Moving Too Fast

Moving Too Fast (Full Version)

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AvidCarnality -> Moving Too Fast (10/17/2007 2:04:37 PM)
Have you ever ignored all your own rules, common sense and screwed up? I recently met a guy online, spoke to him on the phone and he invited me over to meet him. He never told me he was handicapped and while the handicap was a surprise, it wouldn't have mattered to me. What bothers me is that things went too fast. As soon as entering his home I'm dragged to the room and on the bed. I'm not a prude, and I don't have hang-ups about sex. The problem is, this guy was so needy and lonely and a nice guy but I have no real attraction to him. There was no sense of his being dominant. Mostly, he struck me as a horny little guy who wanted me to be his all and everything in one meeting. The whole needy over-eager thing was a turn off. Now, I'm feeling like an idiot, for letting things get out of hand. I never once feared for my safety. The guy gave great oral and the meeting was pleasant but now I have a guy I've been intimate with who wants me to be his submissive and I don't want to hurt his feelings. When I told him that I'd like to get to know him, he smiled and said great - but kept trying to get back into bed and when he realized it wasn't going to happen again he cut the afternoon meeting short and said he had errands to run. Before I get lambasted, let me say I had a safe-call. I left the address where I was meeting him, and I didn't go into it worried that I was putting myself in any dangerous situation. He said he'd cook me lunch and we'd get to know each other. Normally the whole being swept off my feet and dagged into the bedroom would be a turn on for me, had there been a sense of power exchange going on there. The guy had no 'presence' if that makes any sense. He honestly believes himself to be a dominant and I am sure he is, but I just didn't get any sense of it. He was pushy, yes. But pushy isn't dominant...is it? Has anyone else found themselves letting more happen on their first meet than they were really completely comfortable with?

RRafe -> RE: Moving Too Fast (10/17/2007 2:11:35 PM)
I've had it happen with hot to trot bottoms as well-done the deed, did some play-and at least one showed me by the end of it-that we were just not going to make it. She had a fit when I informed her-there was NOT going to be a second date. Still resents me over the rejection. But that's her issue to deal with-is it not? What's done is done-you are going to hurt someone's feelings at times-it happens. You end up hurting them more- if you string them along-and then cut them off later.

toservez -> RE: Moving Too Fast (10/17/2007 2:21:08 PM)
I cannot say I have done anything in regards to this life like you describe. I though have certainly done more that I expected to on first meets but never like what I got from reading your description of what you did. I have certainly did a couple of things coming out of my previous relationship and letting a little loose that I was disgusted with myself for being more stupid then I thought I was. I think most people in life have suffered from bouts of what the hell was I thinking on some big scale. I guess the importance is learning from them.

AvidCarnality -> RE: Moving Too Fast (10/17/2007 2:29:19 PM)
Meeting him at his place, for the first time, wasn't the smartest thing I'd ever done. No harm, no foul, I guess. Just hate that I let myself get into a position, though I guess I'd still have to hurt his feelings either way and you are right Mr. Rrafe. Better to hurt him sooner than later. It just sucks, and I'm left feeling like an idiot for not handling the whole thing better.

Sabella -> RE: Moving Too Fast (10/17/2007 3:05:03 PM)
Sounds like a pity fuck, call it what it is and move on. When meeting someone at their home for the first time this probably will not be the first time this comes up (but hopefully the last). Meeting in a public place for a coffee or a drink would have been alot easier & all this other stuff would have been avoided right off the bat. Just like with a blind date, meet for coffee - if you like them then dinner is a possibility to further the conversation. Otherwise "oops I gotta run, this was great!" and that's the end of it, y'know? But to answer your question, no. If things are moving too quickly I've said "I'm not comfortable with this" and it usually stopped it dead. If it didn't there was a bigger problem (they are too pushy) which would result in me getting up and leaving. BTW I doubt his feelings are hurt at all, he got what he wanted no? [8D]

littleone35 -> RE: Moving Too Fast (10/17/2007 3:33:04 PM)
It was not a smart move to meet him at his place but hey that was your call to make. If you would have met in a public place you could have said hey you are a nice guy but this is not working for me. To answer you other pushy is pushy. I used to tell possible Dom's that i do nothing on the first date but talk. That is a firm rule of mine that why i stayed out of sticky situations. I am not saying what you did is wrong but it seems very fast. Matt's littleone

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Moving Too Fast (10/17/2007 4:09:38 PM)
This has nothing really anything to do with kink or Ds. You've upset that you didn't establish and hold to boundaries. Now you need to establish them. You can either let your guilt and fear control you, or your sense of truth and security. It was one date, there are plenty of ways to stop a courtship at this stage in a polite clear way.

MasterMystic -> RE: Moving Too Fast (10/17/2007 5:26:59 PM)
On a first meeting, I have been told that the chemistry is not there and left it at that. There is no reason to feel badly about oneself upon such a realization after all, we all have our tastes and desires when it comes to those we choose to engage in life. As for the topic of this thread, I have made the mistake of letting things go too fast with someone I met on this site. She seemed quite compatible in many ways and after eating a late night breakfast we went to my car and talked which led to some enjoyable intimacy. Afterwards, I’d hoped that the relationship might take us to learn of each other’s desires and objectives. The next few days went well as we talked on the phone and learned more of each other. Then a trip to see a friend who had just had heart surgery left me stranded with car trouble. This combined with my car being broken into before the wrecker arrived wherein my dead cell phone was stolen, made for an expensive and arduous trip. I returned home a week later and discovered that she had given up on me and found another to pursue her interests with. I don’t have issue with how she handled my absence however I do wonder if things had not moved so fast, we could have continued our discovery upon my return. I am hesitant to move so quickly when meeting someone as I feel that instantaneous intimacy is usually a sign of a lack of patience. If we had not jumped and taken it slowly then the resulting events may not have occurred in the way they did. My rule is that I am in favor of taking the time to really get to know someone in a slow and steady manner wherein the desire can build if it is inclined to do so.

came4U -> RE: Moving Too Fast (10/17/2007 5:35:37 PM)
It takes me many, many months or years to meet someone from online. So, no. I usually take my time and make decent decisions. If a guy showed up as you mentioned, a handicap? physical or mental, lordy I would have walked right out. Needy, lonely? aaaaaaaaa I would run right out and never look back (except to tell my gf of my shameful decision).

texancutie -> RE: Moving Too Fast (10/17/2007 5:43:28 PM)
True...cutting the afternoon meeting short and stating he had errands to run, is a decent indicator that his feelings won't be badly hurt. Everyone makes stupid mistakes, many of us have done it. What is important is to try to figure out why, and learn from them.

chellekitty -> RE: Moving Too Fast (10/17/2007 6:19:14 PM)
umm yep, i've done it...did it a couple of weeks ago, lucky for me it turned out to be a good thing...and i am not confused about that...lucky for me...could have just as easily turned out just the opposite...learn from the experience, try not to repeat it...at least not in the same exact way...and move on....don't dwell on it....and set those boundaries....if he chooses to be hurt over you being healthy and true to yourself...is that someone you really want in your life?

laurell3 -> RE: Moving Too Fast (10/17/2007 9:13:23 PM)
Yep I've done it too. If the guy cut the meeting short when you tried to speak instead of fuck, I wouldn't feel too guilty cutting him loose personally. l

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