RE: It is fair to be annoyed?

RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (Full Version)

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LadyHugs -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/16/2007 2:11:14 PM)
Dear PrettyOHDomme, Ladies and Gentlemen, For me, to share personal information like birthdays, etc., is an earned right to know. I also am not one to assume anything, which communications ahead of time would lay the ground work as to personality, traits and manners. As for a slave's gift--the only gift I am after is their heart, submission and loyalty. Anybody can buy a gift--not anybody can be 'the' gift. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

MaamJay -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/16/2007 4:13:23 PM)
I've never had a sub bring Me a gift on a first meeting, so I wouldn't have that expectation. With the birthday thing, I would have dropped a fairly obvious hint that I treasure and keep all the cards I have been given over the years, and then if he'd not picked up on it, I might have been a bit disappointed. However, all other things being good, I would stick with him for a while and try to find out if he's really a cheapskate, someone who never thinks of the little things ... or whether he was simply so awestruck at meeting a Domme that he behaved uncharacteristically! The little things do mean a lot to Me so I wouldn't want someone longterm who wasn't receptive to doing them, especially if I have mentioned "surprises" that I especially like. But I also agree with LadyHugs that "being" the gift is ultimately more important than "buying" the gift. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

RosesHaveThorns -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/16/2007 5:44:53 PM)
Without knowing why he didn't bring one, I cannot bring myself to say that you should be upset without knowing why it happened. He might not be in the best place finically, or he might be utterly clueless as what to get you. Or he was eagerly waiting for you to order him to get you something. Or wary of gift exchange from a relationship online. However...Perhaps you could ask or demand for a gift now? Could just be something like pictures of himself (No face required, if you are into that) or some webcam time...Or promising to service you in a particular fashion if you choose to met again.

LASub4Real -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/16/2007 8:00:16 PM)
I had an experience once when I turned up without a gift on a first meeting. I wasn't trying to be rude, I just had never had a Domme expect one from me at the time. Anyway, I got an instant slap in the face... and not a symbolic one either, I mean like you see in the movies where the slapee is holding his red cheek for five minutes after! It came instantly, hard, and without any warning. My first reaction was to feel quite hurt (emotionally). I think that may be natural from a hard and unexpected face slap. But I have to say that it established a few things 1) Don't show up to a first meeting without a gift and 2) This was going to be real. If she didn't like something I was REALLY going to suffer for it, not the sexy, whip-my-bottom after a warm-up suffering that I had in mind, but real unpleasant punishment that wasn't overtly sexual at all. I guess it depends on the kind of relationship you are forming or the kind of dominance you wish to achieve. For me, it was a shocking introduction but in the end, it made things much more intense for me because I walked away feeling that my submission was going to be very real. So, maybe (and only you know for sure) maybe if you were annoyed and showed it it could have worked out to be a good thing? LAsub

MissMagnolia -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/16/2007 8:09:35 PM)
Men are notoriously crappy at buying gifts at the best of times. A first meeting, he would have been so nervous he wouldn't have even thought of it. He wouldn't have had a clue what to buy, even if he did think of it. Should you have spelled out the expectation? Yes, and it would need to be written in fluoro yellow ink in 6 foot letters.[;)]

PrettyOHDomme -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/17/2007 6:02:04 AM)
Just an update: He sent me the sweetest thank you e-mail I've ever received. It was sincere, sweet, and moderately flowery. I am officially mollified. [:)] Thank you, all, for the well thought-out opinions. I also appreciate the opportunity to vent.

MissSCD -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/17/2007 6:19:09 AM)
This is your call basically. If you are going to require a gift then you need to put that up front. From what I am seeing from folks, people are struggling a bit now financially between gas prices and inflation, and you will see less and less gifts from most people. I am already making my Christmas gifts and purchased the bulk on close out sale prices. Times are tough. I am thankful for dinner out. Dinner out is expensive. Also, your sub/slave prospect will show you more in what he will do for you as a person. That is what we are all all about. We are people first, and not all about gifts. Regards, MissSCD

Oumae -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/17/2007 7:10:59 AM)
I don't expect gifts from a sub on first meets or subsequent ones. Thoughtful gestures are appreciated and I would think enough is written about it generally that men who wish to please a woman should have picked up on it by now... and I am not talking about expensive gifts, things that show thought mean so much to many of us. If I had to tell someone to do that it would make it pointless to me as would be lacking the spontaneity that makes a gesture so sweet. Oumae

AAkasha -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/17/2007 8:26:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Oumae I don't expect gifts from a sub on first meets or subsequent ones. Thoughtful gestures are appreciated and I would think enough is written about it generally that men who wish to please a woman should have picked up on it by now... and I am not talking about expensive gifts, things that show thought mean so much to many of us. If I had to tell someone to do that it would make it pointless to me as would be lacking the spontaneity that makes a gesture so sweet. Oumae Exactly - it does not have to be something that costs money. If someone dosen't have money to spend, I would hope he could give the gift of time, and sit down and create something. It amazes me that with the Internet people have gotten so lazy, when in reality, it offers so much more that you can create - and none of this existed 20 years ago. Imagine that - people had to actually create things with pens, paper, cutting things out, and using glue. Now in less than a half hour online you could probably create a little scrap book for someone, print out articles you think they might find interesting, create a cute-custom-crossword puzzle, etc. Akasha

Deboyce -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/17/2007 12:22:15 PM)
Regardless of D/s or not, some token of appreciation even if only a book of desired poetry would have been and is proper. Chivalry is not dead, gallantry and charisma remain alive and well but the lady has to allow it. So when a gentleman asks what reading you enjoy tell him, answer all of his questions, give him the insights to be gracious and gallant.

RosesHaveThorns -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/17/2007 12:24:27 PM)
Again, I am not a Domme but...I think I've heard rumors or suspcisions of Dommes asking male subs for money. Is this frowned upon, and considered a red flag for a scam or not? Could have influenced things.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/17/2007 1:53:30 PM)
Venting is welcome, IMO. And gestures need not be costly things---the point is generosity of SPIRIT, and a display of interest in the dominant as a person. I do not choose my playmates for their bank accounts, but I do look at whether they think of me. As to asking subs for money---when I was working professionally, scenes had a fee, but meeting to screen was free. We did think of charging an application fee to weed out the wankers!

pixelslave -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/17/2007 7:58:28 PM)
Knowing it had been your birthday and we'd gotten "close" over the telephone, I'd have at least brought you some kind of card and perhaps a single rose or at most a small bouquet, but that's just me. According to the EPA, Your Mileage with other subs May Vary. [&:] Oh, I'd also likely have asked what your favorite flower was as part of one of our conversations if the opportunity arose and included that in the bouquet if that was the way I chose to go. Over the course of several weeks, without previously having seen you to learn how you dress or where you live, etc., I'd have had very little to go on as to what kind of trinket to purchase that would likely please you. On a first meeting, all I ever expect is conversation. IMO, if things click between us, then that's the best "gift" of all. [;)] - pixel Collared to Majik (who happens to be allergic to flowers)

LadyPact -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/17/2007 8:35:28 PM)
Since a first meeting is usually just a public spot for coffee or lunch, no I don't think a gift is mandated. It's not exactly the same as the old Miss Maners standard of bring a gift for the hostess if you're invited to dinner. A small card or something might have been nice, but he didn't pick up on it. My current submissive did not bring Me a gift on O/our first meeting. I just made him drive two and a half hours to meet Me at an event I was attending out of town, even though W/we both live about ten miles apart. As Lady Hugs said, he brought the gift of himself. Truthfully, he's been a gift ever since.

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: It is fair to be annoyed? (10/18/2007 5:36:15 AM)
Here's a radical idea: why not ask him why he did not bring you a gift. Ask in a curious, not judgmental, tone of voice. Hear his answer and then decide whether to be annoyed. It would be great if you shared the mystery with the rest of us, so we can all stop speculating what his reasons might have been Ms C (who loves getting little gifts without having to ask or drop hints, especially homemade ones)

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