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dagawdfather -> yes, more random jokes (7/30/2005 1:25:08 PM)
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To get more out of a sermon, get adequate sleep - well
before the sermon.
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Joke # 3
Unhealthy
Nadine: They now say overeating is as unhealthy as smoking.
Jill: Yes, but no one ever died from second hand obesity.
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Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
A: A fur coat.
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Joke # 4
Le Steak
A man and his wife are seated in a fancy French restaurant
for dinner.
After the waiter arrives the man says: "I'll have your
biggest, thickest Porterhouse steak."
The waiter replies: "Monsieur.....what about ze mad cow?"
The man replies: "She'll have a salad."
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Joke # 5
Social Studies
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on
war and peace.
"How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed
to war?"
Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked,
"Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?"
A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised
his hand.
"Johnny?" the teacher said.
"I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history,
and I hate History!"
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Joke # 6
Texas
A sheep herder made it in to San Antonio, Texas, after
10 years in the bush. He found a saloon and approached
the bar tender. He told the bartender "I need a woman."
The bartender said, "There are women all over San Antone
for a price."
The sheep herder replied, "Just any woman won't do. I
ain't fucked nothin' but goats 'n sheep for the last
ten years. They got cockle burrs 'n mesquite thorns
around their pussy and my old dick is tough with
calluses on it, and I need a good tough piece of ass."
So the bartender tells him, "Well, you're in luck. The
toughest broad in all San Antonio has a room right up
stairs." The bartender picks up the phone contacts the
lady, explains the situation, and tells the sheep herder
to go on up.
The sheep herder gets a small ice bucket with two Lone
Star long necks (the favorite brew in San Atone), and
proceeds up the stairs. When he gets to the room he
says, "The barkeep told me you are the toughest broad
in town." The lady is livid, and says, "Well he's a
lyin' son of a bitch. I'm the toughest broad in Texas,
and probably in the whole United States." Excitedly,
the sheep herder says, "Well, you're just what I'm
looking for. He then turned and leaned over to set
the bucket of beer on the coffee table. Just then, the
woman threw her skirt up around her waist and bent over
and grabbed her ankles. Her brown eye was looking him
right in the eyeball. A bit surprised, the sheep herder
says, "Damn, baby. I know you're tough, but I don't
wanna do ya that way." To which the wench replies, "I
thought you wanted to open your damn beers."
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Q: What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
A: A sex-change operation.
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