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dagawdfather -> random jokes (7/29/2005 12:23:36 PM)
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If you masturbate with both hands, is that considered
a ménage a trois?
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A man walks into a brothel and approaches a beautiful
Oriental prostitute and asks? "Is it true Asian women
have vaginas that run sideways?"
"Why?" she asks, "Are you a harmonica player?"
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Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end
of a man's penis?
A: His body.
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Life Is All About Ass
You are either:
covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
trying to get a piece of it,
behaving like one,
or living with one.
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A very proper man started going into the neighbourhood
drug store every week and buying 2 dozen boxes of condoms.
Week after week, he would come in with the same order.
One day, the druggist felt he had to say something to the
man.
"Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about
getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms
a week?"
The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your
pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!"
So, the druggist asked, "Then what do you do with all
those condoms?"
The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my poodle now
she poops in little plastic bags."
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Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was sporting a
blackeye. She asked him what happened.
He replied, "Ma'm, you remember I told you how I sleep
on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well, last night,
my dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and the
he punched me in the face".
"Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help, "the next
time your dad asks you if you're still awake, don't answer,
just lay still and pretend to be asleep."
All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came
to class with another black eye. The teacher asked him why
he didn't follow her advice.
Johnny explained, "Mam, I tried to, when dad asked me if
I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and
pretended to be asleep, but then Dad said "I'm coming'",
and Mom said "I'm coming too", and I didn't want them to
go anywhere without me, so I shouted, 'Let me just put on
my slippers, I'm coming too!' and that's when my dad said,
"you little liar." and he punched me in the face."
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Q: What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A: A power failure.
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