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Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 8:31:23 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline 		If you could be satisfied in vanilla relationships would you choose to be?

For most of us it isn't an option and has never been an option. But what if you could press a button and become as vainlla as you wanted?

I wonder myself. I enjoy the unique perspective into the mind that kink gives me but there is a problem in that it eliminates so many people from your dating pool.

I am totally happy belonging to the Master but in a way I have so little choice about who else i can belong to.

I have my kink and with kink comes the fact that you can't just want someone who is 'into BDSM'- they have to be into compatible aspects of BDSM. Some are not masochists and they cannot serve a true sadist. Some like latex and medical devices and cannot dominate a person who this does nothing for.

And I have this problem of not being attracted to anyone outside about the top 1% IQs. This I would actually change if I could. There might be a lot of ways of being smart but I like pure scholastic smarts. You can be the most successful person and I couldn't care less if you don't operate on a certain kind of wavelegth- the raw genius wavelegnth.

It puts me in a place where I cannot like 9999 out of 10000 people, but I fall head over heels for that one out of 10000 who I am meant for.

Kink is such a longstanding integral part of my personality that thinking about doing without it is akin to wishing I were Beyonce- just wanting to be a different person entirely.

But have you ever known someone that you liked so much- loved their humor, their perspectives etc and knew it would never work romantically because they could not at all understand your sex drive.

So I wonder if I would nix my kink in order to be able to love the people that I can only like...

< Message edited by kitttty -- 10/18/2007 8:38:04 PM >
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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 8:35:35 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		would i choose to not be me so it would be easier to find a partner? hell no...why would i want my partner(s) to be less special than they are?

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 8:37:19 PM   
Decimus


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		No I wouldn't, and I think I was in the same but mirriored boat that you are in. I am very picky in who I like for friends much less a domme. If she isn't gorgeous a genius and a domme then I couldn't ever consider being with her. Now I just happen to know that Aerith is all of them but its taken me a long time to find her.

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 8:39:07 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		I wouldn't be satisfied in a vanilla relationship.

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 8:43:13 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty
If you could be satisfied in vanilla relationships would you choose to be?


I have been in them, this year actually, I was satisfied; I still kept my finger in this world, it's part of me, but, I needed a break and what I was hoping was a fresh start.  I have dated more vanilla guys the last 3 or 4 years than I have Tops.  I ended up corrupting a few of the guys I dated, so I don't know if they end up counting or not.
 
I CAN be satisfied in a vanilla relationship; its not about satisfaction that keeps me with MJ [or desiring Top-Types when I am single], its the 'slave side' of me that desires to come out. 

quote:


What if you could press a button and become as vanilla as you wanted?


I have thought about it; going cold turkey.  Deleting all my profiles, journals, etc, basically my 'on-line slave existance' and not looking in the rear view mirror; going back to my roots of 'faith' and not letting this side of me exist any longer.
 
Would I press that button, some days I would say 'yes' in a heartbeat, most of the time, I would not even be an option.

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 8:43:56 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I understand your attraction to scholars, to a tee. I wouldn't settle for less either.

quote:

But have you ever known someone that you liked so much- loved their humor, their perspectives etc and knew it would never work romantically because they could not at all understand your sex drive.


Yes, and I have. A brilliant man, an economist who also writes for all the major financial newspapers across North America.  He is clever, funny, romantic, generous (even still, he is almost my #1 source of income lol). 

quote:

So I wonder if I would nix my kink in order to be able to love the people that I can only like...


I have thought about it.  But no, although he is 'everything' to another now, something with us was missing.  He spoiled me terribly, gave in to my every whim and his only dominance was in his field of expertise-MONEY.  My expertise? spending it, to compensate for my grief in not being subdued in any shape or form.

< Message edited by came4U -- 10/18/2007 8:52:56 PM >

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 8:53:11 PM   
Minsha


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I have thought about it only because, as others have said, it would certainly open up the dating pool for me, yet, I am in no rush to find that someone...I'm very willing to be patient to find exactly what I need. If I do not, then I can be satisfied that I didn't settle for just anyone simply to have someone around.

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 9:00:59 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

He spoiled me terribly, gave in to my every whim and his only dominance was in his field of expertise-MONEY.


Money is a type of dominance, I agree. I fetishize it to some extent. I don't need it spent on me at all- just the fact that a man has it gives him a type of authority and power in the world. Somehow him being in a position of influence in the world at large makes my submission to him more complete. It does at times lead me to like vanilla guys who are financially successful in a sort of strange way since I don't actually want them to spend money on me, I just like to bask in a dominant aura.

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 9:13:17 PM   
amiciaN


Posts: 228
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline 		(using fast reply)

No.  I lived in ignorance of who I am for far too long.  Finding out I am a submissive explained so much about my personality, life choices, everything!  It was also very empowering.  After I got away from my ex, I could see where I was trying to submit to him without his consent.  The more submissive I became, the more enraged he became.  The more enraged he became, the more submissive I got.  It was a vicious cycle.  I'm so much healthier and happier for having 'found' my kink and accepting it that I have no desire to ever go back.  ymmv


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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 9:19:30 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I agree again kittty.

Dominant aura as rare as the northern lights around here lol.

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 9:24:25 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		I'd die inside of a white picket fence.

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 9:32:40 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		Since everytime i have tried to have vanilla sex, I fell asleep. I don't think i could go back. I feel more alive and more in touch with myself then i have ever felt.



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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 9:36:23 PM   
MistressHolly71


Posts: 354
Joined: 7/4/2007
From: Southern Maryland
Status: offline 		I tried being vanilla to try to make a relationship work once. It made me miserable & we split up. If someone can't accept me the way I am, then I don't want to be with them.

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 9:49:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		How come no one ever asks "Would you give up television to have a great relationship?"

Kink is something I enjoy, something that's a big part of who I am and what I get out of life. 

Asking me to give that up would be like asking me to give up reading or internet forums :)

For someone else, kink is no biggie to them, just like reading might not be. 

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 9:51:16 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		OMGoddess.....Hell No!
 
Missy.

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 9:57:49 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I would never change something if it would mean not having my  Master in my life.

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 10:05:38 PM   
FyreAngel


Posts: 55
Status: offline 		Yes - i would erase it all. 

I would also erase the past 12 years so i could be 16 again = )

To add - all i have found is that the kink/bdsm stuff.. the thing that drives me to it.... over and over again.....

has only brought negativity into my life.  Caused problems, ect.  If i could press the magic button - yes, yes i would. I would be rid of it, out of my life, and erm.. erase what was already IN my life.

But I cant............. so here i am


< Message edited by FyreAngel -- 10/18/2007 10:10:46 PM >

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 10:06:44 PM   
CutieMouse


Posts: 81
Status: offline 		Well... given that I share the thing for brilliant men, and (in my experience) brilliant people tend to be wickedly kinky... I could probably manage to "settle" for a brilliant man, because (in my experience) the odds that he'd not be kinky are pretty slim... or is that cheating? lol

There was the Dear Friend with the BA, MA, MA, PhD, PhD, spoke 9 languages (God we had the coolest conversations...)

The not-such-the-great-idea-afterall realationship attempt was with single degreed Ivy League guy who only spoke 3 languages...

Next was BS, MS, MS, ABD... no chemistry, but we're have dinner every so often just because.

Current exploration is with BS, MS, MBA, law degree, ABD, speaks at least some of umm... 6 languages... I think... oh yeah... he has a yummy mind.

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 10:26:17 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline 		I have no idea if kink is more common among the highly intelligent. I seem to have isolated myself from most people who are not.

But my first brief Dom spoke 4 languages perfectly- no accent in a single one of them and he was self taught for three. He had multiple degrees and was a computer science dude by career. Perhaps there is something to the language learning ability. I speak only English properly but I have the capacity to learn languages far far more quickly than an average person. My mother speaks 6 languages fluenty- so I do wonder if inherant language learning ability contributes to kink. Or maybe you just like the linguistic.

Fyreangel, do you mind teling me where in FL you live? I am 25 and grew up in that state.

quote:

How come no one ever asks "Would you give up television to have a great relationship?"


Television is hardly reviled by the masses or a forcibly private passion. You can be obsessed with airplaines or an avid hiker- that probably won't prevent you from being in a relationship with someone who doesn't care for these things. And if it does, you can still meet your SO during normal public interactions. Not like you have to go hunt for your secret psychological kindred spirits on the internet.

BDSM can be, you know, a pain in the ass.

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 10/18/2007 10:31:48 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty
Television is hardly reviled by the masses or a forcibly private passion.

HA says ye who has not a subscription to People, EW or TV Guide.

quote:

 You can be obsessed with airplaines or an avid hiker- that probably won't prevent you from being in a relationship with someone who doesn't care for these things.

Ummm again- ye who has little interaction with people actually REALLY into those things.  There's a sub culture for everything out there.

quote:

 And if it does, you can still meet your SO during normal public interactions. Not like you have to go hunt for your secret psychological kindred spirits on the internet.

BDSM can be, you know, a pain in the ass.

So can anything, if you take it far enough.

Stop trying to make "kink" into something "special."


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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