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dagawdfather -> more random jokes (7/29/2005 12:27:04 PM)
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They say not to put all of your eggs in one basket, but
I'll be darned if I am going to roll 12 shopping carts
out of the grocery store!
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"Please remove your blouse and bra," says the doctor to
the young blonde, placing his stethoscope around his
neck. When she is ready, the doc says, "Big breaths."
"Yeth," she replies, "and I'm only thixthteen!"
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Q: What's the major difference between wives and husbands
who are trying to have children?
A: Wives want to videotape the birth of their child.
Husbands want to videotape the conception.
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A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state
capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead, ask me, I know
all of them!"
Her friend said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! W."
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An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband
was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted
to talk. She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were
courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for
a second, then tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on
the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my
neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out
of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
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A new young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned
to help the other monks in copying the old canons and
laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying
from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the head Abbot to question
this, pointing out that if someone made even a small
error in the first copy, it would never be picked up.
In fact, that error would be continued in all subsequent
copies.
The head Abbot says, "We have been copying from the
copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
So, he goes down into the dark caverns underneath the
monastery where the original manuscript is held in a
locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of
years.
Hours go by and nobody has seen the old Abbot.
The young monk gets worried and goes downstairs to look
for him, and finds him banging his head against the wall.
His forehead is all bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old Abbot: "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies: "The correct
word is celebrate and not celebate!"
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Q: What's the best way to get into a sleeping bag?
A: Wake her up first!
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