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so focused on Dom i can't orgasm.... - 10/15/2007 9:49:17 AM

justnewsub

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

I just watned to vent a bit and if anyone has their $0.02 to add i would love to hear...

i love playing with my Dom and i love doing what he likes... as most of us do... i get very aroused by him and when we play... however when it time for me to orgasm, i have a hard time... i have been so focused on him that it is hard for me to then switch my mind to myself.... i have been able to cum for him and they are the best orgasms i have ever had.... but at least 1/2 the time i can't do anything... i have been tempted to fake it, but i don't feel that is fair to him or me....

i get so frustrated with myself... i am afraid i will build up this block and eventually make it so i can't cum or him... i keep trying to tell myself to just relax and enjoy....

gggrrrrr.....

thanks for letting me vent...

just new

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RE: so focused on Dom i can't orgasm.... - 10/15/2007 10:05:07 AM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

Things that work for me:

A) knowing my body, what works and getting to it. Then...doing that over and over again.
B) having a drink and some stimulating/relaxing chit-chat
C) 'Let it go little grasshopper'

'All of life is foreplay, then you get to make-love.'
Irish

(in reply to justnewsub)

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RE: so focused on Dom i can't orgasm.... - 10/15/2007 10:07:32 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

I just watned to vent a bit and if anyone has their $0.02 to add i would love to hear...

i love playing with my Dom and i love doing what he likes... as most of us do... i get very aroused by him and when we play... however when it time for me to orgasm, i have a hard time... i have been so focused on him that it is hard for me to then switch my mind to myself.... i have been able to cum for him and they are the best orgasms i have ever had.... but at least 1/2 the time i can't do anything... i have been tempted to fake it, but i don't feel that is fair to him or me....

i get so frustrated with myself... i am afraid i will build up this block and eventually make it so i can't cum or him... i keep trying to tell myself to just relax and enjoy....

gggrrrrr.....

thanks for letting me vent...

just new

At some time you gotta think of this:

You better get your's, 'cause I damn sure am gonna get mine.

But by and large many women find it a woundrous experience without having to cum all the time.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: so focused on Dom i can't orgasm.... - 10/15/2007 12:28:13 PM

RosesHaveThorns

Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

I, uh, have a similar problem, and this might sound strange, but I think that focusing more on getting off can cause stress and nervousness which isn't going to help. Therefore, keep trying new things, but ask NOT to come each time. Of course, make sure that you enjoy it, (Sometimes, the foreplay is better then the actual oragsm, and the orgasm isn't much fun without the foreplay) but don't get hung up on getting off, and then worrying when it doesn't happen. It might(Probably? Should?) change in the future, but if you focus more on getting off then enjoying it, then you might not be enjoying it as much as you want.

Also: DMFParadox posted some tricks in http://www.collarchat.com/m_1330056/tm.htm I can't personally vouch for these, as I am not a guy nor a dom. However, some might just be fun to do, and trying something new can't hurt.

(Edited to fix link, thanks to mnottertail for pointing that out)

< Message edited by RosesHaveThorns -- 10/15/2007 1:12:13 PM >

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RE: so focused on Dom i can't orgasm.... - 10/15/2007 1:46:44 PM

justnewsub

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

thanks for the tips, i do have to just relax and enjoy the moment. this is still a fairly new relationship so i think another key would be to communicate and let my Dom know that i don't need/want to cum every time... and that just being there for him is really good for me too....

roses, the link still isn't working, thanks for giving a try tho, would be interesting to read some tricks.... ;-)

i've never communicated so much in a realationship and i have to say it is nice to be able to have the freedom to be honest with what turns me on and off.... so glad i made the leap into this lifestyle....

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RE: so focused on Dom i can't orgasm.... - 10/15/2007 1:51:19 PM

RosesHaveThorns

Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
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Well, if the link doesn't work, it's in this forum, labelled 'Cumming'

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RE: so focused on Dom i can't orgasm.... - 10/15/2007 1:52:53 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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take the final period off behind the htm in the browser address window.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: so focused on Dom i can't orgasm.... - 10/15/2007 3:18:31 PM

justnewsub

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
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o.k. thanks guys will look it up...

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RE: so focused on Dom i can't orgasm.... - 10/15/2007 5:18:00 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Don't fake it, don't worry about it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: so focused on Dom i can't orgasm.... - 10/15/2007 5:20:46 PM

SixFootMaster

Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

I just watned to vent a bit and if anyone has their $0.02 to add i would love to hear...

i love playing with my Dom and i love doing what he likes... as most of us do... i get very aroused by him and when we play... however when it time for me to orgasm, i have a hard time... i have been so focused on him that it is hard for me to then switch my mind to myself.... i have been able to cum for him and they are the best orgasms i have ever had.... but at least 1/2 the time i can't do anything... i have been tempted to fake it, but i don't feel that is fair to him or me....

i get so frustrated with myself... i am afraid i will build up this block and eventually make it so i can't cum or him... i keep trying to tell myself to just relax and enjoy....

gggrrrrr.....

thanks for letting me vent...

just new

Is it important to you to cum? Or are you trying to please him by doing so? Let him take the lead and relax, if he wants you to cum he will ensure it happens, if that isn't his focus then fretting is just wasting time you could be enjoying him. It sounds to me like it isn't important to you, yourself.

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RE: so focused on Dom i can't orgasm.... - 10/15/2007 7:05:03 PM

justnewsub

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
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i am trying too hard to cum just for him, but i do feel it is something i need to just relax about and stop stressing, as you said if he really wanted me to he would be sure i would...

however don't get me wrong, i like most human beings out there, love a really good ground shattering orgasm....

i wonder too if it is maybe a little performance anxiety getting in the way....

(in reply to SixFootMaster)

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RE: so focused on Dom i can't orgasm.... - 10/15/2007 7:22:32 PM

nameonhold

Posts: 48
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

Just new,

You're not alone in the world. There have been times when I am so completely spent after focusing on her, the chances of my getting off are zero.

Not to mention that after some cbt sessions, I'm in no physical condition to cum for days.

It's not the end of the world. What is most important to me is that she has what she wants.

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Post #: 12