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RE: Collars - 10/20/2007 3:29:06 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
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It obviously matters to the OP.

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Post #: 41

RE: Collars - 10/20/2007 4:15:46 PM

SayaNereida

Posts: 152
Joined: 7/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMichealspeach

We are going to a Halloween function next weekend and she has ask to wear a physical collar so as to not appear alone in a crowded place, while i understand her reasoning for asking this, i have this gut intuition that there is an alteria(sp) motive of some kind, like maybe wanting to flaunt this collar to the ex (who will also be at this function) .
Sir Micheals peach

SirMichealspeach,

First I say, follow your gut and speak honestly with your Master about what you think and feel.

I understand those that wear their own collar, and consider it myself ( I like choker style necklaces), that's very different from using a collar for a form of 'protection' and show.

How does SHE view collars (in general, does she believe they mean something to a relationship or 'just jewlery')?

How do you and your Master view collars?

Your question: "should the collar be one that she purchases so she doesn't feel as if He is "placing " a collar on her , or should Master purchase one for her to wear anytime we go to events/ functions together until she either finds a new Dom or decides she no longer wants His protection"

I suppose that depends on what kind of commitment your Master is planning on making to her. If he isn't prepared to commit beyond this event, she should buy her own collar and NOT say, hint or even suggest that your Master has 'collared' her for protection.

IF your Master is willing to commit to her 'protection' beyond this event, it's time to negotiate; you and Him, Him and her, you and her and all 3 of you.

I know she is a friend, and perhaps as a friend you and your Master feel you owe her something; but as a friend, I personally don't think this is something she should have asked of either of you, particularly if you two view a collar as a symbol of a committed relationship.

Last question, IF you view collars as a symbol of your committed relationship AND your Master 'collars' her for 'protection' (short or long term) without a committed relationship; is it possible you might feel your collar means less?

Regards,
Saya

Whatever happens, hope you have fun at the party!

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Post #: 42

RE: Collars - 10/20/2007 4:24:06 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs
What about having her purchase a collar that she puts on herself?

seconds this....that way there is no emotional attachment to him thru the collar or the collaring action....

If her only intention is make herself appear single, I don't see why he would buy her or put the collar on her at all. But if she is not part of the family and owned by him, I don't see why she needs his permission to wear a collar. To me, that sends mixed messages by itself.

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Post #: 43

RE: Collars - 10/20/2007 4:29:36 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMichealspeach

This is exactly why I don't post to these boards very often. I thought I had a legitimate question here. I was just trying to understand maybe where her head was. I know Master does not wish to take her as an owned submissive, so maybe it would be best to just tell her to find her own way to the party and good luck. I just can't beleive so many people can be so rude to someone, its not I'm a brand new sub and have no clue. this is just a subject I wasn't familar with

These particular boards are simply not a safe space enviroment. There are cons to this, but there are also pros too. Safe space enviroments for BDSMers do exist online, but they are also more moderated than the CM forums.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 10/20/2007 4:31:08 PM >

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Post #: 44

RE: Collars - 10/20/2007 5:33:13 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

But can't we agree that an adult should know a few ways to excuse herself from a discussion that she find uncomfortable or a situation that she is unsure about. I think she should say "excuse me" or "no thank you", or "I need to go now." I don't understand why being around other adults is so fraught with danger and scariness. You can always walk away from the situation.

This is my view too. She shouldn't need a collar to hide behind. If that is the case, perhaps she should re-think going to fetish events.

By the way, "Doms" are onto the fact that some submissives use a collar to hide behind. They'll approach a submissive in a collar anyway, just because it may not be a "Collar". Hell, I've had guys come up to me the moment Master's back is turned. They've seen me with the big ex-linebacker guy and they really don't care. I rely on myself to exticate myself from the situation.

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Post #: 45

RE: Collars - 10/20/2007 6:07:12 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
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Personally, I adore the guys who won't take a hint at parties and such...it really is a source of entertainment for me. I'm sure others might get peeved, but I always enjoy explaining current circumstances. No one has ever threatened physical harm, although I'm sure some have wished that there was some physical abuse that they could inflict on my person. But, I'm a smartass...

Really, I would ask her what's the deal...be blunt. And, turtlenecks are always handy for hiding things other than hickeys.

It seems to me that this has more to do with the ex than with being fragile, in general. My perception is that this is about flaunting something new in front of the ex and not hiding behind your Master. And, this may be selfish...but I'd put my comfort level above hers when it involves my Man.

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