Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told.

Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (Full Version)

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biracalsub4wmDom -> Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 12:18:55 PM)
hello. i have a question for the Doms/Masters. when it comes to sex, do you prefer your submissive/slave to initiate things, or do what she's told? what i mean is, do you want her to be the creative one by thinking of & coming up with all sorts of different ways to please you, or do you prefer a girl who is just very obedient, and follows YOUR lead? I'm asking because i'm noticing a lot of Doms saying, "Tell me what you would do to me." and i have a hard time answering that question. for one, i don't know you that well. for two, i'm more of a "do what i'm told" kind of girl. don't get me wrong, i like to have the oportunity to suprise my Man with something unexpectedly wonderful every now & then. but for the most part, i feel more in my comfort zone when i'm following the leader. make sense? so i was curious, which type you prefer? or do you have a preference? blessings... biracalsub [Mod Note: image removed]

Celeste43 -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 12:24:27 PM)
He enjoys me initiating sex or play. It shows him that I really want him, an ego thing. He likes it if I straddle one knee and rub against him. He also enjoyed the time I strolled out unexpectedly in schoolgirl outfit. My favorite was the time I came out naked, lay across his lap and asked him to scratch my back. He does great back scratches. Obviously once one itch had been scratched it was time to turn to others. Although he does keep wondering if one of these days I'll actually orgasm from a back scratch because I moan and wriggle as though I'm going to.

toservez -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 12:27:33 PM)
It has been my experience most dominants enjoy their submissive to at least occasionally initiate things or to more “dominant” it up to offer something and let them decide to do it or not. Dominants are human beings and who does not enjoy someone initiating something sometimes and actually if you think about it there are probably things you are doing now in everyday life that would fall under initiating. I think most submissives, certainly including me, are like you and would for the most part prefer to almost never initiate things. I know with my first owners they had specific rules in order to make me initiate things/give suggestions/offer myself up in order to help me in that area.

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 12:30:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: biracalsub4wmDom hello. i have a question for the Doms/Masters. when it comes to sex, do you prefer your submissive/slave to initiate things, or do what she's told? what i mean is, do you want her to be the creative one by thinking of & coming up with all sorts of different ways to please you, or do you prefer a girl who is just very obedient, and follows YOUR lead? I'm asking because i'm noticing a lot of Doms saying, "Tell me what you would do to me." and i have a hard time answering that question. for one, i don't know you that well. for two, i'm more of a "do what i'm told" kind of girl. don't get me wrong, i like to have the oportunity to suprise my Man with something unexpectedly wonderful every now & then. but for the most part, i feel more in my comfort zone when i'm following the leader. make sense? so i was curious, which type you prefer? or do you have a preference? blessings... biracalsub [image]http://i20.tinypic.com/2db7485.jpg[/image] Hey! How do you get your pic on there? As to your question, it really depends. When it comes to BDSM play I prefer to initiate things but under the right circumstances I can see how I can allow my submissive/slave to initiate things. Examples would be by her sending me something hot erotica wise while on the road or at work, or talking dirty to me. Other times would something I know she desires sexually that we haven't explored and I took it over. I do like foreplay for just vanilla sex so if I am touched the right way, she's initiated it alright!

biracalsub4wmDom -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 12:37:52 PM)
DarkDaddyZ... it looks like i did a no-no by posting that pic. my bad! i didn't know.

EclipseAbove -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 12:52:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: biracalsub4wmDom when it comes to sex, do you prefer your submissive/slave to initiate things, or do what she's told? Yes. I actually prefer a little of both. There was a time when my slave was very passive and that became very difficult to deal with. Most of the time, I'm great with being the initiator/active person, but sometimes I just want a break. I'm also a very interactive person, so if a sub/slave starts to initiate anything it gives me something to work from and gets my creativity going.

RRafe -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 1:36:15 PM)
I enjoy having fun input. I don't enjoy being told what to do with it.

TotalState -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 1:53:29 PM)
mmm both. My sub is a proud member of the 'shovel club'...of those who love digging their own graves, lol. She often gives me ideas and mentions things that she wants to try (usually after a scene, or in between them), and I most often listen. I was never one for not trying things. I generally take the lead once something has been initiated, but I definitely don't feel that it has to be me who initiates things all the time. I don't go asking my sub what she wants done when I've started, though. At that point, I am in charge, I have my ideas ready and most likely a plan of action. Then, she can make requests...and I'll consider them. But I don't stand around being indecisive. It's not in my nature.

Tigrita -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 3:23:26 PM)
I don't have trouble with the concept of initiating sex, though I've rarely ever gotten a chance to do it since my serious partners now and in the past have all been long distance or some circumstances that allowed me to see them only once a week or less, and it is just a mutual explosion when we get togther. But I do find it hard to answer the question "so what do you fantasize about?" or "What would you like to try?". I think there are two main reasons. One is that I guess maybe I'm still a little repressed, it being dificult to admit naughtier fantasies, especially of degradation and humiliation, or vulnerability, since othewise I'm a very proud person and need to be actively brought down to that headspace, though I enjoy it and crave it. The other reason is that I don't really want to request things, even if I know I'd enjoy them, I don't want him to do things for my enjoyment, that is the oposite of what I get off on. I usually fantasize about things we've already done or ideas he's planted in my head. Oddlly though, I find it pretty easy to put things down on these boards when I see threads about things that inspire or appeal to me, so that acts as kind of a sounding board I think (hi Love [;)]).

Sabella -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 3:37:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TotalState mmm both. My sub is a proud member of the 'shovel club'...of those who love digging their own graves, lol. She often gives me ideas and mentions things that she wants to try (usually after a scene, or in between them), and I most often listen. I was never one for not trying things. I generally take the lead once something has been initiated, but I definitely don't feel that it has to be me who initiates things all the time. I don't go asking my sub what she wants done when I've started, though. At that point, I am in charge, I have my ideas ready and most likely a plan of action. Then, she can make requests...and I'll consider them. But I don't stand around being indecisive. It's not in my nature. LOL <---also a "shovel clubber" [:D] We both initiate. I think it would be pretty lame on my part to always sit around waiting for something to be done to me, rather than be an active participant in plotting, planning and jumping his bones as well? Nothing says "I love you" like great sex surprises!!!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 4:10:25 PM)
Most prefer one some of the time and the other the rest of the time. :) I know it can be hard to break out of the false ideas that sub = passive/waiting/following, but sometimes your greatest service is in being ACTIVE, in taking the lead, in showing some initiative and not just waiting like an eager puppy. Who cares what "some/most doms wants" it only matters what the person YOU are involved with or might want to be involved with wants.

MadRabbit -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 5:09:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe I enjoy having fun input. I don't enjoy being told what to do with it. I work pretty much like this. I REALLY hate being told what to do [:D]

RRafe -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 6:29:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe I enjoy having fun input. I don't enjoy being told what to do with it. I work pretty much like this. I REALLY hate being told what to do [:D] I do enough of that at work-but they PAY me to put up with it THERE.[:D]

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/15/2007 8:49:07 PM)
It goes both ways in my relationship; our relationship is not one sided or a dictatorship. Sometimes I initiate things, other times MJ does. It might be teasing and just playfull or it could be more. We can read eachother pretty well at this point and sometimes I will start to tease MJ one way or another, just to show my interest; if He is not in the mood, He can always stop me.

biracalsub4wmDom -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/16/2007 5:18:46 AM)
thanks to everyone for the replies. i can really relate to Tigrita when she said that she still feels a little repressed about admitting or talking about some of her fantacys. i feel the same way. that, and....for some reason, when i hear other people talk about them, it seems extremely hot & sexy. but when i hear it come out of MY mouth, it just sounds corny to me. i guess it's performance anxiety? fear of comeing across as silly? things i need to work on for sure. thanks again for your input.

Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/16/2007 5:20:48 AM)
A mindless robot is no fun (well....to me, anyway). The short, and obvious, answer: Do both. tips his hat - Mr. S

Lordandmaster -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/16/2007 6:35:57 AM)
Yeah, that's what I was going to say too. Thinking up creative ways to please me and doing what she's told aren't two mutually exclusive things. quote: ORIGINAL: EclipseAbove I actually prefer a little of both.

meticulousgirl -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/16/2007 9:54:27 AM)
i use to try to initiate it and always got the response of "dont think i'm going to ....you tonight" i use to try everything because He always got to me in the worst way but after awhile i learned not to go buy the school girl outfit, the babydill socks, or the lingerie anymore it wasn't worth my time because it never worked. i dont do it anymore, i dont ask for it, i've learned to accept that he'll use me when he wants to use me and there is nothing that i can do in the middle to make him change his mind. Not to mention that's topping from the bottom and good slaves dont do that...... ~meticulous~

slaveluci -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/16/2007 12:43:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: biracalsub4wmDom when it comes to sex, do you prefer your submissive/slave to initiate things, or do what she's told? what i mean is, do you want her to be the creative one by thinking of & coming up with all sorts of different ways to please you, or do you prefer a girl who is just very obedient, and follows YOUR lead? As with most of the answers thus far, Master likes both. If I initiate something and He's into it, it will proceed. If I initiate something and it's not a good time or He's not into it right then, it won't. No hard feelings[:)]. If He initiates something and I'm into it, great. If He initiates something and I'm not that into it, it'll proceed anyway most usually[;)]. In our relationship, it is worse to want to initiate something and then not to than it is to initiate something when He won't be into it. He loves the things I think up and wants me to act on them. He never considers it being aggressive or "topping" to do so. All He has to do is decline if He's not into it. On the other hand, if I'm thinking of and wanting to do something to/with Him that He would enjoy, perhaps He doesn't even know He wants it at the time. However, if I initiate and He is into it, how wonderful that I took that step[:D].................luci

slaveluci -> RE: Initiate the kink....or....Do as you're told. (10/16/2007 12:46:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl i use to try to initiate it and always got the response of "dont think i'm going to ....you tonight" i use to try everything because He always got to me in the worst way but after awhile i learned not to go buy the school girl outfit, the babydill socks, or the lingerie anymore it wasn't worth my time because it never worked. i dont do it anymore, i dont ask for it, i've learned to accept that he'll use me when he wants to use me and there is nothing that i can do in the middle to make him change his mind. Not to mention that's topping from the bottom and good slaves dont do that...... ~meticulous~ Ah, Ah, Ah. Speak for yourself, meticulousgirl[8D]. It's certainly not "topping from the bottom" in MY relationship. And you know better than to try to define what a "good slave" is. You fit your master's definition and I'll fit mine. They obviously are not the same.............luci Edited to add this link for futher clarification: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1255924/mpage_1/key_topping/tm.htm#1255959

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