A theoretical question... (Full Version)

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xoxi -> A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:05:42 AM)

Okay I'm wording this carefully so it doesn't go against the TOS....I think I'm okay but moderators please feel free to edit anything that needs to be edited because I am genuinely interested in hearing the answers to these questions.

I hear so many people say that kink might be genetic, that they think their grandmother liked getting spanked with a hairbrush, or that their mother was a natural Domme...and I'm not even going to wonder if this is a matter of nature or nurture.  What I am interested in though is....what would you do if your 21 year old child told you that they were into kink?

Would it matter if they were male or female?  If they were Dom or sub?  If you are a Dom/me would you be happier if your same gender child were the same orientation as you are?  Would it bother a man who is into female supremacy if he knew his daughter was a slave to her husband?  Or an uber dommy Man with a capital M whose son liked to be sissified and tortured and used with a strap on?

I will confess my own answers to the questions in a bit after answers get posted...mostly to keep the convo on topic because there's a bit I might get flamed for [;)]



MsSophie -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:13:25 AM)

If I actually did have kids I wouldn't want to know anything about their sexual preferences at all, apart from what would be necessary to tell me. Obviously it would be difficult to ignore the fact that they might be gay, but aside from that I wouldn't want to know. Neither would I see any point in telling them about my preferences.



DarkDaddyZ -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:19:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Okay I'm wording this carefully so it doesn't go against the TOS....I think I'm okay but moderators please feel free to edit anything that needs to be edited because I am genuinely interested in hearing the answers to these questions.

I hear so many people say that kink might be genetic, that they think their grandmother liked getting spanked with a hairbrush, or that their mother was a natural Domme...and I'm not even going to wonder if this is a matter of nature or nurture.  What I am interested in though is....what would you do if your 21 year old child told you that they were into kink?

Would it matter if they were male or female?  If they were Dom or sub?  If you are a Dom/me would you be happier if your same gender child were the same orientation as you are?  Would it bother a man who is into female supremacy if he knew his daughter was a slave to her husband?  Or an uber dommy Man with a capital M whose son liked to be sissified and tortured and used with a strap on?

I will confess my own answers to the questions in a bit after answers get posted...mostly to keep the convo on topic because there's a bit I might get flamed for [;)]


I have met a few in the community whose children did follow them later in the community and I've always wanted to discuss how that happens or how that feels.  When I used to go to swinging parties in TN, the people that ran it was pretty much a family (all adults) but it was Dad, wife, Daughter (she runs it now I hear). You never know when your children are adults where life takes them it's their life.

If mine chose to lead a kinky lifestyle I would discuss certain elements with them after they are 18, if they brought it up to me.  I'd prefer to have a lead in. I don't know how I would react if I ran into them at a event or munch.

For some reason I keep picturing the episode of The Sopranos when the Capo got outed at a Leather Bar in the city.....and the look on his face[:)]



Tigrita -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:23:06 AM)

I think that is a great question! 

I'm too young to think about how I'd react if my (non-existent) kids got interested in BDSM, but I do have a much younger (16 year old ) sister.  I'm 10 years older, and her Godmother, so it has always been an important part of my upbringing to be a good example to her.  While I've always gotten off on the taboo and humiliation play of things like "what would your parents think of you if they knew what a nasty little slut you really are <evil laugh>?", especially since they are very conservative and repressed... my sister, and the example I should be setting for her sometimes crosses my mind and gives me pause.  She is much more sexual and adventurous than I was at her age, and I worry about that in its self sometimes.  If she knew what I was into or had interest in persuing it herself... part of me would want to turn into one of those moms who runs up and covers their kids eyes and ears and drags them away preaching about safety, morals, and dignity hehe. 

Of course I know that my choices are not immoral, not unhealthy, and very empowering to me.  But at the same time, I know I have taken some pretty daring (though calculated) risks that I'd strongly caution friends or family about, and I worry that her sexuality and sense of adventure my be more overdeveloped than her common sense at this point, but I think that is more of an overprotective worry than a valid one.  She has demonstrated she has a good head on her shoulders, but still, I think it best to shelter her from the more intense aspects of sexuality for a little longer, because of the risks involved in meeting people and the fact that I think she'd be drawn to the adventure of that (as I have been, but not until I'd had more life experience and 'street smarts' that come from it to avoid dangerous creeps).  Somehow though, I think someday we'll probalby be gossiping about kink as we now do about football and waterpolo players at her highschool. 

Edited for clarity



akisha -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:24:18 AM)

It wouldn't matter to me what they are to be honest and I would hope they feel more then comfortable discussing anything even thier sexual preferences with me. I have that kind of relationship with my mother.

We don't get into details and in regards to BDSM, she doesn't ask to many questions because she doesn't want to know the answers, and she's learned that if she asks I answer very straightforwardly.  Though she has told me more then once I need a older man that wont put up with my shit and keep me in my place. hehe [:D]  She thinks I would do well in a 1950's style relationship as long as I was still allowed to work.

I refuse to give up my career for anyone.



canupleaseme -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:25:10 AM)

Hmm I'm not sure to be honest.  I look at mine and think I can tell exactly what role they would take if they were to be into kink and its the complete opposite of me.  But then she is identical to how I was growing up so who knows.  I dont want to know anything about her sex life other than what she chooses to share with me.  I hope I am an open mum who she can come to with anything and I will always tryto advise when appropirate.  I think I would probably be a bit worried if she came home one day saying she had a master, but only in that knowing some masters like I know them I would want to meet him and make sure he would look after her though I know it would be non of mybusiness really.  I guess thats part of letting them go isnt it.  I think realistically in this lifestyle if she chose to be a part of it I would want to be able to offer her advice and help for all the things I found I needed help and guidance with when I first started out (granted Im domme but...) 



onmykneesb4Him -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:29:43 AM)

i don't care, honestly. If they asked me questions, i would answer them as honestly as i thought appropriate for their age. i don't want to know the details of their sex lives and i won't share details of mine with them, but i think general conversation is appropriate.

i'm supportive of whatever they choose to be: Dom/me, sub/slave, vanilla, whatever.



sweetNsmartBBW -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:29:56 AM)

I want my kids to grow up happy and fulfilled in all ways.  If I found out that one of my adult children was interested in this?  I'd advise caution, tell them to find out as much as they could about staying safe and using common sense.  If they wanted specific advice?  I'd likely offer directions to certain reputable resources.  Gender and orientation would not matter- as they'd still be my children- and it would still be my role to be supportive and understanding. 

Other than that?  I figure that, as adults, their sex lives are their own (just as if they were in vanilla relationships). 



GoddessMine -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:32:49 AM)

If I had kids who turned out kinky and BDSM'd, I'd be completely harping on them, all repressive-like. You know, so it's so much more the taboo for them. Generous, aren't I?

Love,
GM



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:35:30 AM)

(sighs) My boys (18+) each tell me way more than I EVER want to know.  I think their main kink is embarassing their mother, so it isn't such a theoretical situation for me. 



Tigrita -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:37:55 AM)

I've also wondered about kids in poly or otherwise very obviously alternative family environments; how that affects the children in their enculturation, and their psychosexual development...  I guess that is a topic for a different thread though, but this topic brought it to mind. 



toservez -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:38:57 AM)

I would want what any parent wants and for them to be happy and healthy. I would not have a problem with what path they choose as long as they are good toward others and take personal responsibility for their life.

I do not like people putting me in any negative light by the way I choose to live and see no reason I would think less of this life with others who want to live it regardless if they are related to me or not.

Gender or role makes no difference in a person’s happiness, integrity and self determination.



came4U -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:43:08 AM)

I would expect them to be just as discreet as I am and that I wouldn't even know or find out.  If they came to me to tell me?  I would merely tell them to be safe only. My private sex life is not their business, as is theirs to me.  Call it denial, they have enough common sense to be safe, that is all I ask for.



RCdc -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:43:40 AM)

As long as they were happy and healthy and self aware as well as well informed, that is all that matters, not their orientation.
 
Peace
the.dark.



xoxi -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:50:03 AM)

Thank you all for your answers - Tigrita I've been wondering the exact same thing!  Please start it as a thread!

Okay my own confession - I'm a female submissive.  I could easily deal with my children being in a M/f dynamic - either my sons or my daughters.  If my daughter were a Domme I would think she was awesome and fierce and would have no problem with that whatsoever.  I might have flashes of kinda looking at her SO weird but I would try to focus on the fact that he was catering to my little princess and he made her happy so it's all good.

My biggest problem would come in if I had a son who was a sub.  I know it sounds SO horrible to say, and knowing God's sick sense of humor that's EXACTLY what I'll be getting  [8D]  I wouldn't *love* him any less, because I will love my children with all my heart, but I don't know if I would be able to *understand* it.  Especially if he were into sissification and such.  I work as a pro Domme professionally...I see my sissy clients as toys, as bitches, etc. but not as someone's son.  It just seems so foreign to me that I can't imagine why a man would want to do that....just like I'm sure any female supremacist would wonder why I would want to crawl to my man [;)]



LadySeraphina -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 11:50:25 AM)

I will be raising mine to know that 'Mommy is the head of the House', and over time I will share more as it becomes age appropriate. I grew up in a fairly open household, though a non-kinky one. Will my little one play the same roles that my boy and I do, by gender? I wouldn't doubt it, but as long as they are happy I don't care. I do want them to share with me, so that I can educate them on safety, and just know what's going on in their lives. I don't want a blow-by-blow, but a general idea of what they're up to.




Celeste43 -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 12:09:15 PM)

Saying she is submissive or dominant? Fine. Do I want a list of her kinks, hell no. I don't want to know if my sister gave her husband a blow job last night or if for his birthday she used a strap on on him. Too damn much information.

What I would do is go into detail about the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship, where to draw the line between being a dominant and being an abuser. Because I'm not interested in discussing nipple clamps with my sister, my aunt, or my daughter. I am interested in knowing that they are happy.



CreativeDominant -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 12:09:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Okay I'm wording this carefully so it doesn't go against the TOS....I think I'm okay but moderators please feel free to edit anything that needs to be edited because I am genuinely interested in hearing the answers to these questions.

I hear so many people say that kink might be genetic, that they think their grandmother liked getting spanked with a hairbrush, or that their mother was a natural Domme...and I'm not even going to wonder if this is a matter of nature or nurture.  What I am interested in though is....what would you do if your 21 year old child told you that they were into kink?

Would it matter if they were male or female?  If they were Dom or sub?  If you are a Dom/me would you be happier if your same gender child were the same orientation as you are?  Would it bother a man who is into female supremacy if he knew his daughter was a slave to her husband?  Or an uber dommy Man with a capital M whose son liked to be sissified and tortured and used with a strap on?

I will confess my own answers to the questions in a bit after answers get posted...mostly to keep the convo on topic because there's a bit I might get flamed for [;)]


While I would just as soon not know what my ums are doing in bed...and would prefer that they not know as much about my life outside the office as they do...I would not have a problem with them coming to me with that as I have always told them that I am there to listen.  Just because they came to me with that, it would not...I don't think anyway...be the time to clamp my hands over my ears and say "Don't wanna hear it".  Though I might be inclined to send them to other areas where they can get information such as books, etc.

That said, I know my oldest um is definitely skewing between domineering and dominant.  Trying to gently steer her more towards the dominant.  But that is in her relationship outside the bedroom.  My youngest is an interesting mix of mainly submissive with some dominant in her behavior.  Again, outside the bedroom.  I am not into either male supremacy or female supremacy so it does not make much difference to me which way my daughters choose to go.



pseudopsychotic -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 12:27:49 PM)

::Fast reply::


I have two sons, and whatever they want to do is pretty much fine by me. So long as they are well cared for and safe. And arent jake asses.

Now I have a teenaged sister with whom I talk to about everything,(which I hope to have the same relationship with my kids) yes even this lifestyle and she has shown a great interest in it all.
When she's 18, I'm taking her to the club with me.



BitaTruble -> RE: A theoretical question... (10/15/2007 12:30:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

What I am interested in though is....what would you do if your 21 year old child told you that they were into kink?


Completely accept their choice. It would 'not' be my first preference for them, however, it's not my life.

quote:

Would it matter if they were male or female? 


No.  

quote:

If they were Dom or sub? 


Well, I'd prefer if my daughter were submissive and my son were dominant because that's the world that I'm most comfortable dwelling within. My preferences don't mean a whole lot in their lives however and they can't change who they are any more than I can.

quote:

 If you are a Dom/me would you be happier if your same gender child were the same orientation as you are?  Would it bother a man who is into female supremacy if he knew his daughter was a slave to her husband?  Or an uber dommy Man with a capital M whose son liked to be sissified and tortured and used with a strap on?


Same answer to all of these questions as above. I'd love for them to fit into my universe because that's what I know and understand the best, but it's certainly not a requirement and wouldn't change the love and affection I have for them nor the fact that I would accept their choices completely.

Celeste



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