Sharing everything (Full Version)

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MissHope -> Sharing everything (10/14/2007 6:50:20 PM)

                            So looking for input. I share my account with my lover. We agreed I could seek out submissive male in my area. I am part-time pro. I just logged in to see his last search on my account was for submissive females seeking females. I am not seeking a female submissive, nor did we discuss. So now that I have asked him about it he acts like it is no big deal. I am pissed. I do not have sex with my submissives, but I do know my partner would want sex from a female submissive not service. I am soooooo pissed.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Sharing everything (10/14/2007 7:15:44 PM)

Why are you sharing your account?  Right off the bat that is going to make you suspect to anyone that you are approaching, unless you say up front in your posts that this is happening and I am the femme.  Because no one lies on the internet...

Let him get his own account if he is looking for girls.  And if him looking for girls is not a problem for you, fine.



LadyPact -> RE: Sharing everything (10/15/2007 6:04:25 AM)

Sorry, but I don't share My accounts on anything.  Takes away My power.



Celeste43 -> RE: Sharing everything (10/15/2007 7:04:15 AM)

Maybe he isn't planning to do anything, just seeking fantasy material. Lots of guys find girl on girl is hot.



laurell3 -> RE: Sharing everything (10/15/2007 7:05:22 AM)

yeah might have just been wank fodder....maybe talk to him about it, sounds like you're suspicious only at this point.
l



cbtok -> RE: Sharing everything (10/15/2007 1:33:36 PM)

quote:

now that I have asked him about it he acts like it is no big deal.


That alone ought to be a red flag. I disagree with those who are saying it's fantasy only. Sure, it's fantasy—he fantasizes about completely re-working your relationship together. And "acting as if it were no big deal" is called (by psychologists) Rewriting History, which is abusive practice if the person who is doing it has control.

I'm going to assume you are his equal in the relationship. If that's the case, he's trying to top you.
If you are his top, he's trying to get away from the consequences of being busted.
If he is your top, he's abusing your trust and abusing you.

I'm sure there are readers of this commentary who will suggest I'm being too absolutist. I'm not. MissHope you have a relationship issue here the size of all of Texas. The two of you ought to work this issue out in a comfortable space. If that doesn't work and he keeps Rewriting History, then you need to see a counselor because you have the beginnings of a big problem if the two of you stay together.

Your anger is justifiable and justified. And you are angry because you know this is an abuse of your trust. Frankly, I see this as a great test of your relationship. Now you've found something out. Time to take action to get things out in the open about what he expects and what you expect. It's clear to me that you want to trust him but you have been hauled back into distrust by his actions. You need to elicit answers to what he wants and expects out of your relationship together.

LadyPact doesn't share accounts with anyone. And that's probably a good idea. But I do wonder if she has access to the accounts of her submissives. She would not have caught this violation of trust if she didn't.

Time for a long talk.



RosesHaveThorns -> RE: Sharing everything (10/15/2007 1:47:38 PM)

1) He's pretending to be female over the web to cyber? If that is true, then he's sorta being a jerk, at least in my opinion

2) He's...Trying to get you to sleep with a woman indirectly, with no communication? This is one of my pet peeves, to be honest, but I'd still label it not-right behavior if you two haven't discussed it.

3) Just me, or is there a red flag in how you can have a sub and not have sex with them, but you know he can't? Not sure what it means, but if you are assured that he would do it, there is a lack of trust here, especially with using the account in a strange way.



MissHope -> RE: Sharing everything (10/19/2007 4:29:35 PM)

Thanks for everyones input. We have discussed and decided to post a profile as a couple. I have shared I have no interest in having sex with another woman. This was an issue when we first got together. He pushed for me to find "a sister sub" bullshit is what I know now. At the time I was new to the scene. So I am easily excited when this comes up in anyway. I think BDSM type realtionships are more difficult but can be more rewarding then vanilla type. Hanging in for the long haul is the hardest part for me.



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