Something to think about (Full Version)

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LATEXBABY64 -> Something to think about (10/16/2007 9:06:40 AM)

I have read tons of threads.  After being in the lifestyle for what seems decades. What I can not understand is how people seem to ignore the truth. There is truly something to love being blind.  I have seen abused subs that go back to their so called doms, dommes.  What’s up with that! you think they would  get a clue when someone is bad for them. Abuse comes in two forms mental, and physical.  I saw a thread on baggage. I wonder why people who know about such things do not step up to the plate when they see it go on. Are people just that careless.  Then you have tourist doms, dommes, subs .  People who promise things and do not deliver. Or the people who are here because of sexual addictions
   What is funny I hear every educated excuse but just simple common sense logic .  IF it is wrong it is wrong. Morals and values are guide lines to life and happiness.  Yes we have to have labels for sanity keeps our mind from going down the path of stupidity.  Then  it came to  me what if people are addicted to depression.  As crazy as that sounds. What if the body in some form controlled who we picked by what seem normal vs what is right  



IrishMist -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 9:13:03 AM)

Oh goody; another ‘I am right and you are wrong thread”[8|]

I am surprised at you Latexbaby for having such a closed mind about some things; and yet you seem so open minded 99% of the time.

You said:
“What I can not understand is how people seem to ignore the truth. There is truly something to love being blind. I have seen abused subs that go back to their so called doms, dommes. “
Quite frankly, who the hell made you the abuse police? What qualifications do you have that state only you can define what is abuse and what is not?
Personally, I think you are the one being blind in this instance.

“Abuse comes in two forms mental, and physical”
I will ask again. What qualifications do you possess that state only YOU can define what is abuse and what is not; especially in regards to people you do not know?




LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 9:16:23 AM)

very simple it is documented from mental health professionals and from what I see here. If you look beyond what i have written you will there is a ring of truth to what I say



camille65 -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 9:20:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

very simple it is documented from mental health professionals and from what I see here. If you look beyond what i have written you will there is a ring of truth to what I say
 'Your truth' is not everyones truth.



IrishMist -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 9:21:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

very simple it is documented from mental health professionals and from what I see here. If you look beyond what i have written you will there is a ring of truth to what I say

All I see is someone sprouting off who is NOT a professional telling others that what they are doing is abuse.
YOu may not have meant for your post to come off in that way, but it did. Perhaps you should go back and try looking beyond  just the words of what you wrote



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 9:25:45 AM)

no i should have put more to it.  that is a interesting point because it is hard to tell what is abuse in the ds sense maybe they want that but i guess should have gave more indepth examples



LadyLynx -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 9:29:23 AM)

*lol*  With most people that are openminded, there is inevitably something they are closeminded about.  A few years ago I had a boyfriend that would pull disapearing acts, I wouldn't hear from him for months. Then he would come by,(usually late at night, because he knew I was a nite owl.) When I would ask, "why didn't you call?" He would say he lost/ruined his phone (which had all his phone #'s in it.) I asked (several times.) "Well you remembered where my house was, you couldn't of wrote me a note?"  I didn't think of that" he would say.  grrrrr.  I knew after the 1st time that occured that I shouldn't see him, but he always so sweet and apolgetic, and I always think, "well maybe this time it will be different"  When he comes around it always seems to be when I am not dating anyone,  and he seems to like showing up around Halloween, (we started dating at that time.)  I havn't seen him since getting involved in this lifestyle.......hmmmm I wonder what his reaction would be if  I told him that if wants to come back to me, he would have to be my slave?  *evil grin*  Of course knowing my luck he would probably call my bluff by exepting



toservez -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 9:32:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Oh goody; another ‘I am right and you are wrong thread”[8|]

I am surprised at you Latexbaby for having such a closed mind about some things; and yet you seem so open minded 99% of the time.

You said:
“What I can not understand is how people seem to ignore the truth. There is truly something to love being blind. I have seen abused subs that go back to their so called doms, dommes. “
Quite frankly, who the hell made you the abuse police? What qualifications do you have that state only you can define what is abuse and what is not?
Personally, I think you are the one being blind in this instance.

“Abuse comes in two forms mental, and physical”
I will ask again. What qualifications do you possess that state only YOU can define what is abuse and what is not; especially in regards to people you do not know?




I agree with this strongly. No one on here no matter with one post or with 10,000 posts can you actually have a valid analysis of someone. You can have a strong opinion and willing to bet a lot of money but that simply does not cut it when it comes to the medical field. At best is you have a strong starting point to head toward a direction.

This post comes off as nothing more then a person telling a drug addict or alcoholic to just stop what they are doing and they will be fine. You take your own values, moral and decision ability and simply apply it to others. As a person who comes into contact with people that have these issues you expressed about on a near daily basis, the answer is simply their brains do not work like ours!

Life is simple and logical if you are withdrawn from it enough. Get close enough though and find out just how complex, illogical and heart breaking it truly is. Most people are irrational in some areas of their life. Give me a half day of being around anyone including the OP and I would find something I would be puzzled by and most of us feed this with delusion and irrational/illogical thoughts. For almost all of us these things simply are not big things in our life. People with the bigger and more serious issues it is unfortunate but they dominate their lives.




crouchingtigress -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 9:34:05 AM)

to address the point of your post...yes there are plenty of folks that are addicted to depression....because it is what they know and it is comfortable....and we are all addicted to being comfortable....

yet everything we desire is our side our box, outside our comfort zone, the new career, more money, the places we want to travel, ....if they were in the box we would have them already.....yanno?

so my teacher used to say "start getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and see where that takes you" and so i did.



IrishMist -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 9:35:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

no i should have put more to it.  that is a interesting point because it is hard to tell what is abuse in the ds sense maybe they want that but i guess should have gave more indepth examples

Perhaps. My best relationship was with a man that who, by all means, WAS abusive. The only thing that kept our relationship from BECOMING abusive was the fact that I got off on it [:)] . We managed to work it out to a point that we both enjoyed it immensly and remained together for more than 10 years.
I don't mess with other people's lives. In the sense of BDSM, D/s, and M/s, I don't look at what COULD be construed as abuse simply because I would have to judge it on my own experiences.
The only advice I give to those who say that they are being treated in such a way is simply 'make a choice if you can live with it or not". If they can't then they need to walk out the door or call someone for help. It's their choice though.



vield -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 9:37:35 AM)

Interesting point of view Latexbaby64.

However after having been in the lifestyle for many decades of real time, I find that it is always possible to misunderstand appearances, it is always just as possible to make a bad choice as a good choice, and I keep tripping over folks of all diversities and preferences who define common things much differently than I do.

Thus I feel the only label that is valid is that which we apply to our own forehead.

I know that without in depth discussion you may not understand a label I may wear, and I may not understand one you may wear, even though on paper it seems a "common" term.

I can define my meanings for most things, I can not make these items universally understood.

To me, "abuse" is anything which is not consensual.

To me "consensual" is reasoning adults (people over 18 years of age of sound mind) knowingly agreeing to perform various acts with each other.

To me those who decieve, who assault children or those of infirm mind, and those who try to trick people into compliance are ALL abusers, all guilty of criminal acts, and all are using my air without my consent.

I can not judge why one person's need is to honor their word given to a very hurtful person whose does not meet their own needs. I also can not judge why someone else needs to void their word and abandon a partner they have been treated well by. I know that these and many more variations happen, and happen often. I do not agree with people accepting these things, but I also remember the times I personally have allowed myself to be hurt, even knowing it was likely to happen.

All I can do is to be honest and honorable myself, and to not associate with people who do not act thus, no matter how HOT their act is.



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 10:19:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deserves


quote:

ORIGINAL: Irish Mist

Oh goody; another ‘I am right and you are wrong thread”[8|]

I am surprised at you Latex baby for having such a closed mind about some things; and yet you seem so open minded 99% of the time.

You said:
“What I can not understand is how people seem to ignore the truth. There is truly something to love being blind. I have seen abused subs that go back to their so called Dom's, Dommes. “
Quite frankly, who the hell made you the abuse police? What qualifications do you have that state only you can define what is abuse and what is not?
Personally, I think you are the one being blind in this instance.

“Abuse comes in two forms mental, and physical”
I will ask again. What qualifications do you possess that state only YOU can define what is abuse and what is not; especially in regards to people you do not know?




I agree with this strongly. No one on here no matter with one post or with 10,000 posts can you actually have a valid analysis of someone. You can have a strong opinion and willing to bet a lot of money but that simply does not cut it when it comes to the medical field. At best is you have a strong starting point to head toward a direction.

This post comes off as nothing more then a person telling a drug addict or alcoholic to just stop what they are doing and they will be fine. You take your own values, moral and decision ability and simply apply it to others. As a person who comes into contact with people that have these issues you expressed about on a near daily basis, the answer is simply their brains do not work like ours!

Life is simple and logical if you are withdrawn from it enough. Get close enough though and find out just how complex, illogical and heart breaking it truly is. Most people are irrational in some areas of their life. Give me a half day of being around anyone including the OP and I would find something I would be puzzled by and most of us feed this with delusion and irrational/illogical thoughts. For almost all of us these things simply are not big things in our life. People with the bigger and more serious issues it is unfortunate but they dominate their lives.




if were true then researchers would never have common with Prozac, loft..
if behavior problems were not able to be analyzed The insanity Plee would never
happen. I think you have to really give credit to those that are pioneers in the field of mental health and that they do know what they are doing. 

here is and example of how those views work  (two people looking at the same painting both enjoying in their own way. But different heres how
person A
I love the imagenation and the colors and what he must of felt
person B
I wonder what brush he or she used or oil or canvas

In other words one just for being the other for analytical.  



GhitaAmati -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 10:56:56 AM)

One of what I consider my best and most missed relationships in my life..D/s or other wise..is often seen to others as a severely abusive relationship. Back when I was in it, and even know when I describe the dynamics and day to day life of that relationship...even to others in the BDSM community...the first reaction I get from most people is "oh god hunny, Im so glad you got out of that safetly, I cant imagine being in a horrible situation like that." Well..to me it wasnt horrible, it was exactly what I wanted and needed and I loved every minute of it. Sure it was hard, and sure I still have medical issues that havent compleatly healed in the 7 years since I was with him, but I miss him almost every day....I dont see it as abusive, although Im pretty sure you and the majority of people around here would...

Sometimes it isnt depressing to the people actually in the relationship. I am not trying to downplay actual abusive relationships. Because I know they are out there any there are many abusive people living under the banner of BDSM and I think its horrid...but I dont think its for any one else to tell someone they are making the wrong relationship choices.



Hergirl0824 -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 11:02:51 AM)

i'm sorry but the very fact that you think you can decide what is abuse and what isn't because you have read alot on the subject is completely crazy..i can read alot about brain surgery but that doesn't mean i can do it or decide who needs it. i spent 14 years in an abusive relationship, not because i was hooked on being depressed or any other such crazy nonesense like that..i stayed for many reasons..and until you have walked a mile in that persons shoes what makes you think you can decide what is best for them or why they did it or stayed....



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 11:32:24 AM)

instead of taking what i said out of context try looking at it from a different point of view as a general statment



Hergirl0824 -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 11:59:44 AM)

you know you may be right  i may have jumped to the wrong conclusion with this being such an emotional issue for me...something that might help is if maybe you phrased your statement or question differently so that it didn't come off sounding like an attack on people who have been abused



laurell3 -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 12:00:48 PM)

What exactly happened to cause you to convert to the "true way" camp?  This seems unusual from your prior posts. 



IrishMist -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 12:07:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

instead of taking what i said out of context try looking at it from a different point of view as a general statment

You know latex, perhaps YOU should repost what you were actually trying to say... and perhaps YOU should try doing it in a less judgemental way. You can not expect people to 'understand' the reason for the words; you have to be clear in what you are saying.




MadRabbit -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 12:09:43 PM)

As usual, LATEXBABY, I really have no idea what exactly you were trying to write, but I am going to take it to be something derogatory about all the people you are better than like most of your posts.



thetammyjo -> RE: Something to think about (10/16/2007 12:12:53 PM)

Question back to the OP.

Since these same problems happen in the vanilla world why do you expect different behavior from self-identified kinky people?

The ideals of consent and communication are a great part of BDSM but I find that most of us fall short of these ideals at least from time to time.

I might expect someone who claims to be into Ds or bondage or SM to at least try to communicate and certainly to be concerned with consent but I'm frankly never surprised when I hear or see otherwise. But as my grandmother used to say "It takes a damned great deal to surprise me anymore."



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