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porcelaine -> RE: Getting to know you. (10/14/2007 4:50:08 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: catize
I recently had a brief (over a period of 3 days) e-mail exchange with a man who contacted me here on CM. He is, by his own admission, ‘fairly new to bdsm’.
I’ll skip over the annoyance that despite my insistence that we should get to know each other first he pushed to meet for play.
In the face of that, I asked specific questions about his real time experiences.
For example: “Since you are interested in flogging and fisting, have you ever done either of those things?”
My questions were ignored.
On the third day he again asked when we could play. I reminded him that he had yet to answer what I consider to be important questions.
His response was that he was no longer interested because “I feel like I’m trying out for a Broadway play. I just want to have fun.”
I was relieved in a way and certainly wasn’t upset. I let him have the last word because I doubted he would hear what I had to say.
I want to have fun too! But when it’s my ass on the line, I want to know the risks.
Because I can be rather blunt, I wondered if I might have been able to ask my questions differently; perhaps in a way that would not make him feel that he was being grilled, so to speak.
Any thoughts?
Sometimes the most obvious answer is the one we're refusing to see. There's no mystery from the exchange you've shared, you're just overanalyzing the whole thing in my opinion. You spent three days speaking to him through a virtual medium. Realistically speaking, how much honesty did you hope to glean over that period of time? Heck, you can't be certain that he's even male, but that's another conversation altogether.
Here's the answer short and sweet. He refused to answer your questions because from his standpoint they were moot. He was seeking a playmate, nothing more or less. The specifics of experiences were not discussed because it may have never materialized, or at the bare minimum he'd be certain that your objectives were the same if it should. Spending time wondering if your approach was correct for a situation that warrants little consideration is futile. Be happy he saved you time and keystrokes and devote your energies towards engagements that you can see, feel, and touch. While we hope that everyone will be open and honest, communications of this nature carry a buyer beware stamp that should never be ignored or forgotten.
Best of luck,
porcelaine
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