RE: Dominant/Baggage ?

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RE: Dominant/Baggage ? - 10/18/2007 8:00:59 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
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repeats to self over and over...i will not armchair-psychoanalyze the Doms....

but seriously....thanks for all of ya'lls responses...its good to see Doms admit they are vulnerable too....and i don't mean weak...helps me when dealing with my shit...

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RE: Dominant/Baggage ? - 10/18/2007 6:47:13 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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My Master had an issue that he flung at me from time to time. One day I asked if it was baggage related to the thing I thought it was related to. He considered it, and said yes, it was. I appreciated his truthfulness, not just with me but with himself.

When quite some time passed and it was still flung on occasion, I respectfully told him I felt I had earned the right to not be the recipient of that anymore, and asked what he thought. He said I was right, and he had been unfair about it, and he would consider that in the future.

And I've never received it since.

So yes, there is baggage out there. How we handle it is what's most important.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

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RE: Dominant/Baggage ? - 10/18/2007 7:07:18 PM

PryderiLoup

Posts: 90
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My Master had an issue that he flung at me from time to time. One day I asked if it was baggage related to the thing I thought it was related to. He considered it, and said yes, it was. I appreciated his truthfulness, not just with me but with himself.

When quite some time passed and it was still flung on occasion, I respectfully told him I felt I had earned the right to not be the recipient of that anymore, and asked what he thought. He said I was right, and he had been unfair about it, and he would consider that in the future.

And I've never received it since.

So yes, there is baggage out there. How we handle it is what's most important.

Very cool

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RE: Dominant/Baggage ? - 10/18/2007 10:18:43 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I should tell you, I should tell you...

So many doms and subs say they want subs to help them and make their lives better- but yet so many doms use their dominance to hide their real problems and subs are more than willing to forgo the harsh reality for their pristine fantasy...until it can no longer be hidden (and it always comes out eventually).

The solid relationships GET IT OUT. Now, I don't think all baggage needs to be unchecked, rifled through and thoroughly hung out to dry. But you need to at least pile it all on the floor and know what you're dealing with. TO me, that's part of informed consent.

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RE: Dominant/Baggage ? - 10/19/2007 9:48:52 AM

VieVivante

Posts: 29
Joined: 9/22/2007
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Baggage is a 20th century creation (wanted to use illusion). It is only as real as you make it. I'm not saying we don't have things to work out, just that working them out was once considered the norm, rather than sulking over past hurts. Probably because in earlier times, dealing with issues could be a life or death situation. Most of the "baggage" we carry in modern life is trivial. Even those that are not, the serious issues, you are better off learning to deal with them.

We each have the choice to burden outselves with this so called baggage, or we can take the tough inner personal journeys, and do the work that can allow you to resolve these issues within yourself.

Being vulnerable has nothing to do with baggage. A strong Dom is comfortable being vulnerable because he knows who he is, what areas are his strengths, which are his weaknesses. Someone who is strong is not afraid of admitting vulnerability.

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RE: Dominant/Baggage ? - 10/19/2007 7:58:47 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My Master had an issue that he flung at me from time to time. One day I asked if it was baggage related to the thing I thought it was related to. He considered it, and said yes, it was. I appreciated his truthfulness, not just with me but with himself.

When quite some time passed and it was still flung on occasion, I respectfully told him I felt I had earned the right to not be the recipient of that anymore, and asked what he thought. He said I was right, and he had been unfair about it, and he would consider that in the future.

And I've never received it since.

So yes, there is baggage out there. How we handle it is what's most important.

It is heartening to know that, once the possibility of past baggage was pointed out, that it was considered and accepted..And that a resolution to it was also achieved..As I have always felt ,all have past trials and tribulations with triggers that can set us off..it is the recognition of such that lessens its effect..and does not contribute to the deterioration of the ongoing relationship.But that recognition must be realized on both sides of the slash..Tempting

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RE: Dominant/Baggage ? - 10/19/2007 8:00:45 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I should tell you, I should tell you...

So many doms and subs say they want subs to help them and make their lives better- but yet so many doms use their dominance to hide their real problems and subs are more than willing to forgo the harsh reality for their pristine fantasy...until it can no longer be hidden (and it always comes out eventually).

The solid relationships GET IT OUT. Now, I don't think all baggage needs to be unchecked, rifled through and thoroughly hung out to dry. But you need to at least pile it all on the floor and know what you're dealing with. TO me, that's part of informed consent.

I soo like this response..especially the portion dealing with informed consent...Thank You LA!!!..Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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RE: Dominant/Baggage ? - 10/19/2007 8:01:11 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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He has baggage, I have baggage. The importance here is compatibility. If he came home one day and found an ex had moved out no forwarding address, then he would have baggage about abandonment. As a result, hopefully he wouldn't do it to anyone else and therefore would be compatible with a sub who also had issues in that area.

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RE: Dominant/Baggage ? - 10/19/2007 8:06:41 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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personally don't hold on to past relationships or unresolved emotions, which is what I see baggage as.
I think baggage can come from many differing causalities..ie: the typical relationship/male -female..or even parental relationships..but baggage can also be created by society or by finances or ad infinitum..Thank You for sharing MrD....Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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