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NOLAsubmissive -> Want more. Can't get it. How to deal? (10/14/2007 4:16:44 PM)
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With him more than any other, i've developed an incredible, insatiable desire for sex. It has become a constant pattern. Three to five days after we are together, the desire begins to build. Once it begins, it develops at an exponential rate. By day 5, it consumes my thoughts. Hours are spent conjuring up ways to convince him to see me again. Later, when it becomes too much to take physically, so begins the self-gratification. I continue to masturbate, several times a day for days on end, until even that is no longer satisfying. And after an excruciating week of deprivation and hunger, it all goes away. As if the idea of sex was entirely erased from memory, due to the mental exhaustion of thinking of nothing else. After a few days of denial, the ravenous cycle begins again.
It is important to note that sex is not the centerpiece of our meetings. There is bondage, objectification, spanking, orgasm control, the occasional flogging and caning, and most assuredly, an intense D/s dynamic. I relish in the physicality of bdsm. But its the sex that I find myself craving from him.
He agrees to see me about once a month, twice if I'm lucky. He knows I want more. My transparency reveals me. Yet he still denies me, so there is no point in asking for it. I know what the answer will be. I don't know whether he denies me because it amuses him to think of me in this state, because he waits until his appetite for me is sufficiently developed, or because he really does not care at all. The latter being the obvious answer. He's indicated once before that he would not see me at all if he suspected I was seeing another. As such, there is no avenue for release. I wouldn't dare risk it.
How do I avoid developing an unhealthy obsession? Is there such a thing for a submissive who finds her Dominant so appealing? Any advice that would assist me in dealing with the overwhelming desire between meetings would be appreciated.
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