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Growth - 10/19/2007 12:37:10 AM

FyreAngel

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I believe that we meet those that enter our lives for a reason. People come and people go, each of them taking alittle from you and giving alittle bit of them selves. Sometimes I liken life like a road, the people involved stepping stones. People - they help us get where we are going. We learn different things from everyone that enters our lives and we teach them as well.

Each person that enters my life I hold in a special light. Each one of them is a unique person with life story, experience, point of view, and self. Amazing people they are. Even the crappy people are amazing. Fascinating to watch in wonder how they work. I learn from them all. The good, the bad, the stupid.

::smiles:: As i'm sitting here emailing, explaining, once again to my SO why a D/s relationship will never work between us - i've realized, i've simply out grown him. I took what i needed from him, learned what i could and now i need more.

So what do you do when the growth is one sided? I'm sure when its mutual people just go their seperate ways. Thoughts comments?

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RE: Growth - 10/19/2007 4:10:18 AM

Cyntilating

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FyreAngel

I believe that we meet those that enter our lives for a reason. People come and people go, each of them taking alittle from you and giving alittle bit of them selves. Sometimes I liken life like a road, the people involved stepping stones. People - they help us get where we are going. We learn different things from everyone that enters our lives and we teach them as well.

Each person that enters my life I hold in a special light. Each one of them is a unique person with life story, experience, point of view, and self. Amazing people they are. Even the crappy people are amazing. Fascinating to watch in wonder how they work. I learn from them all. The good, the bad, the stupid.

::smiles:: As i'm sitting here emailing, explaining, once again to my SO why a D/s relationship will never work between us - i've realized, i've simply out grown him. I took what i needed from him, learned what i could and now i need more.

So what do you do when the growth is one sided? I'm sure when its mutual people just go their seperate ways. Thoughts comments?

If your SO was the one feeling this way and posing this question to him/herself and wondering what to do>>> what would you want to have happen? How would you feel and want them to handle their growth and potential boredom with you ?
talk with you about it? give you a chance to understand and communicate about it honestly and openly? to also consider your growth and changes?

answering that for yourself, might help in knowing how best to handle your realization.

imo
growth is a constant and a good thing. Beats the alternative> stagnation and rotting from no movement and growth.

my observation has been, that the relationships that fail most commonly are the ones where no growth happens ( they get complacent and disinterested/uninteresting) or , one of the two tries to keep the other from growing, changing, evolving ( leads to resentment and emotional suffocation).

We change. Who we take along with us on that ride is optional not circumstantial.
in other words> if you want out, or want it to be over, be honest with yourself about why. " Ive changed" is as easy out, but ultimately probably not the core reason for a failed relationship.

takes two to tango..

< Message edited by Cyntilating -- 10/19/2007 4:11:30 AM >

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RE: Growth - 10/19/2007 4:28:31 AM

TNstepsout

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Yes that happened to me in my marriage. I reached a point where there was nothing else to be done about it but to leave and continue my growth on my own. We had an amicable split and I still have a warm place for him in my heart. I am angry with him that he simply couldn't seem to get past a few key issues and grow up. It's disappointing because if he could, he would be a truly remarkable person. It's a shame really. But, I had to move on. His inability to go forward was holding me back and I reached a point that no matter what I said or did, he wasn't going to catch up.

In the time since then I've grown at lightning speed. As you say, I've learned from others and my experiences with them and I hardly recognize myself a few short years later.

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RE: Growth - 10/19/2007 8:50:54 AM

toservez

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I have never really liked the term growth. I know probably just semantics but to me what you describe to me is more a natural process that as we get older we become more comfortable with ourselves and is less attached to societal preaching. For most people this does not make them stray too far from the center/what they have been about but for people like us are journey takes far away from the center.

We as human beings have are own paths. Hopefully we find a person that can walk down a close enough paths to be with for a very long time. I do not think you out grew your SO but your paths were just not the same. To me outgrown means I became more/better so that specific term is not something I would use personally.

We all learn and change in some degree from small to a lot but it is not a right or wrong thing. It is just the complexity of being human.

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RE: Growth - 10/19/2007 9:05:11 AM

caught4u

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i love it when i help Master grow

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RE: Growth - 10/19/2007 9:07:20 AM

LATEXBABY64

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I know where your head space is GEEEzzee lol

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RE: Growth - 10/19/2007 9:07:45 AM

FyreAngel

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Thank you for responding all. To answer your question Cyn - i would simply tell him to move on. Of course, i'm alittle biased as that is what i wish he would do even now. Either that, of if the shoe was on the other foot - I would ask him to give me a minute to catch up. Which I have given him. I've given him 4 months. Except he fundementally can not change. He can alter, but he is who he is. ::smiles:: I'm very honest with myself about all of this. We've been trying to work things out for ages - i think the underlying problem is just that i've changed. Actually. I think its that i was more then humanly possible infatuated with him so i was able to ignore/blind myself to his faults and now that i'm not infatuated with him anymore..... its all very bright!

But to put it pretty. My soul needed some things he was able to offer. Security, strength, direction, control, a few things repaired..... and now i dont need it those things anymore. I'm able to give myself it.

quote:

It's disappointing because if he could, he would be a truly remarkable person. It's a shame really. But, I had to move on. His inability to go forward was holding me back and I reached a point that no matter what I said or did, he wasn't going to catch up

thats excatly where i'm at. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I agree on the path thing toserve. We all do have different paths and maybe its time for his and my path to seperate. Maybe = ) I do like your take on paths vs growth.

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RE: Growth - 10/19/2007 9:13:47 AM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FyreAngel

I believe that we meet those that enter our lives for a reason.

I don't take to this notion, when applied to the masses...I believe, Oh, I believe that for many they are incapable of recognizing the good from the bad, the stupid from the intelligent...And are incapable of learning from past experiences....

Did I mention that I am a founding member of "The Protectors" a not for profit organization based out of Minneapolis?

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RE: Growth - 10/19/2007 9:15:55 AM

FyreAngel

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Why yes, yes you did. Do you charge? Should i give tribute to you?

Maybe just falling on my knee's and worshiping your god like body would be good enough?????

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RE: Growth - 10/19/2007 9:19:25 AM

caught4u

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RE: Growth - 10/19/2007 11:20:40 AM

Dnomyar

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FA you say he is who he is but he has faults because he wont change the way you want him to. Why are they faults? Why are you laying the blame on him. People going in different directions happen.

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RE: Growth - 10/19/2007 12:00:21 PM

Synocense

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This is a beautiful, heartfelt post and I believe your honesty is the result of deep soul searching. It happens, we outgrow people, SO's and friends alike. I commend you on your ability to be true to yourself and not remain in a situation that will inevitably go sour. Best of luck to you whatever roads you travel.

Syn

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RE: Growth - 10/19/2007 3:17:52 PM

MsBearlee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: FyreAngel

I believe that we meet those that enter our lives for a reason.

I don't take to this notion, when applied to the masses...I believe, Oh, I believe that for many they are incapable of recognizing the good from the bad, the stupid from the intelligent...And are incapable of learning from past experiences....