How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla-ish type gift

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How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla-ish... - 2/14/2004 12:55:41 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Let me spell out dilemma #1.

For Valentines day I bought my Mistress a Vermont Teddy bear and had it delivered to her work. (From william, not iwillserveu: the non-BDSM bear is holding roses and chocolate.:)) Now I have a secret until it is delivered. She can order me to tell her the secret. Even if I know that will spoil the surprise that it isn't just roses, can i rightfully withhold information from her? Or taunt her by saying, "It isn't what You'd expect but i won't tell You for Your own good, my Mistress."

This brings up another dilemma. How can I ever do anything "special" at anniversaries and her birthday? If I can I must be holding back the 364 days of the year. If I don't how do I look at my face in the mirror when I shave? (Growing a beard is not an option.:))

I know that in the end I deal with this on my own, but I'd appreciate any advice.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

Post #: 1

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 2/14/2004 10:18:50 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

If it is a secret that you have sent her a bear, how would she know to force the secret out of you? I'm not a Domme, but I am pretty sure they appreciate gifts just as any woman does. Especially surprise gifts.
I would love to get a clapper for a gift. Then when I spank my slave, I get a light show too.
Happy shaving iwill.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 2

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 2/15/2004 5:10:45 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Estring,

But keeping the secret that I have a secret to keep is as bad as keeping a secret in the first place, right? (Wait a minute I have to go through that again too.

)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 3

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 2/15/2004 8:43:10 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Do you have to tell her you have a secret in the first place? If not...why tell in the first place?

She will never know until the secret has come to pass.

Gloria

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 4

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 2/16/2004 12:04:22 AM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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iwill, did you ever in a drunken state stare at those ketchup bottles with the girl holding a ketchup bottle with a girl holding a ketchup bottle with a girl holding a ketchup bottle, etc... My point is, you can drive yourself crazy overthinking this. I would bet that your Mistress will love your gift. She is a woman. And most women love to be surprised with a gift. It isn't the same as coming home and being surprised that you peed on the floor. Relax.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 5

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 2/23/2004 6:27:41 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

Let me spell out dilemma #1.

For Valentines day I bought my Mistress a Vermont Teddy bear and had it delivered to her work. (From william, not iwillserveu: the non-BDSM bear is holding roses and chocolate.:)) Now I have a secret until it is delivered. She can order me to tell her the secret. Even if I know that will spoil the surprise that it isn't just roses, can i rightfully withhold information from her? Or taunt her by saying, "It isn't what You'd expect but i won't tell You for Your own good, my Mistress."

This brings up another dilemma. How can I ever do anything "special" at anniversaries and her birthday? If I can I must be holding back the 364 days of the year. If I don't how do I look at my face in the mirror when I shave? (Growing a beard is not an option.:))

I know that in the end I deal with this on my own, but I'd appreciate any advice.

HAHAHAHAHA funny.

So, you are the type to try to torment with the secret? I would drive you nuts.

I realize that Vday has come and gone, but for future reference you might want to think about this.

You have a couple of options.

1. You can forego the sadistic urges to torment and walk around quietly happy knowing that your willingness to forego the need to torment her will enable her to have a true surprise...something unexpected.
2. You can tell her what you got her.

Now I realize that for many folks the 'torment' of telling that it's coming but not telling what it is is fun. It doesn't work with me, though. Until something has been handed to me, it's not mine. If it's not mine, I have no interest in it. I truly do simply forget about it.

Someone (assuming they are my submissive) who attempted to torment me with it would be told to either shut up or give it up. If they didn't do one or the other they'd have trouble for disobedience. And, after they suffered, I would...forget about it. hahahahaha

Only leaves two options, telling or being quiet about it. Are you the kinda person that can enjoy service that nobody knows about? If not, then tell. But if you are, the surprise is worth keeping ENTIRELY quiet about. You might find that you enjoy walking around knowing that you've done something to make her smile that even she doesn't know about yet.

There's a difference between not telling to maintain a surprise and not telling to deceive. I bet you already know the difference, too.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 6

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 2/26/2004 4:01:03 AM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I did the smart thing. I asked her if I may keep the secret of a pleasant surprise. She said "Yes". Frankly it tortured me more than her. ("Did it arrive yet, my Mistress?"

)

"There's a difference between not telling to maintain a surprise and not telling to deceive. I bet you already know the difference, too. " -- Miz Suz

Yes, I know. The question is does she know. And the question beyond that is does she care about that difference.

Several people have told me to not tell her that I have a secret in the first place. Thanks, I already know the best way to keep a secret is to never let the person you are deceiving know that you are deceiving them. (Yes, it is deception. Think the North Korea nuclear program. Before they admited it they said nothing about it. That is decption.)

The question is, morally can a slave do that? (I know that technicallt [and tactically] he/she can, but should he/she?)

I could not spelllcheeck. Sorry about the typoes.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to MizSuz)

Post #: 7

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 2/26/2004 5:36:47 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

I did the smart thing. I asked her if I may keep the secret of a pleasant surprise. She said "Yes". Frankly it tortured me more than her. ("Did it arrive yet, my Mistress?")

Smart indeed! Very well done. Tell me, what it a pleasant torture for you? <smile>

quote:

Several people have told me to not tell her that I have a secret in the first place. Thanks, I already know the best way to keep a secret is to never let the person you are deceiving know that you are deceiving them. (Yes, it is deception. Think the North Korea nuclear program. Before they admited it they said nothing about it. That is decption.)

The question is, morally can a slave do that? (I know that technicallt [and tactically] he/she can, but should he/she?)

I quite agree that not telling is the same as lying. Deceit is deceit. I also think that, in the instance you gave, you weren't deceiving her because until she received the gift it wasn't hers (unless you have an agreement to maintain a register/index of all your possessions).

As for the question I think it harkens to what I've said all along. There are no cookie cutters. IMO one of the greatest aspects of this venue is that the people in the relationship get to make the rules. Morals are an individual thing, no two people have the same morals and you must find your own moral answers. Integrity is something that happens BETWEEN people and it would seem to me that, barring an established understanding of what is considered proper integrity in this instance you did a very respectable thing in asking if you could keep the secret.

I'd recommend having this conversation with her to clear up any dilemna in the future. That way you and she get to make the rules that work for the both of you and you are very clear on what is moral, and what will keep you in integrity.

Again, I think you handled it very well.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 8

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 12/22/2006 6:36:01 PM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline

This is the only thread I have ever read that gave me a headache.
thompson

(in reply to MizSuz)

Post #: 9

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 12/22/2006 6:43:26 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

But why did you read it? It's almost three years old.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

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Post #: 10

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 12/22/2006 6:49:11 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I was wondering that too...

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 11

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 12/24/2006 7:06:32 PM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
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MySweetSubmissive:
I am a new member here and I have been trying to read as much of what has been posted as I can. Of the many that I have read this one just took me longer to wrap my head around and in the process it gave me a headach. Kinda like trying to stuff ten pounds of stuff in a five pound sack
thompson

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 12

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 12/28/2006 11:24:41 AM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

You have a very good question. I can tell you about the arrangement that I have with My cubby, if that helps. He has a small allowance and discretion over what he spends it on. He also mentioned a while back that he wanted to be able to surprise Me sometimes for My birthday, anniversary, or "just because". I love surprises, so we're both happy... Whenever he has arranged a surprise and I begin asking questions that might ruin it, he simply uses a specially negotiated "safeword". When that happens, we both smile and "carry on".

With this arrangement, I know he's "hiding something" but he's allowed to, so he's not betraying a trust.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 13

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 12/29/2006 7:19:07 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Ahh, I miss those days.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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Post #: 14

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 12/30/2006 6:52:01 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Well depending on the relationship a owner might have the right to demand his or her slave tell their secrents, including plans for suprises and gifts. i think what i would have done would be to say forgive me Master but do you realy wish me to spoil your suprise. If my Master said yes, i would tell him, but then at least i would have given the infromation that i had a secret becouse it was to be a suprise gift or dinner or somthing, and leve it in the Dominant`s hands whatever or not they want the suprise spoiled or not.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 15

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 12/30/2006 9:12:25 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Wait! what? You plan a surprise and then tell him? OK. now I am getting a headache. This isn't addressed to you specifically nephandi...just to the posters in general.

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 16

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 12/30/2006 9:19:24 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

oh boy sometimes I seriously think I'm way too vanilla for this all

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 17

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 12/30/2006 9:22:05 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

You and me both. If I plan a surprise for my Dom and then I stresss over if I am keeping secrets by not telling him about the very thing I planned...what? I don't get it. It's not like I'm keeping these life and death secrets. I try and do something nice, then I go and spoil it all. Move over, Rane, I'm in the vanilla section with you.

(in reply to MissyRane)

Post #: 18

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 12/30/2006 9:28:46 AM

PhoenixLM

Posts: 79
Joined: 5/12/2005
From: Fort Wayne, Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

Let me spell out dilemma #1.

For Valentines day I bought my Mistress a Vermont Teddy bear and had it delivered to her work. (From william, not iwillserveu: the non-BDSM bear is holding roses and chocolate.:)) Now I have a secret until it is delivered. She can order me to tell her the secret. Even if I know that will spoil the surprise that it isn't just roses, can i rightfully withhold information from her? Or taunt her by saying, "It isn't what You'd expect but i won't tell You for Your own good, my Mistress."

This brings up another dilemma. How can I ever do anything "special" at anniversaries and her birthday? If I can I must be holding back the 364 days of the year. If I don't how do I look at my face in the mirror when I shave? (Growing a beard is not an option.:))

I know that in the end I deal with this on my own, but I'd appreciate any advice.

Talk to her. My owner and I had the same problem when she realized I was "up to something" the first year we were together she asked what I was doing I asked her not to because I did not wanna lie to her. She devised a gift exception, if she ask me about something I and it has to do with a gift for her I justy smile & say gift exception. That one was pushed last year when we turned her basement into a dungeon she kept telling me she better not see a "while you were out" truck pull up LOL

This is what we did (all the furniture was new or recycled into dungeon equipment)

http://www.dshaven.com/house/dungeon.html
http://www.dshaven.com/house/dungeon.html

_____________________________

Phoenix
House Ds Haven
http://dshaven.com

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 19

RE: How can a sub or slave give a gift I mean a vanilla... - 12/30/2006 9:33:04 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

You and me both. If I plan a surprise for my Dom and then I stresss over if I am keeping secrets by not telling him about the very thing I planned...what? I don't get it. It's not like I'm keeping these life and death secrets. I try and do something nice, then I go and spoil it all. Move over, Rane, I'm in the vanilla section with you.

yay I'm not alone!!! Thank you, now I feel so much better

we should form a club or somethin!

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 20

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