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RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 1:09:52 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Oh you've got to be kidding me.  This isn't seriously about a grown adult that can't go to an adult function without some form of protection from big bad people?????

(in reply to SirMichealspeach)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 1:17:00 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I'd suggest that your owner not give her a collar.  Since she's "under protection", but not actually his to control, she should be free to provide herself with a collar, should she feel so inclined.

As a collar is typically a symbol, one which many in this lifestyle honor, your owner either purchashing or putting the collar on her will have some symbolic implication.  Unless he truly wants this, I'd advise against it.

(in reply to SirMichealspeach)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 1:19:10 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Oh you've got to be kidding me.  This isn't seriously about a grown adult that can't go to an adult function without some form of protection from big bad people?????


I still say it's rather irrational to believe that age and maturity are as strongly correlated as most seem to assume.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 1:23:40 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I still say it's rather irrational to believe that age and maturity are as strongly correlated as most seem to assume.


But can't we agree that an adult should know a few ways to excuse herself from a discussion that she find uncomfortable or a situation that she is unsure about.  I think she should say "excuse me" or "no thank you", or "I need to go now."  I don't understand why being around other adults is so fraught with danger and scariness.  You can always walk away from the situation. 


_____________________________

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(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 1:34:20 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
quote:

I still say it's rather irrational to believe that age and maturity are as strongly correlated as most seem to assume.


But can't we agree that an adult should know a few ways to excuse herself from a discussion that she find uncomfortable or a situation that she is unsure about.  I think she should say "excuse me" or "no thank you", or "I need to go now."  I don't understand why being around other adults is so fraught with danger and scariness.  You can always walk away from the situation.


Agreed; she "should" be able to behave this way.  I believe that, for the most part, we could agree that she isn't acting as a surficiently mature individual.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 2:00:37 PM   
dizzy1


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline 		My thoughts are that to recieve a collar means your master wants to own you , protect you and have a meaningful relationship with you.It shouldn't be given or recieved lightly and definetly not just to try n prove shes owned.
I understand people purchasing their own collar as protection from trolls and thats fine, if she feels a collar will protect her then she should buy her own so everyone knows their place and there are no misunderstandings.
To be honest it dosen't sound like shes ready to mix with others yet, as she should feel strong enough to know her own mind and judgement.x

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 2:44:32 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		This is the problem with protection- by making the emphasis on doing her job as an adult, she's not forced to learn how to do it herself and do what needs to be done.  Not that I think she needs to be tossed out of the nest into the cold harsh winter's night- but simply knowing that you are going "together" and will have people to talk with and ask help for in itself is a HUGE benefit and I see nothing to be gained by adding a physical collar to the mix.

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(in reply to dizzy1)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 2:49:12 PM   
subnstudent


Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		Another thing to consider is: did she ask you or your Dom/Master about this, herself. Did she put it out there in such a way that she was asking a favor or permission?

As a person who wears a collar only because I desire to, I would reccomend telling your friend that it is ultimately her choice on what she wants to do. Ie, if she wants a collar, then she should get her own collar and wear it. I'd also mention that intentionally misleading someone or putting on a petty display to 'get back' at someone is generally considered immature and rude. But more importantly I'd make sure she doesn't get the permission she's looking for because in her emotional rebound she might latch on to you and your Dom/Master. She needs to heal, and I feel that she needs to acknowledge her independence in order to heal properly.

Anyways, that's just my opinion. Use and abuse as you see fit. :)

~Nicholas


(in reply to dizzy1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 3:41:56 PM   
SirMichealspeach


Posts: 73
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline 		This is exactly why I don't post to these boards very often. I thought I had a legitimate question here. I was just trying to understand maybe where her head was. I know Master does not wish to take her as an owned submissive, so maybe it would be best to just tell her to find her own way to the party and good luck. I just can't beleive so many people can be so rude to someone, its not I'm a brand new sub and have no clue. this is just a subject I wasn't familar with

(in reply to subnstudent)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 3:54:20 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMichealspeach

This is exactly why I don't post to these boards very often. I thought I had a legitimate question here. I was just trying to understand maybe where her head was.


umm that would be where the problem lies....we can give you all of our experience and advice, based on our experience...which i did...but we have no idea where her head was or is or will be...to find that out, you will have to ask her


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to SirMichealspeach)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 3:56:32 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Fortunately or unfortunately, you're going to get a wide variety of opinions when you post to these boards, and not all of them will be respectfully expressed.

I feel it would be unwise for your Master to give her a collar ... that has symbolism that isn't appropriate to the situation nor is it desirable from what you have said. Yes I agree that mature people should be able to attend a party without such symbols being required ... but unfortunately you can't guarantee all the other attendees will be equally mature! While in many ways it is illogical, I have seen that wearing a collar does help stop trolls putting unwarranted pressure on someone ... for that reason only, she may choose to buy herself a collar of some type and wear it. That may work in her head to help her feel more comfortable at the event. I would recommend that it doesn't resemble what you wear in any way, so there can be no question about her possibly being owned by your Master. However, I would advise her otherwise in that I feel she would be better served to face up to the situation and say No firmly and walk over to you and your Master should she be hassled by anyone, without the benefit of something around her neck.

Regards
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to SirMichealspeach)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 3:59:05 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		oh wait we are doing labels again rofl. I just get this image of whos afriad of the big bad wolf type dom domme rofl or subbie  lol this is really to funny

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 4:06:34 PM   
HutchGarahl


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMichealspeach
This is exactly why I don't post to these boards very often. I thought I had a legitimate question here. I was just trying to understand maybe where her head was. I know Master does not wish to take her as an owned submissive, so maybe it would be best to just tell her to find her own way to the party and good luck. I just can't beleive so many people can be so rude to someone, its not I'm a brand new sub and have no clue. this is just a subject I wasn't familar with


Dear heart, you did ask a legitimate question and i'm sorry you feel everyone was being rude..but they weren't really. As with you, noone here knows what's in the girls head, wether there is any motive to her wanting to wear a collar or not. Best anyone here can do is offer advice based on their own experiences.

I to agree with most...if this girl is truely coming from a bad experience, and i'm not saying it's all false...i'm not there, just going by your words.....but for now, this girl needs healing. If she feels so strongly about needing protection, then going to an event at this time is not the thing to do. She has to be able to feel within herself, that she can go out and be able to deal with whatever she may face.

If she does go with you, then wearing a collar would tend to make people think she is owned and your and your master saying she is unowned, allowing this would be a lie. Her just being with the two of you should allow her to feel protected enough. If she insists on needing a collar to feel protected, then i'm afraid there just may be more of an alteriative behind it.

However this ends up, I wish you and your Master the best of luck and hope this girl can come to grips and lead her life they way she hopes to.

(in reply to SirMichealspeach)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 4:51:33 PM   
subinsouth


Posts: 55
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMichealspeach

Master recently has taken a submissive under His protection, mainly because she is coming off a bad relationship and is not wanting to go to  functions/events alone.


Peach ~ Since she has just gotten out of a 'bad relationship' and knows her ex is going to be at this party, why would she put herself through that?  Doesn't make any sense to me.  

Since she has your Master for protection for all the future parties/functions and such until she finds a new Dom .. .. ... 

(make a note) I have been searching forever.  


_____________________________

may it be for me as You will

(in reply to SirMichealspeach)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 9:26:41 PM   
TheGirlfriend


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/15/2007
Status: offline 		Just my opinion...and with making a few assumptions, since it's hard to tell from your post...

I'm assuming this party is [broad generalization coming for ease of "conversation"] "kink" friendly or is being presented "munch" style.

Since you and your Master have a collared and owned relationship, that is a very important symbol for you both.  I feel she should not wear a collar and if someone approaches her, I think she should answer honestly and simply with, "Thank you, but I need some space for myself."  

If someone continually bothers her, {in my observations at TC munches}she should tell the main host/hostess or wandering host/hostess that someone is bothering/irritating/? to the point of making her uncomfortable and they will assist in telling someone to back off.

Hope it helps and you find a working solution.

TheGirlfriend

(in reply to subinsouth)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 9:57:16 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Hmmmm, lemme see..........if my ex bf/friend/boss was going to be at the same party as me, would I need "protection"? Um, no.

I made myself pretty clear on my opinion on "protectors" in the other thread.  It doesn't matter if someone is D or s, in a supermarket or a club or at a play party, no one needs to be "protected" from anything. If someone is bothering you, you simply say piss off. The end. I'm pretty sure that if someone was being bothered by someone else at a play party or a supermarket, the people around would make sure that it stopped. No ones going to stand and watch whilst someone is being harmed and do nothing. Let's face it, in this circumstance, "protector" translates to bodyguard. Unless the woman is famous or in a witness protection program, she doesn't need a body guard.

Sure, the girl can wear a collar, if she wants to imply that she is taken, but anyone who needs a body guard really shouldn't be going to this kind of event.


_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to TheGirlfriend)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Collars - 10/19/2007 10:25:05 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		Fast Reply
 
This is why i don't attend BDSM events.  This all seems terribly silly to me.  i guess since it's a Halloween event, she could just wear a costume that would disguise her so that her 'ex' wouldn't recognize her, although i sort of get the sense that she might actually be hoping to run in to him there or, at least be spotted by him.
 
Why the need for a collar to feel protected?  i don't get that.  But, then again, i have never worn a collar that wasn't offered to me by the Dominant or Master that i belonged to.  i would never buy my own collar and wear it.  That seems so phony to me.  i don't get the whole 'protection' business, any way.  i have never felt a need to be protected by anyone.  my Master insists on protecting me, which i appreciate and accept.  As His property, it's His right to protect me, even though i don't feel a need for it.
 
But, really, if she is so fearful of something bad happening to her, just by going to an event where her 'ex' is going to be, why go, with or without a collar?  It really doesn't sound like she is emotionally ready to go out to an event like this.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Collars - 10/20/2007 3:03:06 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		This is not unlike wearing a fake wedding ring in a bar to rid of people hitting on ya.  Some would still disregard the ring anyhoo. 

If it is a lifestyle that you want to socialize in at a later date when you have healed and are ready for a relationship then those that recognize you from wearing any kind of symbol of 'ownership' would have questions for you.  In answering those questions truthfully, you may seem to the others that you are weak to gobble up because it is obvious that you might seem weak (lack of ability to fend for yourself).  Despite a hardship, if you cannot even fire off a simple "no thank you, I'm not ready to have deep discussions with or about anyone right now" then maybe the socializing in general is a tad premature. What good is a butterfuly if she cannot be social?

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Collars - 10/20/2007 3:16:17 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		SirMichealspeach, I'm not trying to be rude here, but here is what I think. Your Master dropped hints to the other girl that she could wear some sort of collar at the event. He will expect both of you to stay close to him and treat him as a Master. He will not allow the other girl to talk to Doms. He will appear Domly with two slaves.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to SirMichealspeach)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Collars - 10/20/2007 3:27:10 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		To be honest i dont see why it matters all that much. Maybe having a collar will validate her being under the protection and therefore make it more real or maybe she just would feel better with it. Maybe she isnt ready for a meet and she probably isnt over her ex. If her having a collar makes her feel better in a period where she clearly feels rubbish then where is the harm? A collar means something differant for each person and obviously its a bone of contention but really if you take away the meaning that we as individuals attach to it then its nothing more than an adornment of piece of jewellry. 

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 40
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