dagawdfather
Posts: 14
Joined: 1/28/2004
From: the left coast
Status: offline
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Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet
engines.
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Joke # 3
Homosexual
Some one had written on the bathroom wall: "My mother
made me a homosexual." Underneath it somebody else had
written: "If I send her the wool, will she make me one
too?"
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Q: How many Microsoft programmers does it take to write
a great piece of software?
A: More...
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Joke # 4
Now ya tell me
A beautiful woman walked into an orchard and found a
lovely pool in it. She decided to go skinny-dipping.
She looked around, didn't see anyone, and undressed.
Just as she was about to dive in, the orchard owner
appeared from behind the bush where he was hiding all
along and told her that swimming was prohibited.
"You could have told me that before I undressed!" she
scolded him.
He replied, "Swimming is prohibited, undressing isn't."
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Joke # 5
Rain Dance
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day
an old Indian went up to the director and said,
"Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and
said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hail-
storm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told
his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old
Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a
big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm
depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said.
"Radio is broken."
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Joke # 6
Speech impediment
A man with a speech impediment goes into a nut shop, and
the first thing he notices is that the guy behind the
counter has the largest nose he's ever seen. The man
with the speech problem quickly turns his attention to
the merchandise and asks, "Ess-tues me, sir?"
"Yes?" replies the clerk.
"Tould you tale me how mutsh your pisstasheos arr?"
"Pistachio's? They're $9 a pound."
"SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing and
then asks, "Welp, how mutsh arr your aahhmons?"
"Almonds? They're $11.50 a pound."
"SSIT! tas pensive," replies the tongue-tied man.
"Welp, how bout your pikanns?"
"Pecans? They're on sale today, they're only $14.50 a
pound."
"Welp, Ssit. Just div me a pound of dose dhen."
"All right then," says the clerk as he bags up a pound
of pecans.
Then the man says to the clerk, "Sirr, I just wanna thay
tank you fo not making fun of de way I talk, cauz I tan't
hep it."
The clerk replies with a smile. "Oh sir, you don't have
to thank me for that I don't make fun of anybody. I
don't know if you noticed but I have a rather large nose."
The man replies, "Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz
your pecker since your nuts are so high!"
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Q: How does a blonde prepare for safe sex?
A: She puts on rubber based lipstick.
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