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RE: Do you ever... - 10/13/2007 5:49:39 PM

youngsubgeoff

Posts: 900
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I think this can go both ways. As a sub Ive run across so called "dommes" that really want nothing more than money out of you. just a "pay my bills and then get the hell away from me" type.

Just a matter of digging through the shit to find the gold.

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RE: Do you ever... - 10/13/2007 5:52:01 PM

littlesarbonn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

I think this can go both ways. As a sub Ive run across so called "dommes" that really want nothing more than money out of you. just a "pay my bills and then get the hell away from me" type.

Just a matter of digging through the shit to find the gold.

Yeah, but I rarely even give those type a second thought and make all attempts to avoid lumping them in with the rest of the more serious dominants who are part of our community.

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RE: Do you ever... - 10/13/2007 5:53:12 PM

youngsubgeoff

Posts: 900
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absolutely. just because one or two are like that doesnt mean they all are.

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RE: Do you ever... - 10/13/2007 6:01:07 PM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

It kind of goes back to something I've been saying for a long while now. It makes it really hard for any sincere submissive to make a connection because of the amount of players and bad apples who are part of the equation also vying for a woman's attention. I'm somewhat unusual in that I'm really picky about actually getting involved with someone because I really don't want to be someone's "second thought" but to be part of a dynamic that both of us are going to respect.

ls: I can really relate to what you are saying! It's rough on both ends.
Wish we could make a stamp for their forehead and have it visible only to those in the bdsm community: 'Good service sub', 'appreciative domme', 'Pretender'. 'Ass-wipe', etc. lol

Irish

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RE: Do you ever... - 10/13/2007 6:13:16 PM

LotusSong

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There is no formula for a quick evaluation of someone. It only comes with life experience. In other words, you pay your dues and eventually you recognize what you want. Some things take time and personal experience.

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