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mercurialis -> RE: Wannabe subs/slaves pretending to want a Master (11/13/2007 11:16:14 AM)
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Interesting thread, I'd like to just add my 2 cents here based on personal experience.
I believe in giving a bit of common courtesy to anyone who emails me, even those who send me one liners. So no matter who emails me, they will almost always get a polite reply back. A while ago, a dominant from this thread emailed me. He was fairly polite, gave me more than just a one liner to work with, had read my profile...certainly more than enough to give him the same respect in turn. But, it seemed like he had read my profile, but not really understood anything I had said in it. Specifically, three major details about myself: I wasn't able to relocate, my submission had nothing to do with sexual relations, and that I was least interested in serving a random stranger who emails me because he thinks I'd make a good sub, and most interested in those who tried to get to know me as a friend without actually intending to collar me. After a couple of emails it became clear that this person was hoping to eventually own me in a romantic relationship where I would move several states to him.....yet still didn't understand these three dealbreakers, even after I tried to hint about them in my emails. So, I told him that I was perfectly willing to chat with him over emails, but that he had no chance at owning me. Pretty polite, to the point, not trying to dupe this guy or be something I'm not for kicks.
What did I get from this polite dom who talked about respect in this thread?
A few peeved emails starting with how I should rewrite my profile to state what I actually mean, followed a few days later by one surprised I still hadn't followed his directions to rewrite the profile, followed by one sparked by a journal entry that he was the perfect master for me, and if I hadn't set myself up with unneeded limitations, I could to be owned by him.
I hope everyone, including the guy who sent those emails, knows that the first reaction of any sub to a series of emails like that is to run from such a person because they clearly are not the type of "dom" you would want?
Right, its been said before, I'll point it out again. Everyone here deals with the same annoying things, and respect works both ways. Now, I'm not saying he's all in the wrong here. Certainly, unlike other profiles that might state in big bold red letters their dealbreakers, mine actually took common sense and a bit of reading comprehension to figure out. The point is, it does no good to complain about the lack of common respect here if your response to "No thanks" is to harass and whine. So, if you want to approach a sub over email, here's some pointers:
A: Be respectful and polite.
B: Don't get angry. Take a refusal when given and move on.
C: Don't put the other person on the hot seat. Try to introduce yourself in a vanilla fashion, and don't demand they "tell them about yourself." Just get to know them like any other normal person would!
D: Tell the person straight away why you are emailing them.
E: Let the connection, if any, take a normal pace. No one is going to consider someone until they know them, and no one wants to get to know someone just because you want to consider them.
F: If they want you to IM them or email them off collarme, they'll give you their contact info. Don't hound them for it, especially not in the first or second email.
G: We're people too. Understand that and its much easier to make a connection.
H: Don't "demand" or ask the sub to change anything about their profile unless they happen to be your sub.
I could probably lay out a whole alphabet, but those are mostly what come to mind. I'd point out who this person is, but I think there's a rule against that. Just remember not to complain about something if you have a habit of doing it yourself.
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